To think I've been backed into a corner?

[DippyDiplodocus]

So the story goes:

I'm getting married to my fiancé in September this year.

Getting married at a small hotel. There are a limited amount of rooms which have been reserved for certain special guests I.e bridesmaids, best man and family so we can all have a nice breakfast the morning after the wedding. We wanted this to kind of be an extension of the wedding celebrations but for it to be a little more intimate with a select few special people.

Fast forward to today.

I remind two of my four bridesmaids that the rooms are due for payment soon - this has all been pre arranged and agreed upon by them months and months ago.
They were both happy to pay to stay in the rooms and so I reserved one each for them and put non refundable deposits down on both rooms in order to secure them.

They now mention that they have asked another wedding guest plus her husband, who were not on the list of people who were to stay, if they would like to stay the night in the hotel and join in with the supposed intimate breakfast the next morning. This is the first I have heard of such an offer as I had never intended for the guests in question to stay over with us.

AIBU to be majorly pissed off about this?

Obviously I like the guests but we only wanted a select few with us. I now feel as though I've been backed into a corner and have to offer these people a room because they have been pretty much promised it by the bridesmaids without first consulting me or my fiancé.

Not only that but I've now got to re-jig all the rooms for the guests to accommodate this new couple, which is a ball ache but not impossible.

I just feel really frustrated that this has happened behind my back, five days before the rooms should be finalised. I feel like it's quite rude to just assume that my fiancé and I wouldn't mind so just advised this couple they can have what they like.

For context I'm also 26 weeks pregnant, tired, in pain with SPD, Working full time, did I mention tired, trying to organise the final stuff for the wedding, trying not to stress.... argh!

its like a family breakfast on xmas day morning, you and all your family and some person you were at Uni with? odd!

Oh

This is getting a bit daft now

'this isn't a hotel'

Yes it is

And the venue for wedding

'People can read - it's just a petty non problem! '

Quite

If you can stretch to it pay for their rooms - maybe say your hubby to be did it as a surprise and that this has worked out well as their rooms aren’t suitable for bunking up and the invite for breakfast is for the invited guests only and you would hate to make the other couple feel uncomfortable! Try to take control and put a stop to this nonsense as otherwise you’ll be worrying about it and having to spend unnecessary time re-arranging rooms...

This isn’t a criticism because until recently I would have said the same as you. And then I read a great book and learned to say no! You don’t need to justify, just tell them no. End of. So then you aren’t backed into a corner. It’s your wedding, don’t let them bully you!

I think you've handled it excellently OP, getting someone off the waiting list. That was brilliant because it was completely fair and no one could say otherwise. Have a lovely wedding

It’s YOUR wedding! Tell the bridesmaids that the other couple can’t stay in the hotel because even if they did share, you’d have to move all the rooms round again and you can’t/aren’t willing to do that. You have enough to organize and deal with, what with being pregnant too. Besides, you have organized the following morning and you only want certain people there. It is your event - the day of the wedding and the day after. If you have paid for exclusive use of the venue, then it’s your choice over who stays there! Just because she is a bridesmaid doesn’t mean they get to shoe horn in additional guests to fit their own agenda!

it's just a petty non problem! - well yes and is kind of the point of AIBU isn't it ?

Or are all those AIBU diagrams with the neighbours wheely bin being parked in the OPs drive/illustrations of poor parking actually incredibly important matters?

Honestly if we restricted ourselves to the stuff that mattered here, there'd be no AIBU at all.

I do think though that there should be a mechanism to administer small electric shocks through the keyboard for those people that post without reading the thread - or at least going to the trouble of actually reading the OP's updates .

Hi,
I agree with sleeping standing up this is not your responsibility and its very rude to be even asked they are your bridesmaids and therefor friends who know you and how hard you are working to make this a wonderful day even tho you are pregnant....

Chill, relax and get on with THE IMPORTANT THINGS.
Good look.

The bridesmaids should sort out the room changes with the hotel - why should you have to do it when they messed about with altered things? And you booked out the entire hotel for you and your family/wedding party - you weren't expecting other wedding guests there.
But the breakfast looks like the main issue. You wanted a nice, intimate and relaxed occasion with your nearest and dearest to end the celebrations. So I can see how awkward it's going to be with two extra guests who clearly aren't close family/part of the wedding party. Plus, again, it's not what you arranged.
The BMs have got a massive cheek taking it upon themselves to alter your arrangments so, again, they should sort the breakfast issue with the other couple -- perhaps they could suggest they come down to breakfast earlier or later, or have it in their room? Could the venue provide a separate private dining room for you? Still awkward for the BMs - but their mistake, they deal with it.

Oops - I took so long to compose my post I missed your update. Apologies!
Well done OP and I hope you have a wonderful day.

Breakfast isn't part of the wedding day. It's breakfast.

Not when you're only able to go to the breakfast because the bride and groom organised the exclusive hire of the hotel for that day/night.

We had an impromptu lunch at my mother's house the day after our wedding, just eating up the left-overs from the buffet dinner the day before - it was great, unexpected, and really nice to have family from both sides, who'd mostly travelled from abroad, with us, just before we went off to catch an evening flight to go on our honeymoon (which we'd arranged the day before we got married). It was probably the nicest part of the wedding, relaxed, chilled, and chatty! So I completely understand where the OP is coming from, though I wouldn't have thought of organising a morning-after breakfast myself, 30 odd years ago!
I'm glad you've sorted it out now, OP, I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time on your wedding day, and the day after!

To all those criticising the Op it’s entirely up to her who she wants at her breakfast. I get it. The original wedding party or where does it end YANBU. Absolutely not, and a lot of posts here are just down right nasty. They don’t seem to get it’s not about the money but the people who you very reasonably want there. I think Meghan Markle would nobshevwas in the right abd day no, it’s my wedding and these are the people who I want at the breakfast. It was completely out of order for the bridesmaids to issue an invitation. Say no

Life’s too short to worry about it really.
You’ll have a good time there will be lots of friends and lots of fun. You’ll be tired of course it won’t be a problem unless you worry about it.
Inner circle of friends? Just have friends and be glad of it. Some are closer than others maybe but friendship is a little bit of nature’s magic in all its forms.

Dippy -- I'm very pleased that you seem to have found a resolution that lets you have breakfast with the people with whom you want to have breakfast.

It's surprising that so many PPs decided to have a go at you over this, but hopefully you'll see your way to ignoring them.

Finally, I'm also sorry for your loss. However, now you're pregnant and you're going to have a baby. Congratulations!

I think Bride with a newborn trumps anyone else's wishes tbh. You should be allowed to have exactly what you want, exactly how you want it. You have exclusive use of your venue and therefore have the right to offer rooms to whoever you want. Good luck with everything x

She's not being unreasonable .... She asked the bridesmaid if they would like to stay not that they had to stay, plus she's entitled to have wtfsw at her own wedding breakfast.

OP tell them they can have a and y to stay, but make it clear the wedding breakfast is for those invited. Weddings ffs, bet you wish you could elope xx

You just need to tell the bridesmaids they can share a room no problems but the other room will go to who you choose - it's not up to them. Just be honest and explain as you have done here. The. You can ask another couple to use the room who do know the family etc. You can always say to bridesmaids that you have close family who nee the room. No big deal.

Sorry just realised there was another page of responses and you have already sorted it! Well done OP honesty is always the best policy and I don't think you are being unreasonable at all I would feel the same. Glad it's all sorted!!

Quite right Staples Corner.

• Pregnant on your wedding day. Lol Class*