To think I've been backed into a corner?

[DippyDiplodocus]

So the story goes:

I'm getting married to my fiancé in September this year.

Getting married at a small hotel. There are a limited amount of rooms which have been reserved for certain special guests I.e bridesmaids, best man and family so we can all have a nice breakfast the morning after the wedding. We wanted this to kind of be an extension of the wedding celebrations but for it to be a little more intimate with a select few special people.

Fast forward to today.

I remind two of my four bridesmaids that the rooms are due for payment soon - this has all been pre arranged and agreed upon by them months and months ago.
They were both happy to pay to stay in the rooms and so I reserved one each for them and put non refundable deposits down on both rooms in order to secure them.

They now mention that they have asked another wedding guest plus her husband, who were not on the list of people who were to stay, if they would like to stay the night in the hotel and join in with the supposed intimate breakfast the next morning. This is the first I have heard of such an offer as I had never intended for the guests in question to stay over with us.

AIBU to be majorly pissed off about this?

Obviously I like the guests but we only wanted a select few with us. I now feel as though I've been backed into a corner and have to offer these people a room because they have been pretty much promised it by the bridesmaids without first consulting me or my fiancé.

Not only that but I've now got to re-jig all the rooms for the guests to accommodate this new couple, which is a ball ache but not impossible.

I just feel really frustrated that this has happened behind my back, five days before the rooms should be finalised. I feel like it's quite rude to just assume that my fiancé and I wouldn't mind so just advised this couple they can have what they like.

For context I'm also 26 weeks pregnant, tired, in pain with SPD, Working full time, did I mention tired, trying to organise the final stuff for the wedding, trying not to stress.... argh!

So the whole point is that technically I didn't invite them to stay at the venue

No, the person who is paying for the room invited them. Its their invite to issue.

so they shouldn't have been at the breakfast the next day anyway, in which case there's nothing to be massively rude about.

Not sure I understand what you’re saying here.

Obviously I wouldn't intentionally make them feel awkward or try to exclude them or anything like that if they were to be at the breakfast.

Good. Then it’s no issue. No-one will feel uncomfortable.

Geez - some people bulldoze in without reading what you have added about the venue.

I think the breakfast sounds like a really lovely idea and actually thinking of doing the same for ours. My SIL did this for hers and it was really good. I've been to family weddings where you don't get to talk to family so much and think that this is a great solution to make it special.

I hope your bridesmaids understand what situation they have put you in and that you can get this sorted. Ignore the rudeness, you sound really considerate of everyone's feelings.

Meh. I would say don’t sweat the small stuff. The additional couple are guests at your wedding so you must know them well enough and like them? Let them stay. Why wouldn’t you?

As others have said, people will be hungover, oversleep, need to get travelling, not be hungry, you might have been up all night with the baby. I doubt it will be the intimate breakfast you are imagining.

We stayed at a Premier Inn after our wedding with loads of the guests and saw most of them the next morning. It was lovely to see so many people and chat with them all. To be honest, i’d had my fill of my family by the wedding!! Was nice to speak to others!!

How many are invited to the private breakfast?

Is feel uncomfortable if it was me even if the OP bent over backwards to be welcoming. Just knowing everyone is close family and friends and I was not would make me uncomfortable and feel like I'm intruding.

can you answer whether you have actually had a conversation with the BMs where you have explained your plans for the breakfast

Yes - I have already answered this question. They are aware of the plans.

I think honesty is the best policy here. Just tell the BMs what you've told us here.

How many are invited to the breakfast?

There should be around 18 including me, DH & DD

What's happening at the breakfast that people that are guests at the actual wedding celebrations are to be excluded from?
These people aren't complete randoms, presumably? Why couldn't they be absorbed into a crowd of 18 without having to be specifically "looked after" by you?

If you've invited them to your wedding then why not let them have breakfast with you the next day?

They probably just want to stay at the venue for ease, and will likely be too hungover/uninterested in your special family breakfast in the morning.

Quite a drama OP. have you nothing else to worry about?

They are aware of the plans

OK, so they are aware of the breakfast plans, have you then gone on to explain why having uninivted guests isn't going to work for you and can the BMs please explain the situation to the extra couple?

It seems like this could be sorted out without too much trouble, if the extra couple know the situation you'd hope they have the good manners to not go to the breakfast

I think people are being a bit harsh here - it's not just a general hotel, it's an exclusive use venue and I get that you just want breakfast with close family.

Just tell your bridesmaids that they're welcome to share but that the other couple can't have the room as you have other family that you've promised first refusal to on any rooms coming free.

I can't get my head around a couple being invited to someone's wedding, and then being treated as uninvited guests at the next day's breakfast

Speak to your bridesmaids. Tell them you’re disappointed and this couple can’t stay.

Is this intimate breakfast in a seperate venue or just breakfast downstairs where everyone else will be too? you can bet other guests will have independently booked the same hotel as it’s convienient and will gate crash if it’s nkt seperate anyway. Maybe talk to the hotel about having a seperate area if you haven’t already.

She has exclusive use of the venue @Karigan1

18 is quite a large group! I really fail to see the issue! Seriously, worry about the bigger things. This will be a non issue

Yeah read that but exclusive use for wedding party often means that unless all rooms are allocated other guests can book too. I read all the OP posts and I can’t see that the rooms are fully booked just allocated with exclusive use for the wedding.

If she’s booked out the entire hotel with just named parties then that’s different. In which case a polite I’m sorry but the hotel has asked me not to do that will suffice.

Half the questions being asked have already been answered previously in the thread.

I've spoken to the BMs and explained why I was disappointed etc.
They are going to speak to the other couple and explain wires have been crossed.

18? You’ll barely notice two extra. Seriously. 18 isnt intimate.

I had less than 18 at my whole wedding!

I thought SandandSea had the perfect answer.

I am so glad that the BMs are going to have to sort out the mess they made. I am also glad that this new couple won't be part of your special party. I am sure they will be just as happy in another hotel but it would impact your breakfast.

I thought you were going to let the BMs get away with it. Hopefully they will speak to the other couple with good grace.

I totally get where you are coming from. My wedding hotel was exclusive and we had 10 rooms of my family, DH's sister, best man, 2 BMs, grandparents. It would be like then adding my dad's best mate from the golf club and his wife to the family gathering in the morning.