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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban this man from my cafe?

417 replies

OrangeJam · 09/05/2018 21:08

Have NC as I've spoken to people in RL about this.

I promise I'm not the poo troll.

There's a man that's been coming in to my cafe every morning for a few weeks now.

He orders a coffee and sits doing work on his laptop at 8.30 when I open up.

Every FUCKING DAY he does a massive shit in the toilet and leaves a mess everywhere. It's utterly disgusting and I obviously have to deal with it. I'm normally there on my own as I don't get many customers at that time of day, but today a lovely woman was in with her baby and went to use the toilet after him.

She obviously didn't use it and I had to profusely apologise. He was the only other person there so it was obviously him. He could hear me talking to her and just sat there, not an ounce of embarrassment. I'm actually getting really anxious about this now and I don't know what to do. It's horrible. It's a horrible way to have to start my day, every day.

I want to ban him but I'm too "nice" and REALLY don't want the confrontation. It feels so awkward.

Help! I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 09/05/2018 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummabear10 · 09/05/2018 22:59

If you are confident he will be the first one in the toilet I would close the lid. Then leave a loo brush, heavy duty toilet cleaner, and airfreshner on the top. He might get the picture!

Tbh its pissing me off! Sounds like a pig. Also be concerned he's a weirdo doing it on purpose! I'd probably say something I couldnt put up with that every morning.

AntiHop · 09/05/2018 23:02

Is there a toilet brush for him to clean up the toilet afterwards?

OnTheList · 09/05/2018 23:04

Would be so funny if this turned out to be the same guy from the shitting man thread. I was following that so closely, waiting for updates each day Grin

Some people are just gross.

WomaninGreen · 09/05/2018 23:06

@SplodgeInc

What a name on this thread...

"it is normal to poop up to several times a day so not eveyone can do all their poops at home. if its in the toilet bowl amd the seat is clean then i dint think hes doing anything wrong. yes it would be nice if he cleaned the bowl but expecting that from customers might be a bit much. do you provide a toilet brush? he cant really make his own poop smell less can he?"

RTFT and if it's that bad, he needs to keep to home as much as possible. He could be at home with his coffee, laptop and smelly shit.

CocoaGin · 09/05/2018 23:07

Take his photo on your phone, print it out and then write BANNED on it in big letters. Tape to toilet door. Job done.

Original poster
OrangeJam · 09/05/2018 23:07

@Sarahjconnor thank you so much! I fear I've also spent too much time thinking about shitting men. Envy

@AntiHop no I don't keep a toilet brush in there. I don't want a shitty brush sitting in there all day covered in germs. But let's not get in to that debate Grin I have sprays and blu roll available, even if he just sprayed it and flushed a couple of times it would make a difference.

OP posts:
hmcAsWas · 09/05/2018 23:12

shitting man this was the similar thread that this particular thread reminds (some of) you of

hmcAsWas · 09/05/2018 23:12

Its an uncannily similar scenario

BMW6 · 09/05/2018 23:14

Check the loo immediately after his visit. If it is in a mess write a note
"Either clean the loo after your visit or dont come here again"
and give it to him.
You could have the note already written......

AskAuntLydia · 09/05/2018 23:14

God no yanbu.

So many men really get off on women cleaning up after them.

It's why gender neutral loos are always so disgusting. There are loads of these terrible fetishists around.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/05/2018 23:15

It's possible that a person with a bowel issue would make a smell, but nearly everyone with ongoing bowel issues is very, very careful about minimising mess and stench. I suppose it's not impossible that someone can have a medical shit-related issue and be a complete shit who doesn't care about grossing other people out and inconveniencing them, but my money's on 'selfish lazy inconsiderate bastard' here.

Whitesea · 09/05/2018 23:15

I can't see what good putting signs up to clean the bathroom will do tbh. If someone can't be bothered to flush and tidy up after themselves, a sign won't make any difference.

Coffee is a laxative and studies have shown decaf won't make much difference.

I think cutting off the wifi will make him leave which kills two birds with one stone a) clean bathroom b) you won't have him sitting in your cafe for hours.

category12 · 09/05/2018 23:17

Except cutting off the WiFi means OP isn't providing a service the rest of her customers would probably expect for the sake of not telling him his custom isn't required.

LaContessaDiPlump · 09/05/2018 23:20

Argh, I had a lovely long post and bodged it.

You need to confront him. Wait outside the door and say "Please wait here a moment" while you nip in to check the state of affairs. If it's grim, then say "Please could you use the toilet brush in future; we've been getting complaints about the state of the toilet after you've used it." Say it softly, but look him in the eye while you do. He will prob bluster and deny it; ignore this and say "Please use the toilet brush in future. Thank you". Hopefully he'll be mortified enough to comply, or else never visit again.

OTOH if he's not messed it up you can always say "Sorry, just checking the facilities - someone's been leaving it in a dreadful state after their morning constitutional! It's like they never learned basic manners...." this will hopefully also be mortifying!

Sorry op, I know you'd probably prefer any other approach but I imagine the above would do the trick quite nicely....

Whitesea · 09/05/2018 23:21

Category I would agree except the OP said that he is usually the only other customer and as he comes in early to do some work on his laptop though he is probably only browsing the internet until it is 9am, he will probably go off looking for wifi somewhere else once he can't browse for a few days in a row. It would certainly put me off going to certain cafes. The lady who came in with her baby was the exception rather than the rule. Once the man finds somewhere else to mess up, the OP can switch back on the wifi.

HateSummer · 09/05/2018 23:22

HateSummer, I don't know if you intended your last post to be humorous but it made me laugh out loud until I had a tear in my eye. Not even sure why!

Well unfortunately I was serious, but I’m glad it made you laugh.

Seriously don’t understand MN sometimes. I was bullied by fanatics with loads of people piling in about me being a disabilist because I dared to find a farting man in a cafe disgusting. I’ll post it here:

People farting in cafes is disgusting too!

Mind boggles.

Enough of MN for today.

Rosielily · 09/05/2018 23:25

Can you use a radio for a few days for music until he gets the hint and doesn't come back?

ValleyClouds · 09/05/2018 23:25

I think you need to launch an investigation via Private Messages and ascertain what town the OP of shitting man is in.

Can there be two?

starzig · 09/05/2018 23:28

I would say get a key and just don't hive it to him

Whitesea · 09/05/2018 23:31

I don't see how the OP can refuse to give a paying customer the key to access the bathroom?

AudacityJones · 09/05/2018 23:32

Hang on, I was all sympathetic to you but if you don’t have a toilet brush how would he clean up after himself? And one’s own poo rarely smells as bad to oneself.

I’d try to leave a loo outside just as i’d leave my loo at home but if there is no brush I’m not sure I’d stand there for ages flushing until the skid marks disappeared. Why not just buy a toilet brush and leave for him to use?

TheDairyQueen · 09/05/2018 23:34

At least you know it's him!

I remember working in a local government office and having to remove toilet seats, paint them bright orange, and attach them to a large keyfob. That way we knew who was nipping off for a fly crap and destroying the lavs.

Eveforever · 09/05/2018 23:37

How about some poo-pourri?! And a sign, and a rethink of the toilet brush situation?!

UserV · 09/05/2018 23:39

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