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Original poster

To ban this man from my cafe?

417 replies

OrangeJam · 09/05/2018 21:08

Have NC as I've spoken to people in RL about this.

I promise I'm not the poo troll.

There's a man that's been coming in to my cafe every morning for a few weeks now.

He orders a coffee and sits doing work on his laptop at 8.30 when I open up.

Every FUCKING DAY he does a massive shit in the toilet and leaves a mess everywhere. It's utterly disgusting and I obviously have to deal with it. I'm normally there on my own as I don't get many customers at that time of day, but today a lovely woman was in with her baby and went to use the toilet after him.

She obviously didn't use it and I had to profusely apologise. He was the only other person there so it was obviously him. He could hear me talking to her and just sat there, not an ounce of embarrassment. I'm actually getting really anxious about this now and I don't know what to do. It's horrible. It's a horrible way to have to start my day, every day.

I want to ban him but I'm too "nice" and REALLY don't want the confrontation. It feels so awkward.

Help! I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 10/05/2018 08:14

Agree with the non direct approach. Put the sign up just as he orders coffee. Be apologetic and hopefully he will waddle off elsewhere.

Lucisky · 10/05/2018 08:15

I've never used it, and only read about it on MN, but what about that VIPoo stuff that you put in the loo before you do your biz? That might deal with the smell. If he is always the first in there, you can drop some in when you open up.
I agree you need a brush, but, would he use it? I knew someone who was totally oblivious to skids he made in the loo He just didn't see the problem - the loo is a place for having a shit, it's got shit on it, so what? Granted he was a very selfish person, and didn't care what other people thought. I bet this bloke has got a brown loo pan at home.

FilledSoda · 10/05/2018 08:17

Good luck this morning op

Loandbeholdagain · 10/05/2018 08:22

Thinking of you OP as we approach poo o’clock!

Wallywobbles · 10/05/2018 08:25

I have IBS and I need a toilet brush. Put a £1 brush in there for everybody's sake and bin it at the end of the day. Sticking your hand down a public loo is so fucking grim.

Branleuse · 10/05/2018 08:26

Ban him. Hes getting thrills out of you being subordinate to him, so he is bad mannered and wants you to be on your knees cleaning up his shit for the price of a cup of coffee.

Tell him due to constant excessive fouling of the premises, you have no option but to ban him henceforth and will not be entering any further discussion

BodgingThisMumThing · 10/05/2018 08:26

Good luck this morning OPGrin

llangennith · 10/05/2018 08:30

Good luck today!
A lot of cafes keep the toilet door locked and you have to ask them for the key. Try it for a few days so you take back control and can refuse him access to your cafe toilet.

Luisa27 · 10/05/2018 08:37

“excessive fouling” 😂😂😂

Angie169 · 10/05/2018 08:41

Oh it's almost poo o'clock!
If you do not manage to resolve the issue today when you ( or who ever is the last to leave ) close up today put a generous amount of toilet cleaner around the bowl and leave it to dry on. In the morning his poo will not stick to the pot so will be easier to clean. I know this doesn't stop the problem but at least it may make it a bit easier for you to deal with until you can come up with a more permanent solution I agree with the sign on the back of the door saying clean up after yourself if and out of order sign is not appropriate.
Also a combination lock on the door that you can change the combination on easily on a regular basis so he has to keep on asking.
Blame on kids coming in and making mess if you're uncomfortable with broaching the subject.
Also do you know anybody that owns it workman's boilersuit type of thing.? Get them to come in whilst Mr Poo is in there and ask them to create a huge fuss about how badly blocked toilet is and then they charge you and extortionately for the unblocking of it. That way he will not be surprised a day or two later when it is out of order.

ElizaDontlittle · 10/05/2018 08:44

I think you need a toilet brush for customers.
I have a small bowel ileostomy and it's like having diarrhoea every few hours. I'd cope with the spray and blu roll but it can't be flushed and so your bin then ends up with dirty paper in it. I rarely have coffee somewhere without needing the toilet and rarely go back somewhere I feel uncomfortable cleaning up. I suspect this man doesn't care but he does need to be given the opportunity to clean after himself and you can definitely guilt him into it!

bellabasset · 10/05/2018 09:01

Buy several cheap loo brushes so you can change them during the day and leave them to soak overnight in bleach.

Fit a keypad lock so you can change the no regularly and have a note at the till saying sorry toilets for customer use only, please ask for the code when you buy your drinks. (Our town was revamped and the new loos were out of the way so the local Costa was used as a public loo and they did this. Less messy loos also).

Put up a sign 're handwashing, ensuring toilet is flushed properly, no hairs left in the sink,and also saying toilets are cleaned regularly but please let us know if there is a problem.

When you give him the keypad no say you have had problems with the toilets not being kept clean during the day so have introduced the keypad so you can monitor it better. Do change the no regularly also.

Imchlibob · 10/05/2018 09:10

Did you/he do anything different today op?

Mia184 · 10/05/2018 09:20

I also think that a loo brush is essential. Given that he is the first customer, could you clean the toilet floor with a lot of bleach before he arrives? It might overpower his shit and prevent him from staying on the loo for a long time.

Aquiver · 10/05/2018 09:23

Agree with providing a loo brush (I wouldn't worry about bleach though).

Also might be worth sticking up a sign (laminated perhaps?) on the inside of the loo door or other very noticeable place asking patrons to leave the facilities in a suitable condition.

ThomasHardyPerennial · 10/05/2018 09:27

Is there a window you can leave open in the toilet? Or a powerful extractor fan? Would help with the smell at least.

Appletreecorner · 10/05/2018 09:28

Stick a very large note, written in red, to the cubicle door.
'If you do a number 2, use the brush to clean the loo'

Men are creatures of habit. Having breakfast and a crap at yours will be part of his daily routine now. I bet his wife told him to go and use the toilet in the cafe down the road once - for obvious reasons.

Now his toileting has become your problem....

ConciseandNice · 10/05/2018 09:36

I’m sat here waiting patiently for Poo Man updates...

theeyeofthestormchaser · 10/05/2018 09:55

Go on then, OP, what happened today?

OneWouldHopeSo · 10/05/2018 10:13

Marking place!

ConciseandNice · 10/05/2018 10:15

I’m concerned she’s been arrested for attacking Poo Man with a shit-covered toilet brush and a laminate sign!

blueskyinmarch · 10/05/2018 10:20

I imagine that given OP runs a cafe she will be rather busy all day.

byanyothernamerose · 10/05/2018 10:27

Placemarking!!!!

MissMoneyPlant · 10/05/2018 10:28

We need a crowd of MNers to go in for coffee at the same time as Poo Man, and then complain loudly about the state of the loo. OP can just point at him and say "It's him, does it every day".

Repeat as necessary.

Seriously though, what a disgusting man. Marking his territory.

Quickerthanavicar · 10/05/2018 10:30

Any new deposits?

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