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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take this back to court?

608 replies

Justonedayatatime11 · 09/05/2018 08:24

Exh took me to court a few years back and obtained a CAO for our dd(4). CAO states EOW and 50% of his annual leave. Exh has rarely adhered to the CAO and can get very aggressive if I can’t change plans to accommodate him wanting to swap and change weekends. I’ve received a message from him last night saying that every weekend for the next 4 months is going to have to change, but he doesn’t know how or when.
FWIW, he’s blaming work. Now he could take the CAO to his commanding officer and have it enforced which would mean he would reliably see dd EOW. However, he’s admitted he won’t do this as ‘it will harm his chances of promotion’.
My plans for the summer are now up in the air because I now don’t know when/if he’ll be seeing dd. Not only will that potentially leave me out of pocket, but more importantly dd is getting no consistency. He’ll go for a month without seeing her and then want her for a week at a time.
To be clear, I am not trying to stop contact. Dd adores him and I wouldn’t want to take that away from her. AIBU to take this back to court and look at getting the CAO changed? I just want some consistency for her sake and some reliability for me?

OP posts:
rainingcatsanddog · 26/08/2018 13:25

It's best for your dd's peace of mind if she knows when Daddy is coming and for how long. Not knowing when his Lordship wants to see her will mean not making it cancelling plans "just in case" and that's no way to live.

KissMeLikeYouMissMe · 26/08/2018 14:13

Please stop questioning yourself. This man is vile and manipulative. You are doing what is best for you dd and even she is beginning to see his true colours. Please don't let this man grind you down. he's a nasty. piece of work.

Original poster
Justonedayatatime11 · 28/08/2018 20:23

Court is tomorrow. I can barely breathe, wheezing and coughing up god only knows what. Can't eat, can't sleep, my body is falling to pieces. I just want this to be over

OP posts:
Hortonlovesahoo · 28/08/2018 20:35

OP: you've got this. If anything, tomorrow is your day to appear strong, solid and confident.

Repeat to yourself: I am strong. All of this is to provide stability for my daughter. My daughter is the focus and priority. No games. Just focusing on her best interests

sparklepops123 · 28/08/2018 20:41

Calm down , reread all this thread through from when you first posted . Have a hot bath and relax . Tomorrow our strength will be behind you 💐

eddielizzard · 28/08/2018 20:43

You can do this. You will do this for your DD. She is worth it and you're doing your best by her. Keep on going, one foot in front of the other. Think of tomorrow night. Have you got some wine in, and your favourite meal? Just think this time tomorrow it'll be over.

You are STRONG. YOU'VE GOT THIS.

WineAndTiramisu · 28/08/2018 20:52

You've been amazing so far, stay strong, we're all thinking of you!

ShouldofWouldofCouldof · 28/08/2018 21:02

Stay strong op. Get your paperwork and cloths ready, shower brew and early night. You can do this x

lily2403 · 28/08/2018 21:19

Stay strong. Good luck for tomorrow Flowers

HellToupee · 28/08/2018 21:40

Dear OP, I’m De-lurking to wish you strength for tomorrow. You have been formidable so far, keep on keeping on! 💐

Redken24 · 28/08/2018 21:45

Stay strong 💪 you can do this

OneThingAndThenTheNext · 28/08/2018 21:47

OP just read this - wishing you luck for tomorrow, stay strong.

Henrysmycat · 28/08/2018 21:51

Echoing the rest. You can do this. Stay strong for your and your DD. Rooting for you.

Littlemissdaredevil · 28/08/2018 21:54

Fingers crosse for tomorrow

Doidontimmm · 28/08/2018 21:58

Delurking to wish you all the luck in the world.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 28/08/2018 22:01

Wishing you everything good in court tomorrow. We'll all be thinking of you I'm sure, and I know you have the strength to get through this.

PerverseConverse · 28/08/2018 22:03
Thanks He'll hopefully get a new one ripped by the judge. Been there many times and ex has never got what he wanted. You can do it!
BarbaraHepworth · 28/08/2018 22:06

Good luck tomorrow Flowers

FamilyOhNo · 28/08/2018 22:10

Stay strong. You will survive... Even if it seems impossible right now.

I've been there and got the t shirt. And you will feel so much better once it's sorted.

Plan a celebratory drink for afterwards. We are all behind you.

Rainbowqueeen · 28/08/2018 22:10

Be proud of being such a great mum to your DD that you are willing to fight for her and do what's right for her

All of MN is behind you

You can do this

Squidgee · 28/08/2018 22:10

I haven't posted before, but I've been following. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

You CAN do this, you're doing whats best for you and for your DD and that's all you need to focus on. Be strong just a little bit longer.

Havaina · 28/08/2018 22:12

Praying for you OP xx

Original poster
Justonedayatatime11 · 28/08/2018 22:24

Oh god, I didn't expect so many lovely messages. Thank you. I don't feel strong though, I'm absolutely terrified and scared shitless of his solicitor. Last time we went to court I had no legal representation and she took full advantage of my naivety and bullied me into exactly what he wanted. I'm scared of being put back in that position tomorrow, even though my solicitor assured me it won't happen

OP posts:
ThanosSavedMe · 28/08/2018 22:35

Hope all goes well for you

You are doing the right thing, I know it may not feel like to but your dd will be grateful that at least one of her parents Was thinking about her and what was best for her

Wheresthel1ght · 28/08/2018 22:35

I have only just seen this post OP. I wanted to tell you that you are amazing! You absolutely ROCK!

As someone up the thread has said, he is raising the bar because he knows that he can no longer beat you into submission.

Whenever you feel that nagging doubt rear it's head just look at your gorgeous little girl and ask yourself how you would feel in 20 years time when she is in a similar abusive relationship and says to you "but mum it's what you taught me to do"

You are teaching her something amazing. That it doesn't matter who it is, no one has the right to bully, intimidate, humiliate or harrasss her. That she can stand up for herself and make a stand.

She will be so proud of her warrior mummy.

Good luck for court tomorrow.