To ask just how do you make it all work?? Life admin etc.

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Sort of inspired by the ‘perfect friend’ thread.

How do you keep on top of different aspects of your life and have time for it all? How do you make it work for you? Would really appreciate some constructive advice please!!

E.g. how do you keep on top of your job (if you work) as well as staying on top of housework and life admin? How do you even deal with life admin? Do you just make a massive to-do list of random bits and bobs and force yourself to stick to it and get through it?

...And how do you then make time for things like having a social life and doing things you enjoy?

And yes to making sure everything is split with DP. I don't worry about sorting his insurance or appointments or birthdays on his side of the family like a lot of people on here appear to do. If he wants to skip the dentist for four years or forgets his mother's birthday that's his business! He doesn't remind me to sort out my stuff so I'm not about to start worrying about his!

@DiegoMadonna I was beginning to think I was a bit odd!

@adaline, you’re not odd at all but the fact that you don’t have kids or do any volunteering/participate in many things and are in a position to “ring straight away” when you get a text message make you quite different to many of the posters here.

I’m also completely confused about life admin
Make your next dentist/hair appointment while you’re at one, write it in your diary, no diary? They all text the week before to remind you these days
Why do you all have so many school forms to fill in? I have 2 DC at school and they both do after school clubs and activities, the most I have to do is a school disco or maybe a consent form for a trip once a term, takes about 4 seconds - why is it taking everyone else so long?
Buying birthday stuff - maybe an hours shopping trip once a month? How often do birthdays come up really??

Cleaning/laundry/kids homework and reading and all the crappola is constant and you can feel like you’re drowning in it I agree, but all this ‘life admin’ nonsense really isn’t that big of a deal

Yes, there is a world of difference if you have no kids and don’t do extra curricular things. If you have young DC or a baby you are constantly interrupted so everything takes longer and also there is school or baby / toddler stuff to sort. There is more clutter and chaos generally. In addition to being permanently knackered so less efficient.

That's true and I did say that I appreciate having children does make things harder.

But volunteering is just that - voluntary. So is joining clubs or signing up for the gym so you feel under pressure to go on a regular basis. I think your life is as busy or slow as you make it, for the most part.

Lots of things people do are optional or things that don't need to take up hours of your time. I also think some jobs expand to fill the time available - for example laundry for me takes maybe 15 minutes whenever I do it, but some people will iron it, or wash their towels after every use, etc etc, which all adds time to what could be a really easy job.

Pink, we have at least 3 school forms a week. Plus forms for activities. I have two for dancing needing filling in at the moment. Plus there is a real push for reading diaries to be filled in at least 3 times a week. Eldest has weekly homework plus spellings plus additional ‘fun’ worksheets sent home sometimes.

Birthday parties once a week on average / I have a reception age child.

Wish I could help....

We don't. Something always gives. I can't be perfect at everything. I have to be content with being adequate. I am a 40 year old woman with a career, a busy working DH (who travels frquently for work), 2 pre-teen DCs, various pets, etc. One of my DCs has Autism and we have no family support. All childcare is paid for and hard to come by. Its a struggle but we have a strict routine and we all help out in our family to give and take. I work 3 days a week so that I have 2 days at home to catch up on life errands and house work.

I took up a musical instrunent at 38 to help relieve stress; it is time consuming but well worth my time when I can squeeze it in. My DH has a sporty hobby and I rarely get any exercise in.

Its hard work making all the cogs turn but its still worth it.

Take short cuts, make extra when you cook, batch cook and freeze portions for work days. Get the DCs involved with basic chores. Make a routine and stick to it.

Most of all, be encouraged that we are all playing it by ear and trying to juggle all balls at once, too. Chin up x

It’s true all these things don’t take long, but when you don’t have a spare minute in the day because it’s all scheduled to the last second: breakfast-childminder drop off- work- pick up- take to activities- homework- bed- dishes/laundry- do some more work- sleep- repeat, then all these “5 minute jobs” tend to build up!

As another example, I’ve got a dead goldfish in a cardboard box on the windowsill that’s been waiting to be buried for the last 2 days —now that the DC seem to have forgotten, I might bury him in the bin—

See I wouldn’t count kids homework as life admin, that’s just part and parcel of having kids
And for kids parties I go to card factory every now and again and get the 10 for £1 cards and just stick a fiver in - job done! I thought by all this birthday shopping peoplemeant family members?

Pinkball, I do that too... I also bulk buy gifts for girls and boys in certain age groups for my DCs. Just means I am not rushing about when I suddenly remember a Birthday Party invite

Exactly egginacup. It’s all very well saying deal with things as soon as they come in, but that just isn’t possible for some people.

Also, its perfectly reasonable to choose to do things (voluntary stuff, clubs etc) and indeed want to do them but still moan/struggle with actually fitting them in.

Single mum of five working a very challenging full time job facing homelessness in 2 weeks. As long as everyone’s loved, healthy, fed and watered everything else is on a to do list.

Got up really early and went to bed late.

For years.

I work 3 days/week, flexibly, though I do a lot more really, and travel internationally, and also have a fairly time consuming hobby. DH also travels long haul, and works long hours (inc. middle of the night), but can work flexibly some of the time and do some of school run etc. We have no nearby family help.

• Plenty of paid for help, so cleaner 3 hours/week, ironing (and only DH work shirts get ironed). When desperate I have sheets and duvet covers washed and returned via a van service.
• A part-time nanny, to help with our longer working days, who picks children up from school etc, feeds them, bathes them etc.
• After school and breakfast clubs a few days a week.
• Shopping done on-line. I meal plan once a week, then do my Ocado shop. There's a notepad on the fridge and everyone writes things down when they finish them.
• My phone to-do list is checked multiple times a day, every spare moment, for things to do. It has 70+ things on it, some very large, and many many smaller things.
• Children only get baths/showers about 3 times a week in winter, more in summer.
• Large box of generic presents for kids and adults, and cards.
• A great filing system.
• On days we work from home we put a wash on in morning, and put out to dry/tumble dry at lunchtime. In fact the tumble dryer in itself is one of the main time-savers in the house.
• DC put their own washing away.
• Not much cleaning rest of the week, but DC do a big tidy up night before cleaner comes (even the little one), and I hoover the crumbs with a Dyson hand-held to keep kitchen looking ok.
• Buy in bulk as much as possible, e.g. cards, stamps, wrapping paper, loo roll, washing liquid.
• As soon as clothes are worn out, too small etc I have a series of named boxes in the laundry room, and take them straight out of the dryer into those boxes.
• White and colour and delicate laundry bins, children sort own clothes.
• DD cleans their lunch boxes, and often helps prepare lunches too.
• One night a week, and one weekend evening set for adults to eat/spend time together, rest of the week one of us is usually working or out doing sport.
• Rest of week children eat with us, so only one evening meal to prepare. Then children go to bed pretty early.
• Very rarely watch television. This frees up tons of time.
• Mark all insurance renewal dates, mortgage etc in diary 11 months ahead so plenty of time to look for new deals.
• Tons of second hand/hand me down clothes for DC, plus I buy clothes for next year in the sale this year. Everything stored in a separate chest of drawers, so when weather changes there's no need to run round buying stuff as most will already have been bought as and when/during end of summer and xmas sales.
• Shared calendar in kitchen, if it's not on it doesn't happen. Both use own phone calendars too, used to have a shared online calendar but there were issues, so back to paper.

It's busy but we just about survive, and are all able to do activities we enjoy outside of work (I do sport 4 times a week, squeezes in, DH does about the same).

Very lucky in that I can work PT (would be impossible otherwise) and both have a degree of autonomy and flexibility at work.

Much easier now my DC have left home, also have a great job that I love (only work mornings) there's a great lady on instagram- the organised mum wish she'd been around when my DC were little- she's fantastic & would definitely help you with keeping on top of household chores. Only advice I would give is relax nobody died because the ironing etc wasn't done.
Good luck OP

Robstersgirl, hope you are ok? Sounds like you are facing a tough time 🌸

And money. We can throw money at a problem, a lot of the time. So, we're very very lucky.

Thank you Annette69. It is tough but I’ll get through it. I have a beautiful family and a job I love I’m luckier than some.

I cope in the following ways (I work FT):

• cleaner
• wfh once or twice a week
• I get up in the middle of night to get to work ridiculously early so I'm back for tea time. I work just the time I'm paid for.
• dh does his share including admin/ organisation (although that isn't helpful if you are a single parent)
• I take parental leave in the school holidays and buy additional annual leave to have the odd day off to catch up.
• my job is easy and I can do it with my eyes shut which helps with much of the above. But I have a shit commute although this gives me thinking time in one way.
• I go to bed about now, it's an exhausting life

And I do a lot of online shopping

@adaline I guess I see a lot of these things as just normal life tasks - I just get on and do them and I don't really understand how they seem to take up hours of people's time!

Normal life tasks = life admin. Just semantics.

When it's just you, it doesn't take hours.
When it's you + DC x multiples thereof, it does. Disproportionately.
Perhaps it shouldn't, but you'll just have to trust us ... it does.
And you also have disproportionately less time to do any of it in.

Food - the planning, shopping, cooking and clearing up from becomes A Thing.

Booking appointments - you have no time, if you do have time to make the appointment you need to consider how it is scheduled with relation to childcare etc.

Laundry - it's no longer a 15 minute task, no matter if you have a tumble dryer and ditch the ironing.

Childcare/preschool/school admin - out of control, no way out of this.

House maintenance - didn't own anywhere that needed it pre-children. Now we do. Arses.

and on and on.

I think your life is as busy or slow as you make it, for the most part.

Which is fine, when it's you. As soon as it's you plus DC, not only do they make your life busier against your will just by existing, but you also are choosing on their behalf about their lives. And wanting the best for them is a balance between how much you personally can take on without losing the plot and how much they desire/would benefit from.

My life is FULL of admin in a way it never was pre-kids!

What NoSquirells said. With bells on.

My house was tidy pre kids and my to do list completely manageable. Laundry was a piece of cake.

I've never done much housework. I've lived and married men who knew from the start thatI didn't want to be a housewife and they had to pull their weight. I didn't do wifework like their xmas cards mothers day cards etc. I did my side they did theirs. I didn't have kids with my second husband. You don't have to have kids with every new partner.