To ask just how do you make it all work?? Life admin etc.

[NameChangeTimeNow]

Sort of inspired by the ‘perfect friend’ thread.

How do you keep on top of different aspects of your life and have time for it all? How do you make it work for you? Would really appreciate some constructive advice please!!

E.g. how do you keep on top of your job (if you work) as well as staying on top of housework and life admin? How do you even deal with life admin? Do you just make a massive to-do list of random bits and bobs and force yourself to stick to it and get through it?

...And how do you then make time for things like having a social life and doing things you enjoy?

Also after school activities were limited and when they got older they got on the bus or cycled there. When the kids were very small I had a cleaner.

You can also just Take Time Off before kids. If you need a day off work to sort something, you book annual leave. If you're sleep-deprived and had a tough few months, take some annual leave to catch up. Take a few days to get a Big Task done.

Can't do that after DC. Because all your annual leave is triangulated with pin-point precision to cover childcare and when your OH can/can't have time off/when the childminder is away/when that holiday club is running/when you need to go to a school event/pick up early for a fucking appointment you needed to make etc etc.

Time. There is none.

{wanders off muttering grumpily...}

adaline you must understand how having kids changes everything? The mess, the laundry, the cooking, the admin, ferrying them around. I think you are on the wrong thread.

My house was spotless pre-kids and I had plenty of time, no stress, no rushing around.

Anyway. What stands out on this thread is the people who have their shit together are basically either getting up at 5am (too early). Cleaning in the evening (no I'm too knackered and want to relax). Or they say no to lots of social things. (I love socialising, saves my sanity).

So something has to give. I'd rather relax a bit and socialise. My house is a bit of a tip most of the time but cleaner comes once a fortnight. DH does bugger all which drives me mad though he works ridiculous hours. I work 4 days a week.

Robstersgirl I was in your situation last year and may find myself there again very soon. Although I only have 1 kid! I am in awe of you. I really hope everything works out for you. PM me if you need to offload with a rant. xx

My partner and I have a child each. He shares with his ex and I share with my parents. Mine goes to school 10 miles away, we have full time jobs, a dog, 3 cats (one that requires injecting twice a day) and a house to take care of.

My coping mechanisms are supermarket home delivery, Google shared calendar and wine 😂

@Robstersgirl. I don’t know how to highlight someone in my comment so have @‘ted you lol. In my previous comment

@Iseveryusernametaken definitely wine 😂😂

Can I ask a question about life admin? A lot of posters on here and elsewhere on MN talk about their kids’ homework as one of their chores. I’m just about to have my first baby so no experience as a momma yet, but when I was a kid I don’t remember my parents ever getting involved in my homework. Is this a must now? Is it fair? Does it actually help the kids come exam time and ultimately uni when parents aren’t aren’t around? I’m not knocking it, just curious. Thank you

Online shopping - can do it from your phone anywhere anytime!
Cleaner once a week - no other housework other than washing dishes and tidying up after ourselves whenever we leave a room.
No ironing, of anything, ever.
Admin done as and when
All bills paid by DD
Shared google calendar.

Write a will has been on my to do list for about 3 years now....

Oh and washing usually done on a Friday and Sunday but then there are only 3 of us so it's fairly manageable.

House stuff-
load dishwasher before bed and run, unload first thing in morning. Then breakfast things straight in.
Load of washing every day- fold and put away each item as I go so I don't have lots of folded laundry hanging around and if I only manage half a basket at least the half i've done is put away.
Slow cooker as often as I can
Straight after school clear out lunch boxes/ backpacks etc
Make bed as soon as I get out of it.
Wipe down sink and toilet when getting ready in the am.
Tidy as I go.

Unlike many posters, I very rarely do stuff the night before eg pack lunches etc- the way I see it, evenings are leisure time. Mornings are shit and stressful anyway, so doing a bit extra only makes them a little bit more shit, whereas if I spend my whole evening getting stuff ready for the next day I never have any true leisure time.

ferntwist I think the problem is now kids are getting homework from reception age so often need a bit of help/direction.

I didn't get homework until secondary school so never needed any help.

Now my yr3/4 boys can often do it alone but occasionally it's some crazy project/hard task they need help with.

Robstersgirl .

Delatron, I agree. In fact I think this bread has helped me as I am not willing to stop activities that are hugely beneficial to my children and also socialising (by which I mean play dates etc, I have no social life!) keeps me sane. Maybe I need to accept you can’t have it all.

ferntwist, I thought the same as you. Genuine homework I try to get them to do independently but they are 5 and 7 so still need cajoling and getting pens and things (more the 5 year old needing help with pens). It’s the effort to persuade them to do it. I would also lump reading and spellings in which require much more parental input than I ever realised . Plus the fucking awful craft homework shite but I wouldn’t really call that life admin as it is usually holiday homework.

@ferntwist. No it’s not a must and parents do not necessarily help children with their homework, but it’s another task that need to be managed. Depending on age of child, it involves:

Looking in bag for homework sheet/nagging child to bring it to table
Nagging child to sit down and do it
Answering questions from child (not doing it for them)
Nagging child to stay focused
Providing suitable materials to do it (often homework might be making a model etc)
Nagging child to stay focused
Testing child on spellings
Listening to child read
Writing in homework diary/reading diary that child has done homework
Nagging child to hand it in
Ensuring homework is back in bag etc to be returned to school

Ok, so the nagging isn’t for everyone, it depends on the parent and the child. But you get the idea!

As another example, I’ve just seen a letter from my child’s school. They need a particular fancy dress costume in 10 days time. They also need to do some ‘fun’ craft activity (that’ll teach me for saying it is only in the holidays) plus there is a separate cake sale on another day. Plus we have had an email to renew our car insurance.

Reading with interest. Because it is hard for most mums. Plus I have a medical condition and I was told off by my health care team for letting my health condition dominate my life.

I have 4 DC including a toddler and a newborn and I still think lots of you are over complicating things

Ah yes, children... medical appointments, birthday parties, presents, other children's parties and presents...

At infant school it's reading every night, spellings, weekend maths and science homework, plus arty and science projects. Didn't have a clue how much time it would all take. And that doesn't include the constant begging letters for homemade cakes, costumes (always short notice, Amazon Prime helps here), thank you presents, raffle prizes (let's make a hamper of turquoise condiments...), project resources, photos of your great grandfather's favourite teddy...

Junior age seems to be easier, in that they mainly read to themselves, and the stories are more interesting, and you can cook or something whilst supervising spellings and maths, with testing every week over breakfast.

ferntwist Homework isn't really for the children, it's for teachers to establish how intelligent the parents are 😂

ATTENTION!!!! I am seeing a lot on this thread about loading a dishwasher and getting a cleaner so many hours a week. Also a DH/DP sharing the responsibility. And the single mums like myself giving their stories and realised I had lost all thought of the original OP’s post. Now reading the OP after commenting it sounds like it’s a daily fail employee getting an article

@namechangeranonymous I do lots of those thing, I just don’t need a big list and to stress about them. Most of the things on your list are 5 min jobs!

Perfection is overrated, my kids are alive, clean and mostly neat, fed and healthy, do their school work and don't answer back. My house? Looks like a scene from Jumanji. I barely get on top of the mess from yesterday and never get any further than at least two loads of dirty clothes, BUT, I love it, I have two teenagers and three younger children, I've realised that happiness comes before housework and sometimes my sanity thanks me for that revelation.

1)routine of basic cleaning/household tasks/ironing
2)weekly supermarket delivery and meal planning
3)declutter - so much easier to keep tidy
4)heavy use of Google calendar with reminders for eg insurance renewals as well as events etc
5) weekly diary co-ordination with DH
6) plan all next month birthday gifts etc on 15th of month

I juggle two jobs, DH works long hours, two almost grown up kids who do help out a bit but have busy lives too (DS2 is out at college 11 hours a day).

I can't live in a mess but can't afford a cleaner so little and often works for me. I agree with decluttering being important and it helps that I don't have small children with all their stuff.

Most days I am up and on with the day at 6am, often don't get a break during the day and don't finish until 9pm. I try really hard to keep weekends free for relaxation but work can spill over into Saturday mornings.

Yes life can be hard and I do get tired but that's how it is for most women that I know.

All of the above. Brilliant advice. Seems to all about planning, being organised and being realistic. Oh, and getting a cleaner. Wee word for grandparents. Am lucky to have an amazing dad. (Grandad) he has his own life but nothing is too much trouble when it comes to me, my siblings and our children. He is scathing about any grandparent who fails to pull his or her weight. He sees it as continuing care for his loved ones.