To ask just how do you make it all work?? Life admin etc.

[NameChangeTimeNow]

Sort of inspired by the ‘perfect friend’ thread.

How do you keep on top of different aspects of your life and have time for it all? How do you make it work for you? Would really appreciate some constructive advice please!!

E.g. how do you keep on top of your job (if you work) as well as staying on top of housework and life admin? How do you even deal with life admin? Do you just make a massive to-do list of random bits and bobs and force yourself to stick to it and get through it?

...And how do you then make time for things like having a social life and doing things you enjoy?

This thread has made me feel more normal! Thankyou. I've been back at work since Jan after having my first ds. I find it so hard to keep on top of everything. My DH is fantastic and once ds is asleep we both spend an hour tidying and cleaning. I do kitchen, dh does bathroom and we both do living room. DH loves doing laundry so he's really on top of that and I cook. We only iron if absolutely essential and as we need it. We both often work late into the night and it seems house is only tidy for two mins before it's a mess again. Paper work everywhere. Toys everywhere. I'm trying to care less. The house is not dirty just messy and cluttered. I know I need to get rid of stuff just can't face taking photos and selling. We do admin once a month and DH has spreadsheet to keep on top of finances. We have calendar which has work and social related activities. Very fortunate that my family look after DS and he loves them and they pick him up from us in morning. I feel very blessed but still like a failure with keeping on top of it.

I think some people are creating a lot of unnecessary work for themselves.

Bleaching the kitchen, cleaning bathroom sinks every day, hours ironing.

Is it all really that vital?

@NameChangeTimeNow E.g. how do you keep on top of your job (if you work) as well as staying on top of housework and life admin? How do you even deal with life admin? Do you just make a massive to-do list of random bits and bobs and force yourself to stick to it and get through it

Good enough is enough, I find. Don't strive for perfection. If you can get to the end of a day and confirm that "all fed, none dead", then you have done just fine.

Specifically:
Job - mine is the kind where I am aforded a lot of flexibility in my role, so I choose to start/finish much earlier than other people.
I do often have to have late calls with the US too (and travel), so I am not worried about nipping out to the dentist mid morning etc.
Housework - we got a cleaner. The £12/week is well worth the extra time we got back on weekends and the squabbling and resentment I got when I found I was the one doing it all.
Admin - open the post and check for anything actually urgent (rare). It all then goes in a pile on the sideboard until I get a bit of time, then I sit down with something bland on TV and sort it all out, then file it in respective lever arch folders.
Life - we have a kitchen calendar. If it's not on there, it isn't happening.

Shopping - we tend to go one evening - weekday or Saturday, as it's quieter and we still get to to spend a bit of time together to chat as we go round, as well as sharing out a dull chore.
Cooking - usually me as I am home earlier, OH does a lot more on weekends. We have a lot of frozen veg and usually get meat out the day before too. Don't meal plan (I find that too dull and restrictive, just use my imagination on the day).
Laundry - I tend to do it when I am wfh then it's all done by the end of the week.
House stuff - I have a running to-do list (like repaint the fence, weeding, cat shit from the gravel etc) but it's not firm orders, just a friendly reminder to myself to do those bits as and when.

I think this thread shows that the old adage of ‘if you want something doing, ask a busy person’ is a trueism.

People posting on MN about how much life admin they have on their list is funny when they could have knocked off a few tasks instead of posting!

but still like a failure you "feel like a failure?

That's so sad. What are you failing at?

I work 25 hours a week and have two small dc.
I have a cleaner once a fortnight for 3 hours, which isn't much. Just enough to keep the house reasonably clean. I have a Roomba which is fab - not only does it do the hoovering for you, you also need to clear all the floors before using it.
I have a partner who pulls his weight and doesn't need telling what to do. He does most of the admin and everything to do with the car. I do all the laundry. Everything else is shared equally.
My mum is happy to do small chores for me occasionally. Eg, I took a pillow cover to the cleaner and asked her to pick it up for me as she was going to the GP's, which is in the same building.
DP and I both have a hobby we do once a week, it's considered part of the routine and non-negotiable.
We don't have much of a social life though. We only go out a couple of times a year when the in-laws are visiting and can watch the kids. I would love to have a bit of a social life, but tbh I'm too tired to do anything about it.

Something that really helps is to buy things in bulk...so 4 hand soaps instead of 1, biggest washing powder and softener, loads of loo roll. Always feels a bit more organised to never run out of stuff like this.

Furano - even the thought of downloading an app would have to go on a list of more things to stress about .

I have massively lowered my standards, taken over 50 years to get to this stage and things I stressed about in my 30s just no longer bother me.
I have found out what is essential in my life and what isn't and I just concentrate on what is important.
I do think some people almost seem to enjoy over complicated lives.

I chose to have just one child, I would never have pets, housework is minimum standard, I eat simple meals most of the time so I don't have to 'meal plan', shop and cook 'proper' meals. A sandwich and a piece of fruit is fine for a meal - if you are still hungry have two sandwiches, soup and a piece of cake. .

I don't accept invitations to events that I won't enjoy. Presents for under 18s are cash or cheques; an agreement with other family members & friends to stop exchanging gifts.

Keep life simple wherever you can and ask yourself 'does this really matter?'.

Cleaning doesn't bother me but I do have help in the garden.

When I was in your position it was always a battle to keep all the plates in the air - you're bound to let one fall, you can only try to make sure that it's not one of the important ones. Strive for 'good enough.'

Don't be fooled into thinking that everyone else is managing beautifully - they've all got the same struggles. If it looks good it's hard to see beyond that. A bit of delegation doesn't harm. And try not to strive for impossible perfection. Others may try to help and not do things as perfectly as you. Don't be one of those 'trying too hard' types who berates DH if, for instance he doesn't iron the tea towels as perfectly, or whatever. Let some things go. Create a happy home, not a perfect home.

• Family calendar synced on all our phones. Means everyone is aware of when I'm going for a haircut, DH has committed to after work drinks with colleagues, DS has an inset day at nursery, and our nanny needs the afternoon off to go to the visa office.

• Aforementioned nanny. She keeps on top of all DS's laundry, keeps the playroom from looking like a bomb site etc.

• Cleaner. Only 4 hours a week so we still end up sticking the hoover round ourselves every couple of days, but means we don't really worry about bigger things like cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen.

• Send out all big laundry items. This includes bedding (which the cleaner changes each week), towels, DH's work shirts and anything else which we can't just chuck in the washing machine with everything else.

• Two fridge freezers. One in the kitchen, one in the utility room. Means we always have a decent stash of frozen leftovers, frozen bread and frozen milk in case of an emergency.

• Well-stocked bathrooms. People laugh when they see inside our bathroom cupboards but I always have 3-4 bottles of shampoo, 6-7 cans of deodourant etc 'in stock'. Means we never run out.

• Calendar stuck to the fridge. Every weekend DH and I sit down together for 10 minutes and fill out a week-to-view calendar that gets stuck to the fridge. That way everyone knows what the plans are for that week and what needs doing, when.

• Magnetic notepad stuck to the fridge. As we use anything, we make a note on the notepad so we know to add it to the next shopping list. Nappies, plasters, cheese, Dettol... it all goes on there.

Everyone helps out. Kids clean their own room, change sheets etc, DH does a bit of housework. Meal plan. Don’t iron much.
What can house admin possibly mean? I imagine sorting out bills, mine are all direct debits.
Kids don’t have any activities so no ferrying around and we don’t go out.
I work full time, DH self employed. Dream of having a cleaner but well out of our limited means.

• cordless dyson
• whenever you cook, separate extra into portion sizes and freeze in ikea glass pyrex tupperware (can go direct in oven or microwave)
• deal with paperwork as soon as it arrives (no piles!!)
• all bills etc online / direct debit
• google calendar with emailed reminders checked each morning
• scan or photo and file all paperwork online so it doesn't clog your house
• declutter as much as humanly possible, and then some (keep going!)
• general quick tidy daily plus one quick extra task e.g. deep dust or deep clean one room every few days on rota
• laundry daily and use tumble dryer
• never iron
• jog back or to the school run (plus a little extra if you can) for exercise

also don't feel you have to fill up every minute of leisure time with kids or family "activities" or whatever. Some downtime to slowly sort through home stuff every so often is a good thing.

oh and for healthy food am currently embracing a selection of healthy foods e.g. cherry toms, blueberries, rocket, walnuts, hummus, spinach, carrot sticks in a bowl - quick, easy and healthy!

happy that’s part of my issue. I declutter once the. It builds up. This time I’m doing a bit at a time. Keeping on

I’m not sure it matters how organised I am, carrying the mental load for 4 teens, a dog and myself will mean I’m permanently overwhelmed and at tipping point.

I am organised, have all the necessary systems in place (laundry routine, meal planning, weekly chart, monthly calendar), cleaner.

I was getting up at 6am, walking the dog, going to the gym - that made me ill.

If I’m on top of home life, then I’m notnon top of work, and vice versa.

Just seemed fucked whatever I do!

Admin? Apart from keeping the cars taxed and serviced, we have bugger all. Oops, forgot the meters. Done.

I take it that the fact that I didn't know you could freeze milk means I am failing pretty badly

For admin and things I have to arrange I now have a system in my Filofax
Filofax has appointments- work stuff and workmen, doctors, garage, nights out for family put in
Inside Filofax - small notebook with in the front stuff I need to do - could be book plumber, discuss scouts events with DD, hang a picture, declutter a drawer - so I don't forget things for days and have an aim if free few minutes
In back of this note book I write stuff I need to buy - not all groceries as they are mainly standard but stuff like nutmeg is not normally purchased or compass for scouts or school tights
That really helps me keep on track and I take photo of odd things I need for when I'm out without diary

I only have one DC which obviously makes things easier.

I use every second of free time e.g. commute or lunch break to catch up on emails, pay bills and do any other life admin which can be done online.

I don't have a cleaner but I do the organised mum method (Google it) which is really good.

I do a load of laundry every day without fail or I can't keep on top of it.

I take a day of annual leave every couple of months and use it to catch up on things (and sleep!!)

DH pulls his weight and is very supportive. We have a family calendar and everything goes on there. It's sort of first come first served, if he has already 'booked' something on a particular evening I don't arrange anything then and vice versa.

I don't sweat the small stuff. We both buy lunch every day now, it annoys me because we'd save money if we made our own like we did pre-DC but I just accept that I no longer have time or energy for that now.

Whenever I see something which might be a good Christmas/birthday present for someone I buy it, no matter what time of year it is. I also bulk buy cards so I have loads waiting in the cupboard for any occasion.

Organiser app with sections for children, house, bills, self care, work, birthdays etc. I’m too disorganised to do it without.

Unfuck your habitat for cleaning fantastic app!

A partner who doesn’t assume it’s all my ‘chores’.

I love this thread, lots of ideas!

I have a cleaning rota, with the jobs divided into days of the week. On top of that, I have started this thing where I do one task to 'improve' my house/garden per day. It can be something as simple as sorting out a drawer. I figure that in a year's time I might actually be straight if I can keep this up.

I work full time, two DS (2&6), partner is SAHD but works his own business in the evenings, I have a calendar on my phone with reminders popping up. As soon as I have a date for something it goes in there. There's also a noticeboard in the dining room with stuff pinned to it. I do housework evenings and weekends. My partner does cooking / washing / dishwasher / school run. I'm exhausted too :-/

I'm rich which makes things a lot easier. Currently throwing money at various problems eg nice man painting front of house, also did the shed in an hour which would have taken me 2 days. Paid for physio which would have been weeks on the 'chase' list otherwise.

Dh was too ill for us to have more than one child. Makes things easier. Bloody difficult to have a large family as per happy days of yore without full time young healthy parent also as per days of yore. Plus also expectation now of shiny fashionable children with highly developed sports skills and social life. Not how it used to be. Takes grit to lower standards like this in favour of more sex with partner etc when others WILL judge.

Dh is dead now. Life a lot simpler in some ways as a result. More complicated in others. I do iron though, I like ironed duvet covers and shirts.

Fucked if I know.

2 dcs (13,4). 2 jobs working at home. An allotment. 2 ponies (luckily in livery so they are a 'fun' thing rather than a chore), a dog, guinea pigs and a pet pigeon. And we get married in 10 days so that has taken up a lot of time and planning.

I make lists on a sunday. A house list, work list and a hobbies list (allotment/ponies/anything else we have planned).

Housework takes 3 hours to blitz through. Shopping and chasing around for bits like the post office or pet stuff another 3 hours. Any life admin gets done when I have the laptop out for working.

Working from home means I can do stuff at random times. Got up at 5am on Tuesday to Get Shit Done. Will be doing the same tomorrow. It's a good idea to do this if you have life admin to do as well. You have got up early so want to maximise on that time and make it worth it. Plus you don't get interrupted by the phone etc.

Paperwork is the bane of my life though. Had our own businesses for 9 years so have a fuckton of paperwork that has to be kept. I have stopped printing anything off unless I absolutely have to and have cloud storage instead. Anything really important is also emailed to myself on gmail as it keeps absolutely everything.

I minimise random bits of paper like letters and appointment cards by writing it on the wall calander and taking a photo of it.

But I mostly just wing it.