AIBU to think if boys in changing room bother you, use the private cubicle

[starfish2020]

So to clarify, I have a boy with special needs and there is no way I can send him alone to the men’s
They only have male-female changing areas which is annoying.
They have 1 just 1 disabled changing room, which is usually needed by a person who has mobility problems in a wheelchair etc.
Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!
Well he has special needs and although he looks about 10/11 he is only 8 and mentally probably even lower.
My issues is this. There are single changing cubicles and the women who object to my boy seeing them naked can use those. Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them. I can’t fit in the cubicle with him and help him to dry/change it’s just not big enough.
So who is being unreasonable?!
Me who WILL keep bringing my boy with ME to female changing room, or the people who complain about it considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to.
Mumsnet wisdom needed

You have options available to you op, (disabled change room) but you prefer not to use this
You will have to wait until it’s vacant and that may impact upon your swimming class booking
It’s simply not a case of tough titty to the women who are uncomfortable with your son in changing room

I’m sorry but I agree with the people that are saying ‘wait until the disabled cubical/changing room is free’, I’m sure it’s not always occupied? My dd is 12 and had ASD, I use the disabled changing room, I don’t have the problem of her being male but she struggles with too many people close to her in a small space. At one of the pools I go to they have family cubicals (big enough for 4 people) which is much better.

I can see why it's difficult for you OP, but when your son turns 9 you are going to have to respect the (perfectly fair) rules if you want to continue using this pool. So I would start talking to the management now about the problems of them only having one disabled changing room that is seemingly permanently occupied and 5 small cubicles in the women's that are never in use.

Wow just wow
I pick him up from school and take to swim Lesson straight away
It’s the only time they have. No choice I’m afraid

I still think a 8 year old boy ( well wishing his right disability or no) is less hassle than a grown woman in male changing room
Some suggestions here are really stupid
And I wonder why I never post here
Now I know 😂😂😂
Thank you for your wisdom but seems some have none

So people who do not agree have no wisdom?

Ok then

Also you say that you and he can't fit in a changing room. This means if any women or girls need help changing then they too can't fit and must use the communal space. So you can't force all the women in the cubicle.

Sorry - use the cubicle or don’t go,swimming

So what are you going to do when he is 10? 13? 16?

What about his right to privacy and dignity?

Your op reads as if there is only 1 cubicle in the ladies and 1 accessible cubicle. You don't have the time / inclination to wait for the accessible cubicle if it's occupied but expect anyone uncomfortable with your son to wait for the one in the ladies?

I think YABU, I understand why you don't want to him on his own in the men's but I would complain if you were at my gym and I was having to try and get changed in front of a secondary age looking boy.

My swimming pool has a si gke u isex changing room with cubicles for everyone and plenty of large cubicles, which works very well. It's a shame more places don't do this. It makes life so much easier when taking children swimming.

That's an odd swimming pool with only one slot in the entire week after school! Not sure that is a successful business in the making!

If your DS is there for a swimming lesson, then why aren't you helping him change in the men's changing room? You aren't swimming therefore have no need to be in a changing room other than to assist him, so why aren't you doing that in the appropriate space - the one allocated for males to change?

Ds is 8 with autism and other difficulties which mean he is a long way of being able to independently change.

You’d probably mention it in your OP if you were looking for advice though. Because it is definitely important information in deciding how to respond.

well since a cubicle that is only for one person is no use, it’s not a leap to think he needs help dressing/undressing. Otherwise there wouldn’t be a thread, would there?

Not necessarily. Sometimes MN is like falling down a rabbit hole.

Find another swimming pool that has slots later or at the weekend?

Ok ok
You lot male perfect sense
I shall cancel his lessons and he will not be going any more
Thank you for the support and useful suggestions 😘

@starfish2020 actually I posted a few times without having a go and you haven’t responded. In fact I posted one in defence of you!

I have 3 children, all with ASN so I understand, but the fact is that the sports centre you attend isn’t providing the appropriate changing rooms for users with ASN. I wouldn’t take my older boy into a women’s changing room, and if he needed help to dress/undress I’d either wait for the larger cubicle or I’d go somewhere else. Because in many cases I’d expect a reasonable adjustment to be made for his ASN but not in the case of bringing an older boy into a female space.

I am not trying to make anyone uncomfortable but if you feel uncomfortable than use a private cubicle. It’s there for a reason. All 5 of them. And only one disabled

What if they can't, because they don't fit in?

I used to go swimming with my two when they were younger - we didn't all fit in a cubicle either, so we'd have been changing out on the benches - why do you think that your need to not wait for an appropriate cubicle trumps my and my kids needs to have a women's changing room?

Honestly though, depending on where you are and if this is possible, I'd switch to a more suitable pool. It's what I did when I found that of the two pools within 20 mins drive, one wasn't as easy to use for a mum and 2 kids as the other with family changing.

I shall cancel his lessons and he will not be going any more

Gosh.

I still think a 8 year old boy ( well wishing his right disability or no) is less hassle than a grown woman in male changing room

Is this the crux of the issue OP, rather than anything else. You’d just rather other people were inconvenienced than inconvenience yourself?

On an average day, when you go in for his lesson, how many disabled people are queuing up in front of you to use the accessible cubicle?

You've had plenty of sensible suggestions OP. You've just decided to ignore them all.

You can't take him in the womens over the cut off age, which is likely to be 8.

Women are allowed an expectation of privacy in a womens changing room, as are girls, some of whom could be in his class at school.

YANBU to expect more disabled change facilities but you need to focus your attention on getting more facilities for disabled people, or finding another solution such as changing him at home so he can just strip into trunks poolside, rather than being snooty about women having the audacity to be naked in a changing room.

That's an odd swimming pool with only one slot in the entire week after school! Not sure that is a successful business in the

Again wow
It’s the only one that had space. Am on waiting list for a later one but than again maybe that’s wrong too