AIBU to think if boys in changing room bother you, use the private cubicle

[starfish2020]

So to clarify, I have a boy with special needs and there is no way I can send him alone to the men’s
They only have male-female changing areas which is annoying.
They have 1 just 1 disabled changing room, which is usually needed by a person who has mobility problems in a wheelchair etc.
Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!
Well he has special needs and although he looks about 10/11 he is only 8 and mentally probably even lower.
My issues is this. There are single changing cubicles and the women who object to my boy seeing them naked can use those. Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them. I can’t fit in the cubicle with him and help him to dry/change it’s just not big enough.
So who is being unreasonable?!
Me who WILL keep bringing my boy with ME to female changing room, or the people who complain about it considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to.
Mumsnet wisdom needed

Pleasedontgoadthetoad
Yes 🤣 that’s exactly it

Time is not something I can waste as he has swimming lesson at a particular time.

Then get there in time to use the disabled cubicle.

if you feel uncomfortable than use a private cubicle. It’s there for a reason

Yes, the WOMEN's changing room is there for a reason too. It's for WOMEN, not for the boys of a mother who thinks she's entitled to use whatever space she likes because her time is precious.

Sheesh, you're really unreasonable, entitled and dismissive of other women.

Edit for the accessible changing room, I am guessing your son looks much older than his years

Seriously OP, use the bloody disabled facilities. That's what they're there for. Sometimes you might have to wait if someone else is already using it but that's just life.

Am seriously gobsmacked that someone would tell women to use the cubicles if they don't like boys seeing them in a state of undress in the female changing rooms. How entitled can you be?

At 8 it seems fine but what are you going to do when he gets older?

YABVU. 11 is too old for a boy to use the ladies changing room (and vice versa for a girl to use the gents with her dad). If your son can't get changed on his own at that age then you should take him into the disabled changing room. If it's occupied then you need to wait for it to be un-occupied (or as a last resort, switch to a pool with an available disabled changing room). Otherwise where is the cut-off age? Will you still be taking your 18 year old (fully developed male) son into the ladies changing room?

You asked who is unreasonable but then said you WILL keep bringing your son into the ladies. It sounds like you don't care if you're unreasonable or not, you just intend to continue doing whatever you feel like, even if it's inappropriate. Ladies aren't "prouncing around butt naked" just by getting changed in the ladies changing room - they have every right to be naked in there! Also you fail to consider that young girls will be in the ladies too, and even if they use a cubicle they are likely to see your son as he does not use a cubicle. I wouldn't be happy about my young daughter seeing a nude male.

Edit - wait

Sorry, but why should they use a cubicle? What if all the cubicles are taken?

But why can’t he use the cubicle in the ladies if the accessible changing room is in use?

Do you really need to be in there with him? If he does need your help to change (beyond the low standards the rest of us have for our 8 year olds getting dressed after swimming) then you should definitely be using the accessible changing room, and asking the pool to convert at least one cubicle into a family changing cubicle.

either get there 15 minutes ahead of the time for his lesson (this ain't rocket science, lady) or put his swimming trunks on under his clothes and send him into the single cublicle by himself. Presumably if it's his swimming lesson you are not also needing to prounce around naked in the changing room and can simply wait outside.

You need to arrive earlier then. Once he's 9 you can't keep taking him in there. It's not just about him looking at the women, but also about the women and girls not wanting to see the genitals of a pubescent boy.

You need to ask for more disabled changing facilities. It isn't fair on anyone, teenage and pre teen girls will be embarrassed and it won't be long before your son doesn't want to come into the women's changing. I don't understand why you are so hostile and feel that women and girls should be made uncomfortable when the issue here is that your son is being discriminated against due to a lack of appropriate changing facilities. You need to make this the sport centres problem to resolve and not expect girls and women to 'use the cubicle' to facilitate you.

Is there a disabled facility in the men’s changing rooms OP? Is that an option?

OP doesn’t specify his SN so that is quite a presumption!

I think if he was incapable of dressing himself, the OP would have made this clear before resorting to issues like a lack of changing time before the swimming lesson. People usually do mention that sort of thing, as it’s very relevant to their question.

''I think 8 is ok but anything over say 10 is not acceptable. I find boys stare. Completely natural that they're curious,''

bit sexiest-it is actually the fact that all children[boys and girls] stare as they are curious of the world around them and it is all new to them.

Where do you draw the line? You say he looks 10/11 so his actual age is irrelevant. What about when he looks 12 or 13? Will you still be expecting to use the women's changing room then?

I'm sorry your son has additional needs but you either need to arrange for a male to take him swimming so he can use the correct changing room, or get there earlier so you can use a disabled cubicle. His needs do not trump everybody else's I'm afraid.

Ds is 8 with autism and other difficulties which mean he is a long way of being able to independently change.

As much for his dignity as anything else I wouldn’t expect him to get changed in an open plan female changing room. If the disabled facilities are poor complain about that to them centre. Or take your custom elsewhere!

OP this is your issue therefore you need to find a solution and preferably not one that involves taking your DS into the ladies and making others feel uncomfortable.

Can he dress himself?

If he can, then put him in a normal cubicle and stand outside. Open the door and pop your head in to check up if you need to, but expecting other women who are absolutely entitled to use the women’s group changing room to move is unreasonable. They can change and prance around as much as they like and should not have to worry about young boys staring.

If your son can change himself, then stand outside his cubicle to be available if he needs you. If he can’t change himself, then you clearly qualify to use the disabled. You need to arrive earlier.

Your time is not more important than the comfort of every other woman at the pool.

@UnimaginativeUsername well since a cubicle that is only for one person is no use, it’s not a leap to think he needs help dressing/undressing. Otherwise there wouldn’t be a thread, would there?

Yabu to think that women must use the cubicles but yanbu to be angry that there's only one disabled changing space/no double cubicles so that adults can change a child.
Are there any other swimming pools near you?

You should be using the disabled changing. If it is busy then you will have to wait, just as you would if there was a queue of the normal changing.

You can't say that women can't be naked in the space assigned for women to be naked!

YABU!