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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think if boys in changing room bother you, use the private cubicle

902 replies

starfish2020 · 08/05/2018 18:50

So to clarify, I have a boy with special needs and there is no way I can send him alone to the men’s
They only have male-female changing areas which is annoying.
They have 1 just 1 disabled changing room, which is usually needed by a person who has mobility problems in a wheelchair etc.
Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!
Well he has special needs and although he looks about 10/11 he is only 8 and mentally probably even lower.
My issues is this. There are single changing cubicles and the women who object to my boy seeing them naked can use those. Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them. I can’t fit in the cubicle with him and help him to dry/change it’s just not big enough.
So who is being unreasonable?!
Me who WILL keep bringing my boy with ME to female changing room, or the people who complain about it considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to.
Mumsnet wisdom needed

OP posts:
JackieReacher · 08/05/2018 19:26

what is the issue with waiting for the accessible cubicle to be free? That would be polite and considerate of you. Really quite surprising that it's so frequently busy and yes - if you can't access it, you need to take it up with the club as PP said rather than being inconsiderate of other users who are perfectly entitled to "prounce (sic) around naked" in the changing room if they want.
Adequate provision appears to have been made but you don't fancy waiting. On that basis, yes YABU

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/05/2018 19:26

You have every right to use the disabled cubicle and I think you should. You may have to wait a while if someone else is using it.

But weird to say they’re “poncing around”. They’re women undressing and dressing in the women’s changing room. Which is their right.

UnimaginativeUsername · 08/05/2018 19:26

Why don’t you get him to change inside a cubical? Presumably he can get changed himself. You can quickly take him in, put him in the cubicle until you’re ready to leave, and then quickly take him out. That way you minimise the effect on the other women.

Or use the disabled changing room. Disabled facilities are not only for people in wheelchairs. They’re for people who need the extra space/ability to have a career help for a whole host of disability related reasons. (Just as I wouldn’t use the disabled changing room, even though I have a condition that qualifies as a disability under the equalities act, because I do not need the extra space).

Rainydaydog · 08/05/2018 19:27

I understand that you want to keep the accessible changing room free for people who have mobility problems but I think you should use it. Everyone would be quite happy for you to use it as your ds needs your help, and you then avoid the problem of upsetting women in the ladies changing room. It is not really inconvenient to you beyond a short wait and if you have to wait your turn you could bring towels or robes to keep warm in if necessary and leave on the side of the pool.

15star · 08/05/2018 19:27

Just use the disabled cubicle or wait for it to become available. If your son has special needs it's appropriate to use it. Seems like you just want to prove a point and are making a big deal out of nothing. Is there no local pools with family changing rooms?

treeofhearts · 08/05/2018 19:29

Sorry just seen he is 8 but looks older. I think you're on the cusp tbh. You can't really justify it much longer. Once he hits 9 it really is getting to the stage of being unacceptable. I know queuing for the 1 disabled room is annoying but that's life.

Original poster
starfish2020 · 08/05/2018 19:29

Leighdinglady 😂😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
GreedyVegan · 08/05/2018 19:29

Somebody snapped at me for having my son with me in the showers at the waterpark the other day, he is only just 5!

SeahorsesAREhorses · 08/05/2018 19:30

You need to wait until the cubicle you can use is free. Campaign for more cubicles, I am sure the women and girls would assist in this as it doesn't trample on their right to privacy.

Also you say they are prouncing/prancing around but naked and this seems to bother you. These are their changing rooms, they can use them how they like.

Friolero · 08/05/2018 19:30

I'm with you on this one OP. I would use the disabled changing room if it's free, but if it's not then you don't have much alternative, whereas anyone else in the ladies who doesn't like an 8 yr old boy being there can use the cubicles. My son also has special needs and disabilities, and luckily there are two disabled changing rooms plus several family ones at our local leisure centre, so we're usually ok, but I know if he was forced to wait for one of these to become free before changing out of his wet swimming things he would become increasingly distressed to the extent I would struggle to get him changed.

I think you're likely to face more people complaining as he gets older & bigger unfortunately, so it's definitely worth approaching the leisure centre to see whether they can improve the provision for people with disabilities.

noeffingidea · 08/05/2018 19:31

YABU, and rather entitled. It's not up to you to tell the other users to use the cubicles. Use the accessible (disabled) changing room, thats what it's there for.

hazeyjane · 08/05/2018 19:31

Sorry I think you are unreasonable.

It is awful that there are not more disabled/accessible changing cubicles, or family cubicles available.

In our pool, I take ds in the disabled changing room/toilet (and he isn't 8 yet) and wait if it is occupied. It is not ideal, but really don't think it is fair that women and girls should have to go in to a cubicle for privacy, when they are in a female changing room.

TidyDancer · 08/05/2018 19:31

I can see both sides of this. I do think in the interests of a compromise you probably need to wait for the accessible changing to become free. I would be asking questions of the pool management as to why they are lacking in accessible facilities though. One isn't enough.

Moominfan · 08/05/2018 19:32

Bit of a no win situation. I'd hang about for the disabled facilities to become available. You might not feel uncomfortable but others do

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 08/05/2018 19:32

This reply has been deleted

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Smeddum · 08/05/2018 19:33

Presumably he can get changed himself

OP doesn’t specify his SN so that is quite a presumption!

BarbarianMum · 08/05/2018 19:34

YABU If your son cannot change by himself and is over 8 then wait for the disabled changing to become free and use that. He has no business in the womens changing room, disability or no.

KurriKurri · 08/05/2018 19:34

The issue surely here is the lack of provision for people with disabilities and their carers to get changed. It is ridiculous that there is only one changing room you can use OP.

At our local swimming pool there are very few private cubicles and they are always occupied. also the doors don't go right down to the floor - there is a gap - and I've had small children poke their heads underneath when I've been changing (girls and boys).
I'm not bothered by little children of either sex, but I think 8 is a reasonable cut off point.

In the situation I've described, a private cubicle is not usually an option unless you want to stand around and wait in a wet swimsuit until one is free. So I generally change in the communal area. I've had pretty extensive surgery on my body and I wouldn't be particularly comfortable to have boys over 8yrs able to see me changing.

I think it is a legitimate concern not to want a young child changing on his own, but the solution should lie in better provision of family changing areas and disabled changing areas.

MirriVan · 08/05/2018 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkyredrose · 08/05/2018 19:35

If you had an 8 yr old daughter would she be happy with boys her own age watching her undress?

PleaseDontGoadTheToad · 08/05/2018 19:35

Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them.

IKR? Like, how dare these women get showered and changed in the changing rooms which was designed for their use. Silly wimmin need to STFU and learn that boys needs are more important.

Original poster
starfish2020 · 08/05/2018 19:36

Time is not something I can waste as he has swimming lesson at a particular time.
I asked the pool and their cut of age is 9.
I am not trying to make anyone uncomfortable but if you feel uncomfortable than use a private cubicle. It’s there for a reason. All 5 of them. And only one disabled
And no I do not feel entitled at all, what a stupid thing to say
I just want to take my boy swimming
That’s all

OP posts:
MirriVan · 08/05/2018 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 08/05/2018 19:37

I have a son with additional needs who needs a lot of support so I’m not without empathy but how long will he keep going in with you? What about when he’s a developing young man?

boywiththebrokensmile2 · 08/05/2018 19:38

''Do what you’re doing. I have an 11 year old and 7 year old and there’s no way either of them are gong in changing rooms alone.''

an 11 year old??? Are you serious? That is secondary school age and boys are well able to get dressed in a changing room alone at that age. Completely ott.