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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to decline to do this

163 replies

rodstewartsmerkin · 08/05/2018 14:26

Backstory: about 2 and a half years ago my DH and I had a disagreement with his sister and her husband. It had been building for a while and it was a bit unpleasant. I won’t say what it was about as it’s quite outing but it wasn’t anything really that major. Just a case of simmering when it should have been nipped in the bud. We all learned some lessons I think. I am not an avid user of social media but do have Facebook and Instagram and I noticed weeks afterwards that they had both blocked me on both sites. I found it odd and perhaps a bit childish but their choice.

Anyway, we’re not as close as we once were but our children are which is great.

My AIBU is that I went on maternity leave with my
second DD at the start of April and she was born in the middle of April...and they’ve asked me to look after their daughter two days a week to help them with childcare. There’s been no mention of paying me for this being a regular thing. I could be being a bit childish myself but I’m still blocked on their social media but I’m useful to look after their dd.

During my pregnancy they never once asked how I was, when my due date was or anything about it. I don’t expect to be the centre of attention but found it strange that they never asked me or DH anything about pregnancy.

Aibu and a bit childish to tell them to find their own childcare as I have a three year old and newborn?

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 08/05/2018 14:29

"It would be lovely for the cousins to get together more often, but I won't be able to take on regular childcare as I'm already run off my feet with these two haha! Obviously give me a shout if you're ever stuck as a one off though x"

Ohyesiam · 08/05/2018 14:29

Just say that it wouldn’t work for you at the moment.
Why care for their child when they don’t bother with you? Not childish to say no.

Lemontart25 · 08/05/2018 14:32

Nope not unreasonable at all. How cheeky of them!

Devilishpyjamas · 08/05/2018 14:34

Honestly sounds a recipe for disaster. Say what mrshathaway suggested.

Allthebestnamesareused · 08/05/2018 14:34

Say no!

Bobbybobbins · 08/05/2018 14:36

Yadnbu!

underneaththeash · 08/05/2018 14:36

Of course you're not being unreasonable, you have a new baby! Really cheeky of them to ask.

Orchidflower1 · 08/05/2018 14:36

What mrs Hathaway said is perfect- spot on

Aeroflotgirl · 08/05/2018 14:37

No cheeky users, so your good enough for childcare, but they are still blocking you. Tell them to sling their hook.

Storm4star · 08/05/2018 14:38

To me, the fall out and everything else is utterly irrelevant. You have been asked to look after an extra child when you already have 2, one of whom is a newborn! Even if you had the best relationship in the world with them, they’re still asking a bit much! So it’s not you being childish. I would say no regardless.

billybagpuss · 08/05/2018 14:41

I do know how you feel and not unreasonable at all.

However, do you want a relationship with them? it could be a good way to start building bridges.

Also you have a newborn, I wouldn't commit to anything too regular you need your rest.

Are they avid social media users, they may well have forgotten you are blocked.

KatharinaRosalie · 08/05/2018 14:41

'Haha, you're so funny - if I wanted to look after 3 kids for free, I would have another one myself'

Hatewaybuloo · 08/05/2018 14:42

No way! You’re on mat leave, not a holiday!

rainbowstardrops · 08/05/2018 14:43

Cheeky feckers! Tell them to bugger off

TroubledLichen · 08/05/2018 14:43

MrsHathaway’s response is perfect.

Mookatron · 08/05/2018 14:50

Are they completely nuts? Who would want to take on someone else's kid 2 days a week when they've got a 3 year old and a newborn??

YANBU even a tiny teeny bit!

Likejellytots88 · 08/05/2018 14:50

Just say no because you have a newborn and will still be finding your feet in regards to looking after 2 young children, getting into a routine and all that. Even if you had a decent relationship that would be asking too much knowing you'll no doubt have your hands full with your own DC but with the fact you aren't close, I wouldn't even worry about being 'childish' its your decision and they have to suck it up!

Alienspaceship · 08/05/2018 14:52

Mrs Hathaway’s response is perfect

Rudgie47 · 08/05/2018 14:54

Its cheeky of them to ask irrespective of the argument, just say you cant do it as your too busy with your 2 children. I'd suggest they look up local childminders and have a proper going on where they pay.

Cawfee · 08/05/2018 14:56

Blimey! You are not BU. That’s a massive ask and a massive cheek considering the circumstances. Just say no. It’s not something you want to be tied down to and you may go back to work and you want to keep your options open. You do t have to agree

MeMyShelfandIkea · 08/05/2018 14:56

Out of interest what does your DH think you should do? (I'm not implying it's not your decision though).

And no, not childish at all to refuse. Childish would be a no followed by "ner ner ne ner ner!" It's a big thing they're asking of you!

TryingOutNC · 08/05/2018 14:57

I would leave out this bit Obviously give me a shout if you're ever stuck as a one off though

That's inviting cheeky fuckery.

I can't believe she's asking you when you have a 3yr old and a newborn!!

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 08/05/2018 14:57

No-one should undertake childcare for anyone you can't be honest and comfortable with so YANBU. Recipe for disaster all round.

Even if you wanted to sit down and eat strawberries and hob nobs all day whilst watching 'say yes to the dress' on loop, it's never childish not to want to look after someone else's children on a regular basis!

ferriswheel · 08/05/2018 14:58

What Mrs Hathaway said but with out the one off offer.

ScrubTheDecks · 08/05/2018 14:58

OMG! That is outrageous.

How do people come to think that anyone on maternity leave is fair game for free childcare?

(I am assuming they didn't look after your older child while she was on ML?).

Just say 'sorry - my hands are full with my own kids and I'm not looking to take on anything extra. Be lovely for the cousins to spend time together, though.'

They have probably forgotten about blocking you on social media.