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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to decline to do this

163 replies

rodstewartsmerkin · 08/05/2018 14:26

Backstory: about 2 and a half years ago my DH and I had a disagreement with his sister and her husband. It had been building for a while and it was a bit unpleasant. I won’t say what it was about as it’s quite outing but it wasn’t anything really that major. Just a case of simmering when it should have been nipped in the bud. We all learned some lessons I think. I am not an avid user of social media but do have Facebook and Instagram and I noticed weeks afterwards that they had both blocked me on both sites. I found it odd and perhaps a bit childish but their choice.

Anyway, we’re not as close as we once were but our children are which is great.

My AIBU is that I went on maternity leave with my
second DD at the start of April and she was born in the middle of April...and they’ve asked me to look after their daughter two days a week to help them with childcare. There’s been no mention of paying me for this being a regular thing. I could be being a bit childish myself but I’m still blocked on their social media but I’m useful to look after their dd.

During my pregnancy they never once asked how I was, when my due date was or anything about it. I don’t expect to be the centre of attention but found it strange that they never asked me or DH anything about pregnancy.

Aibu and a bit childish to tell them to find their own childcare as I have a three year old and newborn?

OP posts:
snewname · 09/05/2018 18:26

No chance. Not even for a really good family member or friend.

user1472151176 · 09/05/2018 18:41

There is no way I could have handled 2 extra children when mine were 3 and newborn (not saying you couldn't handle it). Definitely not unreasonable to say no. That's a big ask without all the awkward history. Maybe say you could help if needed at times but can't commit to anything on a regular basis.

BarefootMe · 09/05/2018 18:46

Thery are the ones being unreasonable in they what they are asking!

Ferriswheel is right - Mrs. Hathaway without the last bit - otherwise you will soon find they are stuck!.

Smudge100 · 09/05/2018 18:52

You would be insane to do it. It's asking for trouble. Walk away.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/05/2018 18:54

I take it they didn’t respond. Grin

DartmoorDoughnut · 09/05/2018 18:58

Glad you told them no! Newborn and toddler is a whole other kettle of fish let alone throwing in another toddler

peachdribble · 09/05/2018 18:59

You need to bond with your new-born first, then see how you feel in your own time!
I’d make no commitment either way, and I’d certainly not do any favours for anyone who’d blocked me on social media. Wtf

Vangoghsear · 09/05/2018 19:10

Your maternity leave is for you to look after your baby. Just say no. Personally I would not even bother with any explanation but if you wanted to offer one you could say you are fully occupied with the new baby and your other children.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 09/05/2018 19:30

Blocked you and didn’t ask about your pregnancy. Very clear message there. Sorry can’t help. Don’t need anything else with a newborn and toddler. Anyway, you asked me nothing about my pregnancy and blocked me on social media...

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/05/2018 19:30

I wonder what on earth made them think it was ok to ask you at all?.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 09/05/2018 19:38

I’m just wondering that myself. I can’t get over the brass necks on some of the people I read about on MN sometimes. There was a similar thread on here a few days ago where the op’s SIL wanted unpaid childcare as well.

browneyes77 · 09/05/2018 19:38

Wow, even without all the other stuff, just asking you to look after their child when they know you have a toddler and a newborn is crazy and cheeky as fuck.

But with the added fact they’ve not bothered with you all pregnancy and have been childish enough to block you on SM, that takes it into major CF territory!!

Curious to know what she responds to that text!

What does your DH think of her text?

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 09/05/2018 19:40

Leaving aside the blocking and lack of interest in your pregnancy, there's no way I'd ask the mother of a newborn baby to make me a cup of tea, never mind look after my kids for me!
Even considering this would be unreasonable.

Maisymoo22 · 09/05/2018 19:44

Huh they’ve got some front!!! Totally ignore, and block their number... two can play at their game.
Enjoy your little ones in peace without feeling the least bit guilty!!!

viques · 09/05/2018 20:00

tell them you are not a registered childminder therefore it would be illegal for you to accept payment for looking after their child which you assume they would want to do because they are not scrounging chancers (tinkly laugh)

Landed · 09/05/2018 20:00

Well done OP for your reply. Kind of wish they could see all the responses to see what everyone thinks! If they come back saying they'll pay you rather than some stranger tell them £20 an hour & they pay the insurance etcetc as you will be doing them a favour. See how quick they look for a registered childminder!

Dillydallyer · 09/05/2018 20:11

Well done on your response. You most definitely are not being unreasonable. Two children are hard enough to look after let alone three! And your maternity leave is for you to spend time bonding with your own baby, not looking after someone else's. When I was pregnant I had a friend who had a three month old. She asked me to look after her for an hour once, knowing full well I was suffering from SPD and had my own toddler to look after. She came back 8 hours later, having ignored all my texts and phone calls all day. I've not looked after her since and she knows better than to ask!! Some people just take the piss.

Congratulations on your new baby.

Jezebel101 · 09/05/2018 20:18

I'd love to but I'm so exhausted with a newborn and young child that it would be too much for me. I'm sure you understand.

They've necks as hard as a jockeys b*llocks for asking!

MorriBuntz25 · 09/05/2018 20:58

Please tell them no. It's weird they would ask. You don't cut someone out of your life and then ask for a favour. Its crazy they asked. Please say no and congratulations on your newborn. Enjoy your little ones. Don't endure any unnecessary stress lovely xx

SteveMcGarrettsBudgieSmugglers · 09/05/2018 22:10

they are cf, I wouldnt ask anyone with a newborn to do anything

everything else aside I thought if you were doing regular childcare you had to be registered, in which case you cant do it anyway

pollymere · 09/05/2018 22:28

It's called maternity leave for a reason. You need time during the day to cope with the two you have and not have the added pressure of childminding.

caringcarer · 09/05/2018 23:29

I would have thought you will have enough to do with your own 2 dc. What if you want to take them out. It would be really hard to watch 3 children especially when one is a newborn. If they offered to pay you and you wanted to take on as part-time paid work that may be different but I would not do it. They clearly don't care about you.

caringcarer · 09/05/2018 23:43

This is unbelievable. Just say you are NOT a registered child minder.

ZenZeeZoo · 10/05/2018 00:08

God no. Nope. No way.
Not good enough to be friendly or even civil but you're good enough to be their free babysitter 🤣🤣🤣👌

Wetwashing00 · 10/05/2018 01:54

They are obviously trying to take the piss as you’re on maternity leave. Even without the falling out, I’d say no.
Going from 1 child to 2 is whole different ball game.
Glad you said no... keep us updated if the cheeky fuckers respond