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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to decline to do this

163 replies

rodstewartsmerkin · 08/05/2018 14:26

Backstory: about 2 and a half years ago my DH and I had a disagreement with his sister and her husband. It had been building for a while and it was a bit unpleasant. I won’t say what it was about as it’s quite outing but it wasn’t anything really that major. Just a case of simmering when it should have been nipped in the bud. We all learned some lessons I think. I am not an avid user of social media but do have Facebook and Instagram and I noticed weeks afterwards that they had both blocked me on both sites. I found it odd and perhaps a bit childish but their choice.

Anyway, we’re not as close as we once were but our children are which is great.

My AIBU is that I went on maternity leave with my
second DD at the start of April and she was born in the middle of April...and they’ve asked me to look after their daughter two days a week to help them with childcare. There’s been no mention of paying me for this being a regular thing. I could be being a bit childish myself but I’m still blocked on their social media but I’m useful to look after their dd.

During my pregnancy they never once asked how I was, when my due date was or anything about it. I don’t expect to be the centre of attention but found it strange that they never asked me or DH anything about pregnancy.

Aibu and a bit childish to tell them to find their own childcare as I have a three year old and newborn?

OP posts:
TomRavenscroft · 08/05/2018 15:03

Er, in what sense would it be unreasonable to tell them a big fat fuck-off NO?!

I don't know how they've got the nerve.

Ignore the suggestions here that include the word 'sorry'; you are not and you need not be.

'No, I can't.' End.

HeedMove · 08/05/2018 15:05

Absolutely dont do this. I agreed for a family member (not sibling) after my second was born and wish id said no.

They still brought her when she was ill so they didnt miss work, when mine were ill and wed had hardly any sleep. I spent quite alot on extra food and days out that I was never reimbursed for. It was just a nightmare.

Just say im sorry that would be too much to take on along with my two and a newborn who isnt sleeping well (even if its not true, they wouldnt know since they have shown no interest).

Takfujuimoto · 08/05/2018 15:05

I don't know anyone IRL who would think of asking someone who's just had a baby and has a toddler to then regularly provide childcare for another child.

If anything it's more likely for family/friends to offer having the toddler sibling for a day here and there to give you one on one time with the new born.

Just say no, this doesn't work for me.

Poptart4 · 08/05/2018 15:05

'I'll have my hands full with a toddler and a newborn so I won't be able to mind anyone else's children.'

Thats all you have to say. No apologies, no excuses. Don't give them the chance to try to negotiate with you. If they do come back at you to try and change your mind just say.' I can't do it.

Blunt and to the point, that's the only way you can deal with cheeky fuckers as they have a brass neck.

Willow2017 · 08/05/2018 15:07

Nope.
What the fuck is wrong with people these days?
You are not working , you have kids and a new born but here take my kids too just to fill up your days for you?

Get lost.

You are on maternity, time for you and baby to be together with your family, you havent registered as a child minder.

PleaseAndThanks · 08/05/2018 15:08

So cheeky! Absolutely don’t do it

AmazingPostVoices · 08/05/2018 15:10

Even if you were best friends it’s a big ask and you wouldn’t be unreasonable to say no.

fuzzywuzzy · 08/05/2018 15:11

I’m at the end of my mat leave with one dc, I would refuse to take care of anyone else’s child regularly.

I like spending time with my dc alone, and getting things done as and when I can.

I’d say no because you have enough coping with your two never mind taking on responsibility of their child also.

Meeting for the occasional play date is fine.

They’re CF’s for trying to use you for free childcare when you have a toddler and newborn of your own.

Cornishclio · 08/05/2018 15:12

Not unreasonable at all. You have a toddler and a newborn. Adding another child to your workload is putting you under pressure when looking after a newborn is already hard enough with lack of sleep etc etc. If they offered to pay you I think that may be something you may be within your rights to consider but I think even with family if you are accepting money to look after children you have to register as a childminder so that sounds like a lot of effort to make for someone who blocked you on social media. It also exposes your newborn to childhood illnesses and viruses etc. I know you have an older child so you may find this anyway but just having one pre schooler instead of two reduces the risk. I can just imagine the nightmare of you having to go out anywhere with 2 toddlers and a newborn.

SillyMoomin · 08/05/2018 15:12

Hell to the NO!!!

Mrs Hathaways response is good, but remove the "as a one off" bit- you'' find that everyday is a "one off"

Viviennemary · 08/05/2018 15:12

No I wouldn't do it on a regular basis. But you could say if you are desperate I'll do it for a one off day or so. But on the actual day you could be too busy so sadly it wouldn't be possible.

AddictedtoSnickers · 08/05/2018 15:13

I don't think you should use any excuses along the lines of 'busy with a newborn / toddler' whatever. It could open you up to future requests when the children are older. Just say 'No, I don't like the responsibility of looking after other people's children, but if you need childcare recommendations, I can suggest X,Y and Z etc.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 08/05/2018 15:15

Send the reply that @MrsHathaway put together. It's perfect (without being rude).

Fatted · 08/05/2018 15:16

It's cheeky for someone who you get on well with to ask let alone someone things are strained with!

SIL looks after our kids for an hour a day between DH coming home and me going to work. She had a baby last year. We made alternative arrangements with the kids and didn't ask to look after them until she offered to help again. I would never have dreamed of asking her to help with a new born.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 08/05/2018 15:16

'I'll have my hands full with a toddler and a newborn so I won't be able to mind anyone else's children.'

That's perfect.

ConciseandNice · 08/05/2018 15:17

Wow, CFery alert. Kudos to them for the brass balls. YADNBU.

TERFragetteCity · 08/05/2018 15:17

and they’ve asked me to look after their daughter two days a week to help them with childcare

'Hi, Sorry I can't, as if I earn money it ends my maternity leave and I am not registered as a childminder'.

eddielizzard · 08/05/2018 15:19

absolutely no way would i do this in your place. what a cheek.

expatinscotland · 08/05/2018 15:19

What Poptart wrote. NO suggestions, or telling them they can use you as a 'one off' or apologiest. 'I won't be able to provide childcare as I'm too busy with my toddler and newborn. You'll need to make other arrangements. x'

DialMforMordor · 08/05/2018 15:20

don't under any circumstances offer to have the child 'as a one off/emergency' - either you can look after another child or you can't. And you can't!

xyzandabc · 08/05/2018 15:23

What a great idea to share childcare, would be so helpful to give me a breather. I'm flexible about having your daughter, which 2 days suit you best to have my 2?

expatinscotland · 08/05/2018 15:27

And don't suggest reciprocal childcare because they will never do it.

Just no, can't do it, the end.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/05/2018 15:28

YADNBU and I wouldn't even consider doing it. Cheeky twats!

justforthisthread101 · 08/05/2018 15:29

As Grange Hill used to tell us:

Just Say No.

Regardless of the blocking as you have a newborn, they are CF of the highest order

Chakotay · 08/05/2018 15:29

cheeky bastards, I wouldnt even bother replying to them, block them back Grin

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