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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Doctor accused dd of telling lies despite evidence to the contrary.

178 replies

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/05/2018 03:02

Bit of background. We don't drink and dd 18 was with me the whole day.

About 11.30 this evening it was so hot ds said he fancied a cold fizzy drink. So did I. DD said she was going to have a shower and go to bed.

Ds and I nipped to the local garage to buy a drink leaving dd at home.

We had just driven in to the drive when I had a call from dd. She had slipped getting out of the shower and had woken up on the floor.

Very sore lump on her head , her vision was blurred and a cracking headache.

2 hours in A&E and the diagnosis is she has a hangover. The doctor refused to believe that dd didn't drink and was making up the incidence in the shower because in her mind apparently dd as soon as we left necked bottles of alcohol, no idea where said alcohol came from as there is none in the house and now has a hangover.

Oh and dd grazed her hand when she was out on Saturday. So dd is also bulimic.

So now I am left monitoring dd over night because the NHS doctor would rather make up stuff than do her job

OP posts:
PickwickThePlockingDodo · 08/05/2018 08:50

Obviously the doctor was out of order and I would make a complaint but I also would be wondering about the eating disorder.
Is there even a size 2 in the Uk? Shock

RebeccaWrongDaily · 08/05/2018 08:56

i think you have issues with Drs Op (from the posts you've made on here) you seem very sure about a lot of things.

A size 2 UK is tiny (hence bulimia questions in line with the injury and the blacking out) The way you come across on this thread seems very 'knows best' and i'd worry that you maybe are more keen to be right than to look at anything that might be wrong iyswim?

I am not having a go, in my friendship group a long long time ago we had a mum who oft lectured us about the virtues of her daughter who didn't drink, didn't have time for boys and worked her socks off to make money and to do her a'levels.
Sadly this was the image her mother had created of her daughter, which nobody challenged (we all had DC's the same age, her dd was the animal amongst them in every way) The daughter was delighted to be thought of as a golden child and nobody else challenged that narrative as mum was so invested in it.
It is sometimes the case.

Tartyflette · 08/05/2018 09:01

soupdragon yes, they absolutely would; I've seen a size 16 called obese on here. Now, the person may have been, or they may not. We have no way of knowing but it didn't stop the judging.

PerfectlyDone · 08/05/2018 09:03

This situations either:

  1. warrants a complaint to the department, or
  2. is a total misunderstanding about how certain things need to be ruled out, or
  3. did not happen as described.

I hope your DD is feeling better.

Popadoodledoo · 08/05/2018 09:21

Hope your dd is feeling better.

I had the same with my hospital when I was a teenager.
From being 13 to 17 I was in hospital at least 3 times a month crippled over in pain. Couldn't move. They would just give me load of morphine, say I'd been drinking and send me on my way.

4 years later they decided it could be possible appendicitis and decided to operate on me. Only once they did it they saw my appendix were that inflamed and large they was on the verge of busting.

I never complained. I wish I did. :/

Sometimes doctors are utterly useless and you're right, judge the profile not the person.

DuchyDuke · 08/05/2018 09:26

Around 99 percent of young adult who come into A&E because of a fall over a weekend do so because of alcohol related issues. Yes he should have checked further, but I’m not surprised he didn’t believe your dd. Don’t blame him, blame the idiots who get drunk to excess and end up taking away precious resources from legitimate cases.

IRefuseToAgree · 08/05/2018 09:32

My DD is a Doctor and I remember how shocked she was that so many people lied about things. Drink, drugs, diet, smoking, symptoms everything!

With the OPs daughter the Doctor was clearly wrong but if it was just a matter of him or her just double checking the OPs daughter hadn’t been drinking then I think that’s ok. It depends how it was done really. Doctors are trained NOT to take things at face value and to probe a little.

Original poster
Oliversmumsarmy · 08/05/2018 09:33

Just going through the replies

Yes a size 2-4 uk size. She is 5ft 9" and has always been slim mainly due to many many dance lessons each week.

I can assure everyone she does eat. Quite a lot. She doesn't starve herself nor does she make herself sick.

We are also vegetarian. I was 2.5 stone lighter than her at her age but I was seriously ill because my gp was treating me for anorexia when I kept telling him I had a stomach ulcer.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 08/05/2018 09:35

I'd just train as a Dr - you seem to know so much more than them anyway!

or maybe your DD is not telling you everything

Quartz2208 · 08/05/2018 09:35

If a parent is there saying no alcohol that should be the assumption - they could miss a serious brain injury because of it - if she is still have symptoms I would take her back

Also its doesnt make sense - she would be hungover if she had been drinking in the day she would be drunk if she had been drinking in the time

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/05/2018 09:36

My teenage DD was constantly at A & E with unexplained stomach pains. Referred to paediatrician who instantly decided she was anorexic/bullmaeic and threatened to basically have her force fed if she did not put on weight. Also accused her of making up pain to miss school. She had a scan on an empty stomach that showed gas in her belly and was accused of drinking fizzy drinks.

When I suggested intolerances (this was 8 years ago when they were less of a "thing") I was basically laughed at.

DD was a high achiever in her GCSE years, desperate not to miss school and often went in severe pain. She was not eating because eating frequently caused her pain. The doctor's attitude was so adversarial.

I complained to my GP and he referred us to a gastro doctor. She was diagnosed with IBS, given helpful drugs and guided through diet changes. Improved massively very quickly.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 08/05/2018 09:39

A size 2 at 5'9" doesn't sound healthy to me. Do you know what she weighs?

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 08/05/2018 09:39

Size 2 isn't even a thing, is it? Wouldn't that be a child's measurements?

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 08/05/2018 09:41

Whoa, she's 5"9? How much does she weigh?

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 08/05/2018 09:44

I asked because I'm short and a size 10 (8 on top sometimes) and while I'm not skinny, I'm definitely slim (and not deluded either!). It is a little hard imagining what a size 2-4 looks like, esp at 5 ft 9. That said, I did once know a dancer with what sounds like a similar build, and she may have been a size 4 (though I am thinking 6 more likely).

DuchyDuke · 08/05/2018 09:49

Size 2-4 only has the potential to look right on someone who is 5 ft 6 or shorter. On 5 ft 9 it would be skeletal surely?

DuchyDuke · 08/05/2018 09:51

To give you context my under BMI 5 year old step daughter can fit into most size 0 t-shirts. They are too long but fit normally at the waist.

Original poster
Oliversmumsarmy · 08/05/2018 09:51

I think you have issues with Drs Op (from the posts you've made on here) you seem very sure about a lot of things

Damn right I do. I spent my teens in agony because I had stomach ulcers. I was diagnosed as having anorexia.

I spent my children's early childhood on a zimmer frame being shouted at because I wasn't doing the physio to make the constant pain in my hip better.
Private consultant in 15 minutes of my dirt appointment could see I had slipped discs. Apparently they were sticking out of my back

Dp of 38 years went to the Drs 2.5 years ago. With pain in his lower stomach and a bulge on one side of his stomach.

He went over and over finally going every 3 days with constipation for about 5 weeks. His main concern was his dad had died of bowel cancer and he thought the symptoms were similar.

He was sent away eventually with stronger and stronger laxatives.

Finally was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer. It had already spread. Te bulge in his stomach which looked like a balloon and a doctor had said it was a hernia and attempted to wrestle back into place turned out to be an abscess which would have burst and killed him within 48 hours

Maybe we have been unlucky with Drs but I do get the impression that they don't listen or only treat one symptom at a time and don't move on to another diagnosis if that symptom doesn't heal

OP posts:
BlueJava · 08/05/2018 09:51

Really feel for you both - this happened to me. I had the worst migraine I'd ever had on New Year's Eve and DH took me to A&E as we were both worried. I was very sick in the car park, couldn't stand the lights etc. Doc assumed I was "just another person who'd overdone it". Felt so ill I didn't even care but DH was really annoyed and pointed out that due to migraines I hadn't had any alcohol for several years! So they can be very dismissive and get it wrong. I suspect, as others have mentioned, that she had a bit of sunstroke, or maybe she wore sun cream and slipped - all possibilities.

RedDwarves · 08/05/2018 09:55

Sorry, but you’re deluded if you think she is simply “naturally thin” at a size 2-4 at 5’9”. That’s emaciated, and I say that as someone who is naturally thin and as someone who has struggled with an eating disorder in the past.

You’re doing your daughter no favours by pretending otherwise.

titchy · 08/05/2018 10:00

Sorry, but you’re deluded if you think she is simply “naturally thin” at a size 2-4 at 5’9”. That’s emaciated, and I say that as someone who is naturally thin and as someone who has struggled with an eating disorder in the past.

This ^^ in spades Sad

LagunaBubbles · 08/05/2018 10:02

I would say that if she is 5’3” or below a size 2-4 is entirely appropriate

Totally disagree. A UK size 2 is not a healthy size for any adult woman.

flowermug2 · 08/05/2018 10:10

Yes a size 2-4 uk size. She is 5ft 9"

I'm 5ft7 and a size 12, and I'm considered slim by most people Confused she sounds very skinny.
At a size 6 when I was 5"7, I was diagnosed as being underweight and having anorexia.

PinguForPresident · 08/05/2018 10:11

A UK size 2 is a 22" waist (extrapolating that from clothes size charts as they don't go as small as a 2). A 5ft 9 that's not healthy or slim, it's the extreme end of skinny or emaciated. I'm not surprised the Dr was considering eating disorders.

I'm 5ft 9. At UK size 6 - when dancing professionally and at the height of my anorexia - I looked like coathanger with skin.

tabulahrasa · 08/05/2018 10:12

“Yes a size 2-4 uk size. She is 5ft 9" and has always been slim mainly due to many many dance lessons each week.”

That’s not slim...

My DD is 5 ft 9 and slim, she’s at the very bottom end of her healthy BMI range, she’s a size 8.