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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she could have scraped it off?

254 replies

ChewbaccasMate · 07/05/2018 17:46

Hello. I'm willing to be told I'm unreasonable but....
We had a celebration and paid for a meal for around 20 family members. It was pre order menu. One guest ordered a meal plain ie no sauce. This order wasn't communicated as I had that many people to sort I forgot to tell the restaurant. It comes to meal and she refused to eat it and wouldn't scrape the sauce off and instead ordered another meal at a cost of 11 quid to us. Aibu to think just scrape the bloody sauce off and eat it without causing a scene?

OP posts:
FowlisWester · 07/05/2018 17:48

Depends... was there something in the sauce that wouldn't agree? Or a flavour that would have lingered?
Certain things I wouldn't war

confusedlittleone · 07/05/2018 17:49

Use it as a learning curve and come up with a better system next time you need to do pre order... it's not her fault her request wasn't communicated

Original poster
ChewbaccasMate · 07/05/2018 17:49

No it could have easily been scraped off. Later on a relative said the meal was brought back plain but she had already ordered a fresh meal

OP posts:
Original poster
ChewbaccasMate · 07/05/2018 17:51

It's not her fault but I wouldn't make a scene about it

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 07/05/2018 17:51

Completely your fault. Why should she scrape the sauce off, it's still going to taste of the sauce she doesn't like.

You should have relayed the message or told her there couldn't be any adjustments and order something else from set menu.

magoria · 07/05/2018 17:51

Sauce gets everywhere and puts its flavour into the dish. That is the point of it. It isn't always that easy to scrap it off.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 07/05/2018 17:52

So it was your mistake, sounds fair to me.
It's sauce, there's no way to completely scrape it off, and if its something theres an allergy or intolerance to would be dangerous.
I'm assuming they just didn't like the sauce, in which case it is going to taint and possibly ruin their whole meal. Me personally, being non confrontational, i'd have tried to scrape, eat around etc, but i wouldn't have enjoyed it and been disappointed.

Quite honestly, good for her for speaking up, maybe next time you'll pay a bit more attention, and be glad it wasn't an allergen you forgot to tell them about!

Original poster
ChewbaccasMate · 07/05/2018 17:52

I changed some details it was cheese not a a sauce

OP posts:
AuroraFloyd · 07/05/2018 17:53

Scraping it off does nothing - you can always still taste it!

user1493413286 · 07/05/2018 17:54

Hmm I wouldn’t have made a fuss but I would have been a bit irritated that you’d forgotten and asked for it to be redone plain.

imnotreally · 07/05/2018 17:54

If she asked in advance I’m guessing she’s allergic to something in the sauce. If you’re allergic or ceoliac you can’t just scrape the sauce off. Slightest contamination could cause major problems. She asked. You forgot. It’s your problem I’m afraid.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 07/05/2018 17:54

Was she being fussy or does she have a genuine health concern that meant she had to avoid the sauce?

I'm a fussy adult and consequently.have little tolerance for people like this. IMO you just have to suck it up and be polite.

Frogthefrog · 07/05/2018 17:54

YABU. If a dish I ordered was covered in a sauce that I didn't like, there's no way I would 'just scrape it off'. Of course it will still taste of it. It's your fault for not communicating the request.

kaytee87 · 07/05/2018 17:55

Yabu, you got the order wrong. It's not her fault.

UrsulaPandress · 07/05/2018 17:55

I ordered the veggie option at a wedding. It was a mushroom pie. It arrived drowned in a red pepper sauce. No mention of that on the menu. I hate peppers so didn't eat it, cue lots of comments from 'family' about it.

imnotreally · 07/05/2018 17:55

Maybe she’s allergic or intolerant to cheese. Perfectly understandable to not scrape it off.

mither · 07/05/2018 17:57

YABU. If I ask for something without X in too that's exactly what i expect to get. I would be lifting a wee eyebrow of someone suggested I just scrape it off! Why the hell should I?

Original poster
ChewbaccasMate · 07/05/2018 17:57

Not allergic

OP posts:
Coffeeonthesofa · 07/05/2018 17:57

It would be hard to scrape off sauce completely and it might have flavoured the food itself, the family member took the time to ask for it to be served plain so really they can’t be accused of being awkward. They may have allergies to something in the sauce such as cream or nuts, they might be diabetic ( if a sweetened sauce) they may not be able to tolerate a spicy sauce if they have gastric problems. They may have simply not fancied the sauce. You are the unreasonable one, if anyone was in the wrong it was you for not passing the message to the restaurant.

TheAntiBoop · 07/05/2018 17:57

It doesn't really matter what it was. You invited her and have her a list to choose from - she is obviously a bit fussy so picked something with an alteration which you agreed to relay to the restaurant. You didn't and then expected her to just eat a dish you know she won't like. Terrible host!!

Personally I will eat what I am given as I don't have any food intolerances but for some people it can be at the least very uncomfortable to eat something they are not tolerant to. But in this situation it doesn't matter why she didn't want the cheese as it was your fault her request didn't go to the kitchen

MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/05/2018 17:58

If I'm going out for a meal then I expect it to be something I like and/or served how I like it. I don't eat cheese because I don't like it, I hate the taste and it makes me feel sick. If I asked for my meal to have no cheese on and it then arrived with cheese on, I'd send if back. Scraping it off would do no good as it would still have cheese remnants and flavour on it.

YABU, yes you were busy organising but she gave you plenty of notice that she didn't want cheese so it's not her fault that you forgot to relay her request.

FlirtyRomanticToast · 07/05/2018 17:58

It was cheese, not sauce.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 07/05/2018 17:58

Drip feeding and not giving the reason she won’t/can’t eat cheese doesn’t help OP.

Manupprincess · 07/05/2018 17:59

Why should she have to eat something she doesn't like in a restaurant ? So long as she didn't make a big drama about it, it's not really a big deal is it?

TroubledLichen · 07/05/2018 18:01

Presuming she’s not actually allergic, yes your fault for not communicating her request and I hope you apologised profusely. But as an adult and not a toddler I would have been mortified to behave as she did, even if it were something I really didn’t like and disappointed as I would have been, I wouldn’t make a point of showing up my host like that and making a fuss.