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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she could have scraped it off?

254 replies

ChewbaccasMate · 07/05/2018 17:46

Hello. I'm willing to be told I'm unreasonable but....
We had a celebration and paid for a meal for around 20 family members. It was pre order menu. One guest ordered a meal plain ie no sauce. This order wasn't communicated as I had that many people to sort I forgot to tell the restaurant. It comes to meal and she refused to eat it and wouldn't scrape the sauce off and instead ordered another meal at a cost of 11 quid to us. Aibu to think just scrape the bloody sauce off and eat it without causing a scene?

OP posts:
UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 18:54

Hi barefeet -it's lonely over here on this side of the debate!!

MyNameIsNotSteven · 07/05/2018 18:54

barefeetorsocks, but she made and paid for her selection.

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/05/2018 18:55

I don't think it's good hosting to have expected her to put up with the offending item just being removed if it could leave residue behind. But she shouldn't have just gone ahead and ordered a different meal on your dime (and given that the restaurant brought her the meal she wanted as well, you could have very reasonably refused to pay for her additional meal). But overall, you messed up by not sorting out the order and should probably just suck it up rather than bring it up. Don't invite her to anything similar though.

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 18:55

Who made and paid for her selection?

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 07/05/2018 18:55

How on earth do some of you ever go to other people's houses to eat
Most people I know ask beforehand if there's anything people don't eat and plan a meal accordingly.

Pengggwn · 07/05/2018 18:56

You're not getting this, are you, OP? You got it wrong. Your fault, your remedy.

TatianaLarina · 07/05/2018 18:57

I’ve been in a similar situation but I sucked it up and ate around it.

I wouldn’t make a fuss in a restaurant when someone else is paying.

On the other hand, if I were the host and a meal came that a guest couldn’t eat, I would order their preferred alternative for them. All the more so if it was my fault.

Piffle11 · 07/05/2018 18:58

It's £11. I would have smiled and let her have a fresh meal, even if I thought she was being precious. If you can afford to take 20 people out for dinner, I'm thinking that an extra £11 won't bankrupt you. She asked for it a certain way, you didn't pass on her request. My husband has an intolerance to cheese: he would have puked all over your table had he had just a little bit. So yes YABU.

DalmatianDots · 07/05/2018 18:58

This order wasn't communicated

Passive voice at its finest!

TatianaLarina · 07/05/2018 18:58

So in short you should have ordered her another one yourself quietly to save her the embarrassment of a scene.

user1488397844 · 07/05/2018 19:01

Perhaps she thougt it was the restaurant who had made the mistake and sent it back assuming it would be replaced free of charge? I have asked for things to be swapped before if I have asked for them plain etc and the wrong thing is brought out. Although if she knew it would cost you extra I'm sure she would say "sorry I've had to change that as I really can't eat it with cheese/mushrooms etc" I can't imagine she wouldn't bring it up.

Loandbeholdagain · 07/05/2018 19:04

The guest was doubly unreasonable - firstly for not liking cheese Grin and secondly for not just dealing with it without a fuss. I’d have gone hungry rather than cause my host to pay for me twice! It’s nice enough someone was paying once.

N2986 · 07/05/2018 19:08

Yabu op. You can't host a dinner, promise to pass on someone's preference and then expect them to eat it because you got it wrong.

Imo the situation should have played out as followed....

Friend: oh no, I can't eat this, it's got cheese on
Op: I'm so sorry Df I forgot to pass your order on, I'll get you a replacement.
Friend: oh no don't worry op I'll sort it and pay
Op: no no, it was my mistake I'll take care of it

Otherwise poor df will sit there pushing it around her plate receiving passive aggressive comments from the restaurant staff and other friends about why they're not eating

LIZS · 07/05/2018 19:09

You presumably asked for their order but didn't pass on the detail. Your fault I'm afraid, so you pay. The restaurant could have been accommodating had you done so.

Fatted · 07/05/2018 19:10

Given that you are the one who made the mistake, YABU. They asked for it without the sauce and you forgot to ask.

If they didn't tell you, then decided they didn't want it and ordered another meal, then I'd say YANBU.

balsamicbarbara · 07/05/2018 19:11

On the plus side you now know what fussy person to "forget" to invite to a meal in future

AlexanderHamilton · 07/05/2018 19:12

I detest cheese. I find it very difficult to tolerate the smell of it even.

I would not touch anything that cheese had been near.

Goldenpombear · 07/05/2018 19:17

Cheese makes me vomit there is no way I could eat anything that cheese had touched or even been near.

LagunaBubbles · 07/05/2018 19:19

balsamic are you really being nasty and suggest the OP leaves someone out just because they dont like cheese and the OP forgot to pass this on?

CluedoAddict · 07/05/2018 19:19

Cheese is revolting and I can taste it if it's been anywhere near my food. It was your fault not your relatives.

LagunaBubbles · 07/05/2018 19:23

In my opinion is it NOT good manners to ask a host to make changes to a planned menu for you unless you have a medical reason to

It was a restaurant, it has a menu from which you can ask for what you want as a paying customer, they can make changes if they decide to. Serving something without cheese would be a common request I would imagine. The OP wasn't cooking, so didn't have a "planned menu."

iheartmichellemallon · 07/05/2018 19:26

YABU Op.

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 19:30

The OP did have a planned menu as she was footing the bill for the entire meal.
Perhaps the restaurant provided a smaller menu of a number of dishes for the guests to select from. I have arranged similar in the past. Hosting 40 people in a restaurant. I spoke to the restaurant in advance. For a set price they put together a selection a 4 starters / 4 main courses / 4 desserts. They did not provide the entire a la carte menu, so no-one was suddenly ordering fillet steak.

The restaurant covered all the bases - meat / fish / chicken and vegetarian. Everyone was fed. I paid for it and guess what no one had to make a special order or order three dinners for themselves. Everyone had a great night.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/05/2018 19:31

How on earth do some of you ever go to other people's houses to eat - do you request to see the menu beforehand and demand the host to make changes to accommodate you?
Everyone I know would say something like "do you want to come for lunch on Wednesday? I could make spaghetti bolognese or a chicken salad?" which gives an option and is good manners when you're hosting. If I didn't like either option offered then I'd politely say so and would offer a solution such as "I'm not keen on pasta or meat but I'll happily have the salad without chicken, all the more for everyone else!" My friends are good enough friends that none of us would take offence at this and certainly wouldn't be bitching about it on MN and it's reciprocated when the lunch invite is returned.

What about weddings? Do you ask the bride to make changes to her menu?

Every wedding I've ever been to offers a choice of food either by a copy of a set menu in the invitation and you tick which options you'd like oritsa buffet in which case you can pick and choose as you like. The ones with a set menu always have written on them that if you have any special dietary requirements or require any modifications to the meals listed then please contact the venue directly with the details giving the name and date of the wedding as a reference.

I get the feeling if this guest had said nothing in advance, nothing on the day, and then left her main course untouched or had eaten the side dishes but not the main component then the OP would be complaining that she was wasteful and "why didn't she just ask for it without cheese if she hates cheese so much...?"

Katedotness1963 · 07/05/2018 19:31

Look at it another way...if she hadn't eaten her meal because of the cheese and you noticed what would you have said?

"Oh well, that's too bad"?

"You should have said and we'd have reordered for you, no-one wants you to go hungry"?

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