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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she could have scraped it off?

254 replies

ChewbaccasMate · 07/05/2018 17:46

Hello. I'm willing to be told I'm unreasonable but....
We had a celebration and paid for a meal for around 20 family members. It was pre order menu. One guest ordered a meal plain ie no sauce. This order wasn't communicated as I had that many people to sort I forgot to tell the restaurant. It comes to meal and she refused to eat it and wouldn't scrape the sauce off and instead ordered another meal at a cost of 11 quid to us. Aibu to think just scrape the bloody sauce off and eat it without causing a scene?

OP posts:
Lweji · 07/05/2018 19:32

In fact, if someone in your party had made a specific request, not only you should have communicated it to the restaurant, as you should have made sure the restaurant gave them the correct item. Anything else is poor hosting.

You should have been apologetic to the guest, not post on MN complaining about her.

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 19:32

And Laguna the guest was NOT a paying customer. The OP was the paying customer and this small fact is what makes the guest so rude imo

CalF123 · 07/05/2018 19:33

It's completely your fault. She specifically told you she didn't like that item and you chose not to pass that message on. It's only fair for you to pay for a replacement meal.

Lweji · 07/05/2018 19:34

And Laguna the guest was NOT a paying customer. The OP was the paying customer and this small fact is what makes the guest so rude imo

No. It makes the host rude. A good host should always make sure their guests are happy.

longestlurkerever · 07/05/2018 19:34

Bloody hell did no one read the part about the OP treating everyone? "No way would i scrape it off, why the hell should I?" - Erm, because a small mistake is going to cost your host £11 extra and it's the grown up thing to do maybe? I'd expect my 6yo to be more gracious than that if someone else was treating her.

Sparklesocks · 07/05/2018 19:34

She might be funny about food and unable to eat cheese, I suffered from a food phobia (which is basically gone thanks to CBT) for most of my life and if there was any hint of ‘residue’ of my trigger foods I wouldn’t be able to stop worrying about bits of them somehow making into my mouth. People can be funny about food, and you didn’t pass the order onto staff - it happens - but it’s done now, I don’t think it’s fair to resent her over £11.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/05/2018 19:35

It doesn't matter if the OP was treating everyone, it is rude to expect a guest to eat something they don't like when they've already communicated to you well in advance that they don't like it.

knottybeams · 07/05/2018 19:36

Was it just "cheese" or something blue, soft or classically unpasteurised? Could she be pregnant and not wanting to tell you yet?

DiegoMadonna · 07/05/2018 19:36

It's all about spin really, isn't it? Especially since the OP has given very little detail.

OP: Hi friends and family! I'm hosting a meal at a restaurant, please choose from this menu
DF: Okay, since I'm a vegan could I have meal 3 without cheese, please
OP: Of course. I'll tell the restaurant.

....OP doesn't tell the restaurant and the meal comes with cheese...

DF: Excuse me waiter, I'm a vegan and ordered this meal without cheese, please could you bring another?
Waiter: Ok
OP: OMG how rude is my friend???

MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/05/2018 19:36

To refer back to my earlier example, would you expect a vegetarian to force down a steak simply because someone else was paying for it?

longestlurkerever · 07/05/2018 19:40

I think if I genuinely couldn't eat it I'd discretely ask the restaurant to sort something - and pay myself if necessary, but for a big party they probably would do this without charge. I certainly wouldn't be berating my host for cocking up and adding to get bill, and I'm really shocked by the tone of some of the replies. No manners at all.

DiegoMadonna · 07/05/2018 19:42

I certainly wouldn't be berating my host for cocking up

Where did OP say her friend berated her?

MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/05/2018 19:42

Where does it say that the guest berated the host?

OP says the guestsaid she couldn't eat it and wasn't willing to scrape it off, she sent it back and ordered something else, restaurant brought the new meal and then brought back a plain version of the original meal which was returned as it was no longer needed due to guest having a different meal by that point.

Nowhere does it say there was any berating going on.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/05/2018 19:46

OP is the one with no manners. Her guest gave plenty of notice that she would like Dish A without cheese. OP said she would tell the restaurant. OP forgot to tell the restaurant. Guest was given a version of the meal that she was not expecting and was unable to eat (unable covers dislike as no one should be forced to eat a food they genuinely dislike). OP should have rectified the situation as it was her fault, not her guest's, and should be directing her frustration at her own forgetfulness.

LagunaBubbles · 07/05/2018 19:50

And Laguna the guest was NOT a paying customer. The OP was the paying customer and this small fact is what makes the guest so rude imo

Nope. The OP forgot to ask for no cheese on a guests meal. It's not a way out request. Its not difficult. If this was me I would have been apologetic, thats what makes a good host, i woyld be embarassed and I certainly wouldnt expect one if my "guests" to eat something they didn't like.
It never ceases to amaze me some people on here expecting everyone to eat things they don't like or they are "fussy.

whoopsiedaisies · 07/05/2018 19:52

YANBU!

If it was my meal I'd have eaten around it and been too embarrassed to cause a fuss.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/05/2018 19:52

If we really want to get into good/bad manners, Debretts covers the etiquette on this - the guest should inform the host in good time of any dislikes, intolerances, or special requirements and the host should accommodate these.

Gah81 · 07/05/2018 19:52

Did the guest make a huge fuss about the whole thing, or did she just quietly/calmly refuse to eat something and ask for a replacement? YABU if the latter, perhaps not if the former.

Extravagant · 07/05/2018 19:54

Bad OP - I have now read the word “cheese” so often that I felt compelled to go into the kitchen and eat a load (and more Baileys).

Lweji · 07/05/2018 19:56

If we really want to get into good/bad manners, Debretts covers the etiquette on this - the guest should inform the host in good time of any dislikes, intolerances, or special requirements and the host should accommodate these.

That definitely settles it, as some pps and the OP refuse to use common sense and good will towards a guest.

longestlurkerever · 07/05/2018 20:01

They certainly made enough of a fuss that at a meal for 20 people the host heard all about the fuck up with the cheese, and ordering a whole extra meal rather than just asking the waiter if they could bring a plain one is rude imo, but the "no manners" comment was directed at the tone of some of the replies on here.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/05/2018 20:04

They certainly made enough of a fuss that at a meal for 20 people the host heard all about the fuck up with the cheese

I'm sorry, I didn't realise that you were at the restaurant and sitting close enough to the OP to be able to see what went on.

longestlurkerever · 07/05/2018 20:05

That's evident, surely?

MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/05/2018 20:07

No, it's really not evident.

How do you know she "made enough fuss" for all twenty guests and the OP to notice? OP was the host, it's her role to check whether her guests are happy and satisfied, and she could have been sitting right next to this particular guest when the meal arrived.

OP, you need to clarify what sort of fuss.

Gah81 · 07/05/2018 20:07

Presumably the host could have heard about it afterwards or from another guest later? Only 20 people around a table and it is pretty easy to spot what is going on anyway, no matter how quietly you may do it.