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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she could have scraped it off?

254 replies

ChewbaccasMate · 07/05/2018 17:46

Hello. I'm willing to be told I'm unreasonable but....
We had a celebration and paid for a meal for around 20 family members. It was pre order menu. One guest ordered a meal plain ie no sauce. This order wasn't communicated as I had that many people to sort I forgot to tell the restaurant. It comes to meal and she refused to eat it and wouldn't scrape the sauce off and instead ordered another meal at a cost of 11 quid to us. Aibu to think just scrape the bloody sauce off and eat it without causing a scene?

OP posts:
Sadsnake · 07/05/2018 18:15

Good for her,I'm the sort of person who puts up with crap to avoid a fuss...so I don't think she should of just scraped it off,the host should of said don't worry I will get you another

OreoMini · 07/05/2018 18:17

Then the op would of needed to tell the staff 20 different altercations.

OreoMini · 07/05/2018 18:18

It doesn’t matter if you have been invited to a meal or if your paying for it. If you have told the staff or in this case the OP no cheese and they say ok then you expect no cheese.

LaContessaDiPlump · 07/05/2018 18:18

Was she vegan? I'm vegan and would have rejected a dish that came topped with cheese.

I prob wouldn't have ordered a new meal, though - the person you're complaining about clearly had more balls than me Grin

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 18:19

Just wow to some of these attitudes!

What happened to good manners??

OhDearMavis · 07/05/2018 18:20

YABU. I remember the sad 10 months I had to be dairy free due to breastfeeding a CMPA baby. I LOVE cheese but would also have insisted in a new dish. You made the mistake of course you should pay!

OreoMini · 07/05/2018 18:20

Good manners ? To not eat something you don’t like and have already asked for it to be altered Hmm

LagunaBubbles · 07/05/2018 18:22

But why should the host have to take this level of fussiness into consideration at the event she is hosting

Disliking cheese and asking for the meal with no cheese is not fussiness!

TheAntiBoop · 07/05/2018 18:22

It's good manners to make sure your guests needs are met

As far as the guest was concerned she may not have realised it was your fault and thought it was the restaurant who had forgotten

MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/05/2018 18:22

I personally think it's rude to invite someone to a meal and then expect them to eat something they don't like even though they gave you plenty of notice that they'd prefer their meal without cheese.

It would be like mejnviting my vegetarian friends to steak night and then telling them they're being rude and fussy by not eating it.

NoCanoe · 07/05/2018 18:23

Id have pushed it around my plate and then offloaded it to DH. Im a wuss Grin

Katedotness1963 · 07/05/2018 18:24

Sorry, but it was your mistake. Your guest should have to eat something she doesn't like because you forgot to put the order through properly. I think you should have apologised and ordered the fresh meal.

Notthemessiah · 07/05/2018 18:25

If you offered to make the alteration then it's your fault. You could have said no alterations at the time, which would have been fine and she would have had to have picked something else (or not eaten if she is actually that fussy) but once the offer is made it becomes your responsibility to make sure it happens - cheeky to think otherwise.

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/05/2018 18:25

The guest may have been fussy to not want the cheese, but the OP accepted her fussiness, in that she agreed to ask the restaurant for that dish with no cheese. So at that point she's taken responsibility for it.

If she didn't want to take responsibility, she should have said something like "sorry I'm not going to be able to remember that along with all the other ordering, could you come and order yours yourself".

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 18:25

Good manners to be gracious when invited at the OP's expense to eat a celebratory meal and not make the event all about you!

I really am amazed.

In my opinion is it NOT good manners to ask a host to make changes to a planned menu for you unless you have a medical reason to.

But if you do ask and the host appears to have forgotten your special request then you don't make a fuss at the table and then order yourself a new meal.

lindyhopy · 07/05/2018 18:25

It's completely your fault and if you are annoyed at all the guests having to pay a bit extra you should have paid it.

greenlanes · 07/05/2018 18:26

I am veggie and ordered melon. It came with parma ham on the top so I (and other veggies) sent it back. It was eventually sent back out with no ham, but the stain and taste of the ham because all the restaurant had done was remove the ham. More complaints and the manager finally came over - no more melon. It was a works Christmas meal and luckily for me my boss's wife was veggie. So no i am not allergic, intolerant etc but the request was clear. As it was in this case. Your error (however caused). The guest had advised clearly with notice, the restaurant didnt know. So yes yabu.

Lou222 · 07/05/2018 18:26

So did the restaurant bring a fresh dish back plain and she refused it?
If so she was very rude. Yes you made a mistake but sounds like the restaurant sorted it and she went ahead and ordered something else.

Flutist · 07/05/2018 18:27

Depends on the reason for refusing to eat it. If she was just being picky then she was being unreasonable. But if she was unable to eat cheese for some reason e.g. dairy intolerance then it's completely reasonable for her to refuse the meal. It was rude of you to ask everyone to pay extra though - the extra expense was because of your mistake so you should have paid.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 07/05/2018 18:27

Is she vegan? Tbh it sounds a bit like you were making a point by not communicating it. You messed up, you bear the cost.

Emus · 07/05/2018 18:27

Cheese isn't to everyone's tastes, perhaps she could still taste it. Sorry OP but the error was yours. In your shoes I would have expected my friend to re-order the meal as she wanted it and I would have taken the financial hit.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 07/05/2018 18:29

I can't stand cheese, and would definitely not eat a meal with cheese scraped off it. Other things I dislike but could cope with scraped off, cheese is not one of them.

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 18:29

Where does the OP say she asked everyone else to pay the £11 for the extra meal?

My understanding was that the OP was buying all the meals and the extra £11 was paid by her also

Luckymummy22 · 07/05/2018 18:31

I almost have a phobia with certain foods. I feel sick sitting beside someone who has brown sauce. I would never say anything but the smell takes over any enjoyment I have. So no way could I have eaten a plate with that on it.
Coleslaw is not quite so bad but I could not eat anything it touched. I always go out of my way to ask what salad is with a jacket for instance to make sure I don’t get it.
Mushrooms I don’t like but will happily pick them out meal.
SWNBU.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/05/2018 18:31

So did the restaurant bring a fresh dish back plain and she refused it?

OP said she had already ordered a new meal when the original one was brought back plain so I'd guess, even though it was brought back, it was no longer needed by that point.

What do you define as "fuss", OP? Saying sorry, I can't eat this, I don't eat cheese, please can you take it back? IMO if someone says they can't/don't eat a certain item then it is unfair for other guests to pressure them to "just scrape it off".

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