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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you share money in your relationship

181 replies

jajajaja4 · 07/05/2018 17:02

I am interested to hear how couples manage money.

Do you both put all your money in a joint account and both dip into it, or do you pay 50/50 for bills and buy other things with your own cash?

The reason I ask is me and my fiance earn very different amounts - he earns around 50k while I earn 20k. We pay 50/50 for bills, which means he has A LOT more money to spend on luxuries and leisure.

I know it's his money, but I'm wondering if married couples usually operate in this way? And what happens with SAHMs - do they get any money from their partners to buy things they need? Does their husband resent them?

OP posts:
Doje · 07/05/2018 17:05

I am part time at work, part time SAHM, so DH earns much more than I do. All wages go into one pot, which all bills come out of. If DH or I want anything that could be considered a large purchase, we discuss it and see if finances allow it.

Lethaldrizzle · 07/05/2018 17:05

If you've got kids everything should be split. And really it should be split evenly anyway. You are a partnership

Doje · 07/05/2018 17:05

Oh, and no, there's no resentment (that I'm aware of!)

Userme · 07/05/2018 17:06

DH earns double what I do.
All money goes into one bank account and is ‘ours’

BrightonCalling · 07/05/2018 17:06

First of all, rent: where do you live? Because either the house should be chosen based on what the lower earner can afford to go 50/50 on, or he needs to pay more rent.

Other than that, unless you're a SAHM, i dont see why you should necessarily get the same spending money as him.

NSEA · 07/05/2018 17:07

All in one pot with everyones bills covered, the rest goes into savings and with an equal monthyl allowance given to each partner. I earn a lot lot less than my partner and for 4 years was unemployed.

MapMyMum · 07/05/2018 17:07

All in one pot, it gets messy otherwise. It can only work with both people not being concerned about who pays more of each bill though, so no petty sh*t

Melliegrantfirstlady · 07/05/2018 17:09

At the moment you aren’t married so I think it’s not that bad that you don’t have a joint account.

What is worrying though is that you are concerned enough about the situation to post on here.

In order to make your life easier your partner could offer to pay a higher percentage of the bills to ease your struggles. So he could offer 65% and you pay the remainder.

No parents do not support SAHPs. That would be your husbands responsibility. You should sort all of this out before you marry.

Original poster
jajajaja4 · 07/05/2018 17:10

At the moment we're renting a one bed flat for 750pcm

OP posts:
Lovestonap · 07/05/2018 17:10

all in one pot - of which I have complete control! :)

mumonashoestring · 07/05/2018 17:11

At the moment DH is a SAHD so the bills are my problem Grin When we both worked I was the higher earner so we split the bills proportionally - I paid about 2/3 and that way we both had some money left over.

Even now if he manages to do a commission job for someone he pays a proportion of it into the savings, and I make sure I transfer money to his personal account every month so he has money he knows he can spend on stuff for him without impacting on the money for the bills etc.

BrightonCalling · 07/05/2018 17:12

So how do you feel about it?

Strawberry2017 · 07/05/2018 17:12

We have a joint account where both wages go in. We then have individual accounts where we transfer a set agreed amount in to for us to spend how we wish, the remaining money in the joint account is then for bills, food shopping, savings, holidays, kids etc.
This way neither of us has more then the other and everything is fair. We do earn similar although I'm currently on mat leave so wage has dropped.
With our individual accounts this means we can buy each other xmas/birthday presents without the other knowing where we have shopped.
Plus we can't be resentful of what we spend it on. We do both have the same amount in this account monthly.

Liverbird77 · 07/05/2018 17:14

All in one pot. We are married and expecting our first child. We both have money in accounts we had prior to the relationship, however most of this will probably go on a deposit when we buy a place. I also own a property. It's in my name, however the plan is to sell and pit money into a joint house. Husband earns much more than me and I don't work full time. We are both happy with this arrangement, however neither of us brought any debt into the relationship and we trust each other 100% with money.

sexnotgender · 07/05/2018 17:15

I out earn my husband so we currently split it 2/3rds from me 1/3 from him. We pay all the bills from this and the remainder is our own. Moving forward we'll most likely get a joint account and pool our money but this works for us right now.

Babyroobs · 07/05/2018 17:17

We have separate accounts. DH earns 2.5 times more than me as I am part time. DH has quite a lot of savings ( inheritance) which he does not see as joint and won't put any of it in my name ! We have no mortgage ( due to dh's inheritance which paid it off). He pays most of the bills - council tax, car insurances, mobile phones for 5 of us, gas and electricity etc. I buy most of the food and pay water rates and dog walker. I get the child benefit for 3 children. I have literally just given up one of my jobs and have halved my income overnight. I am hoping to get a better paid job to redress the balance, but for now I feel semi reliant on DH. if my account runs dry I know I only have to ask and he will transfer some money. I don't like to ask though.

TalkFastThinkSlow · 07/05/2018 17:18

As youre renting, and it sounds like you don't have kids, I actually think the way you're managing it currently is fair. But if you don't think it is, you need to talk to your partner.

DP and I rent together. We have one child. I earn more. We don't have joint accounts due to my adverse credit history. However, we have split everything in a way that ensures we both roughly have the same amount of spending money once the essentials are paid. DP pays all the rent; I pay all the other household bills, the nursery, and I buy all the food.

BrightonCalling · 07/05/2018 17:18

@sexnotgender
I have exact same set up as you.

Interesting how a trend seems to be when the woman earns more the bills are split fairly but then each deals with their own separate accounts and when the women earn less there seems to be a "one pot" approach.

JoandMax · 07/05/2018 17:19

We’ve always just had one joint account since living together. When we both worked everything we earned went in and all bills paid from that. I’ve been a SAHM for quite a while but always had full and equal access to our finances. Any big value items we tend to discuss first, more often that not it comes up in conversation anyway. Other than that we just spend what we need really. DH has never shown any resentment, he loves his job, I love being at home so works for us!

Metoodear · 07/05/2018 17:21

I earn 9k a month dh earns 40 however I have taken a reduced waged pt hours and we pretty much need no childcare
We have a shared money and account however I do save all my child benefits

As my nan would say all women should have some running away money my dh can be a real prize pig sometimes and I almost used the money twice and if we get to old age and I haven’t left I will clear the mortgage with it

And even if he wasn’t a prize pig if he died we would be snuffed so would need the money then

ajandjjmum · 07/05/2018 17:21

Everything goes into one pot - always has done. DH really doesn't know what's where, but obviously could if he wanted to!

Probably helps that our earning potential has always been fairly evenly matched.

AwkwardPaws27 · 07/05/2018 17:23

We used to pay a percentage reflecting our take home (not pre-tax) salaries. Now we are saving for our wedding, we have our salaries paid into a joint account and then a monthly allowance for personal spending transferred into each of our personal accounts.

Metoodear · 07/05/2018 17:25

Babyroobs This is not right you need to tell
Him no matter we’re he stuffs the money all monies earned while married is joint

And the fact you would need to ask for money and would feel uneasy about asking dose t Bode well

Keeptrudging · 07/05/2018 17:26

No joint account, we don't need/want one. I pay some bills from mine, DH pays some from his. DH earns (way) more than me so puts extra in my account. Bigger purchases get discussed, either one of us pays, or e.g. holidays, I'll pay accommodation, he pays flights. It's all shared, but not 50/50, neither of us feel short-changed.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 07/05/2018 17:26

Im a SAHP.
We have a bank account each. Husband pays all bills and rent out of his and also does the main months food shop.
He puts £250 into my account each month for me to do with as I please.
The child benefit goes into my account.
The amount he sends me each month can sometimes be higher or lower if he has earnt more or less for some reason.
Sometimes I use the money he has sent me to go halves on bigger things (like plane tickets for a holiday for instance) that benefit us both but usually just use it for day to day stuff like taking my son out with me to the cafe or topping up fresh food or cleaning stuff... new clothing for me and son.. stuff like that.
He will buy clothing for our son out of his money if asked.

We dont have a joint account because I was more comfortable knowing that all the money in my account was 'spare' money and not set aside for bills or anything. It works well for us.