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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you share money in your relationship

181 replies

jajajaja4 · 07/05/2018 17:02

I am interested to hear how couples manage money.

Do you both put all your money in a joint account and both dip into it, or do you pay 50/50 for bills and buy other things with your own cash?

The reason I ask is me and my fiance earn very different amounts - he earns around 50k while I earn 20k. We pay 50/50 for bills, which means he has A LOT more money to spend on luxuries and leisure.

I know it's his money, but I'm wondering if married couples usually operate in this way? And what happens with SAHMs - do they get any money from their partners to buy things they need? Does their husband resent them?

OP posts:
ILikeyourHairyHands · 07/05/2018 18:17

I've not worked for 11 years due to having a child with SEN, DH is what I imagine you would call a very high earner.

All money joint, separate accounts but I split the money between the two accounts at the beginning of the month as both have things coming out. Ocado account is linked to DH's, amy other food/stuff for the children I tend to use my card. Any left over at the end of the month goes into savings/investments.

We both have a CC with an identical limit that's paid off every month that we use for personal spends. It's a case of use it or lose it for monthly spends.

I often have to encourage DH to spend money on himself because he just bloody doesn't!

stressed3000 · 07/05/2018 18:19

We still have seperate accounts & because it’s worked we’ve not changed it. DH pays all bills, mortgage, childcare etc. I pay for food, activities, kids stuff etc although I’m trying to put by 1k a month now for some home improvements.

fussychica · 07/05/2018 18:27

One pot. Always has been, regardless of who was earning what or even not earning at all. We have a similar attitude to money, which helps.

SaltireSaltire · 07/05/2018 18:27

Joint account, joint savings.
Can't see why a married couple would need it any different. Shared life etc

Goldmonday · 07/05/2018 18:31

We have had a joint account ever since we were engaged and living together. I find it makes it a lot easier in terms of saving/monitoring.

HighwayDragon1 · 07/05/2018 18:35

Proportional, I put 250pm in the bills account and dh pays the rest. Then again my wage is less than his deductions so it's reasonable!

Missingstreetlife · 07/05/2018 18:35

Separate accounts for income. Joint account for house, bills, kids, food, car.
Each pay set amount into joint account, review when circumstances change, so that each has roughly same amount for personal spend.
My oh reluctant at first and only wanted minimum to joint, but now nearly everything (holidays, meals out, phone) in there saves having to do calculations.
Get your name on tenancy or mortgage. He doesn't seem very generous.

Moreisnnogedag · 07/05/2018 18:36

Have a joint account and have done for many years. DH is a SAHP and we don't have mine/his money. We have a budget but equal spending money (money for the DC is separate).

That's a big earning disparity - if I were you I'd have an open honest discussion. Financial compatibility/attitude is very important.

PurpleWithRed · 07/05/2018 18:38

All income goes into a shared account. We both have separate personal accounts that receive an equal fixed sum every month for personal spending. I was a far higher earner when we first met, now he’s the higher earner and I work PT.

The only exception is the odd bit of extra money- eg DH is paid for part of his hobby and he keeps that as personals spending. I got a PPI payout for money spent long before we met, I put a chunk of that into my personal spending for a treat and we shared the rest.

ashbah1980 · 07/05/2018 18:39

This would piss me off OP. My ex earnt about 5x more than I did so he paid more towards bills than I did. He also had more spare money than I did which was fair enough. But would I fuck let him sit on a couple of hundred a month while I had a couple pennies in the bank.

MagentaRocks · 07/05/2018 18:39

All our money goes into the joint account and I have a standing order that goes into our own accounts for £300 each for our own spending. Our mobile phone money comes out of our own accounts. Everything else comes out of joint account which I control, and I control the savings too. If DH wants to buy something big he asks first, not because I am controlling but because he has no idea how much we have so needs to know we have the money. I am more organised than him so that is why I control the money.

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 07/05/2018 18:40

We do:

  • 50/50 bills
  • a joint savings account but neither is obliged to add a certain amount regular, just spare if/when we have it.
  • own all wages paid into that persons bank account.

If we go out, sometimes we split or take turns.

MagentaRocks · 07/05/2018 18:41

Oh and we both earn similar amounts but he also has a military pension that goes into the joint account so he brings in more each month, although the equity in the house is from me and he has a daughter and spending for her came from joint account too.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 07/05/2018 18:41

I’m a SAHM (with an occasional job, few days a month) but even before we had kids we did this (I barely earnt anything):
All money into joint account
All bills out of that
£100 per person each week onto our Monzo cards (prepaid debit card) for whatever we want to buy for ourselves, coffees out etc
Entry to soft play, toys, top up shops etc all from the joint account
We have a joint savings account and some savings just in my name too. Both of us on the mortgage even though in reality I’ve barely contributed anything financially🤣
DH has a credit card for work expenses only which is paid off immediately basically, whenever the company pay him back.

seizethecuttlefish · 07/05/2018 18:41

We have separate accounts but mine earns more interest. As of July I won't be working and DH will be the wage earner. We'll carry on as we do now. I manage the money (only reason we have savings!) and he transfers a lump sum over to me. He keeps between 200-500 in his account and the rest pays bills etc. I've never understood the 50/50 thing if you earn vastly different amounts but then I've been told were very unusual.

Lazypuppy · 07/05/2018 18:42

We both put an amount into joint account for bills. Rest we keep for ourselves. We find it much easier, we both work hard for our money and want to spend it on different things

Aria2015 · 07/05/2018 18:46

We put all our money in a joint account. There is no 'mine' or 'his' money. We've done it from before we were married, I think when we got engaged maybe? My dh currently earns more than me (I work part time) but there have been many years where I earned more than him, not that we look at it that way. It works for us, we have the same attitude to money so we've never disagreed about how we spend it and it's just so easy not having to divide stuff up or comfier who pays for what. Also all savings (if we manage them!) are joint.

Alabamazero · 07/05/2018 18:47

I'm a SAHM. Before DC I earned less than my DH, but we've always put everything into one big pot and spend it jointly. The idea that he should, in some way, give me an "allowance" is archaic and, frankly, insulting. We are married, a partnership, and everything is joint.

StillMissV · 07/05/2018 18:58

We have seperate accounts our salaries go in to, then transfer to joint account for bills. He earns more so transfers more, generally he still ends up with a bit more left in his personal account but generally pays for much more than I do! It ends up being a pretty even split, we just haven't really ever got round to completely joining our finances and this arrangement works fine.

Joint savings though. It's like, when we start something new (eg I got a new phone contract recently) it moves to the joint account, or we need a new credit card so linked it to the joint account. Maybe by the time we retire our finances will be completely joint!

WidoWanky · 07/05/2018 19:00

See, i dont get this. You marry a person because you love them, care for them, want the best for them,..... but bugger me will i pay for them.

Says a lot about a relationship imo.

Mumtothelittlefella · 07/05/2018 19:01

One account; it’s a shared pot - bills are paid, savings made and money spent

mummc2 · 07/05/2018 19:02

Me and Dh have separate accounts always have and for us it works. We used to earn around the same pre-children and paid roughly 50/50 bills.
When we had children and I dropped to part-time he took over all mortgage etc food and would transfer me money if I needed it.
Now the kids are a bit older I’m Working more hours (not quite full-time yet) better pay in a different job and we now split food 50/50, he still pays most of bills for mortgage etc but I pay kids football, academy’s and anything that’s needed for them so probably pay an equal percentage.

MrsOsM · 07/05/2018 19:03

We work it that on pay day all money goes into one "pot" and is split evenly between bills, food, savings etc. Then what is left over is split evenly between both of us so we have the same amount to do what we like with each month. I earn slightly more than dh so I contribute slightly more to the bills etc but this way works for us.

MrsDilber · 07/05/2018 19:10

I've been with DH 33 years and a sahm for 23 of them. I don't earn. DH and I have our own bank accounts and 2 joint accounts. All his money goes into a joint account for bills, a portion goes into another account for saving and we both get equal spending money in our own accounts every week.

We have always done it this way and rarely argue over money. When I was earning, it went into the same joint account as his wages did.

He's not my father, I don't expect to go to him cap in hand and I've never had to, never would.

I really miss my career, but circumstances have turned out that I have to be at home, I hate it. Believe me when I say, if I were the higher earner, it would be him at home.

HildaZelda · 07/05/2018 19:12

I work PT, DH works FT. We have separate accounts and a joint account which we both put a percentage of our wages into and bills etc come out of that. As he earns more, he puts a higher percentage in.