should I shave?

[TotHappy]

This has been niggling at me for a while.

I'm 31. Been with dh nearly 14 years. My shaving routine used to be:
Underarms - most days, might get a bit stubbly if I left it for a few. Probably take care to shave them before baring them to swim/sunbathe.
Legs - only really bothered for a night out, so maybe shaved once a month. More in summer, but def not every day - maybe for an 'event' or a beach day. An event might include a sexy night in, but they certainly weren't smooth at all times and I didn't care.
Vag - never. Or maybe once or twice as an experiment, never liked it, hate the feeling, find it uncomfortable plus too much faff.

Then when I got pregnant (daughter is nearly 2 now), stopped shaving pretty much everything. Initially, morning sickness and generally not leaving house, later size of bump. Sexy times were non existent anyway as dh stopped sexual activity once I was pregnant - which I was very upset about.
Shaving has never resumed post partum - I will still occasionally do it for a night out/special event but not always, and of course nights out are a lot rarer now with DD. My solitary baths when I could quickly do my underarms are long gone, DD baths with me so no razors in the bath, and when I do get the odd solitary bath I cba with how long it would take as underarms now a good inch long.
I just don't care any more, even as much as I used to, about what people think. If I go swimming or to the beach, I dont feel the need to de-hair first. I think this is a lot to do with giving birth in front of five strangers - personal things somehow seem a lot less personal!

My issue is dh has brought up me not shaving a few times and I feel very uncomfortable about him doing that. After an argument once he said, as part of a rang about how I dont care, 'you dont even shave your legs anymore', quickly followed up by 'not that that's important, but it just shows that you dont care', to which I was as I was never in the permanently-hairless-legs crew, ever, and in any case the reason I had reduced the number of leg shaves was because I had reduced the numbers of nights out, end of!

The other day, he was giving me a foot massage and commented 'whoa, how hairy are your legs?!' I think I responded with a and a 'quite hairy', and he followed up with 'what about your armpits? Have you shaved those lately?' Or similar.

He has also said several times in the past that he prefers a shaven vag. I've said I dont like the feel of it so dont plan to dp that regularly, but have on the very odd occasion got a bikini wax/Californian wax. Last time he didn't even notice as he wasn't up for sex for the whole 6 weeks it was evident, so that was a waste!

I feel really quite miffed that he thinks I should shave because he prefers it. I suppose I have two questions:
A) AIBU to manage my body hair in any way I want without reference to him and
B) what do most people here do? I know most of my friends do shave with some regularity. I know my mum never did. So possibly a generational thing, but as I grew up with my mum as a role model, I feel totally comfortable either way. I feel very uncomfortable with the comments I've sometimes seen on social media about not shaving being 'dirty' or 'unhygienic'.

Thoughts??

In the 70s there was an ultimately successful campaign to end the automatic shaving of wonen’s pubic hair on admission to labour wards.

Now there are posts on here from women feeling distressed at the prospect of a midwife seeing them unshaven. How depressing is that?

I do my pits, mainly because I am convinced they smell sweaty even with washing and deodorant if I don’t.

My legs I do in the summer, not in winter because I need the extra hair to keep me warm.

My pubes, no way, too itchy when they grow back. Will take off any rogue hairs on my thighs though if going swimming.

Oh dear pandoraphile, it is just you. Are you sure you have time to post on women's forums? Don't you need to go and make yourself attractive and feminine? Pah!

Is it just me who thinks that inch long underarm hair on a woman is gross??

IMO women should depilate their hair in some form. Its part of being feminine and attractive

Tbh I think it's just lazy to not shave. It literally takes seconds and doesn't look scruffy. I'm with your husband.

@Pandoraphile I'm with you! Just gross.

I do wish there was a headtilt emoticon.

How have I managed in life not worrying whether my armpits were scruffy?

Phil

I imagine people have been quietly judging your scruffy underarms all this time. Probably thinking you’re some sort of slattern who also doesn’t iron her knickers.

The shame.

God the comments on this post. Women don’t even need men to oppress them. They do an amazing job of it themselves.

OP you are very sensible. Only do as much to make yourself attractive to him as he does for you.

I don’t shave anything but never had any complaints from my extremely hairy DP. Because that would be really hypocritical.

How people can’t see the double standard here is beyond me. Men taking care of themselves = brush teeth and shower daily. Women taking care of themselves = hours a day and thousands of pounds annually spent on removing all hair below the neck, putting on a full face of makeup, skincare routine, hair styling, outfit selection. What a waste of what must add up to years of our lives.

And, might I add, all for men who in many cases can’t even be bothered to wash their own clothes.

I find it incredibly sad thatwomen need to shave off perfectly normal, natural hair in order to be seen as "attractive".

Also I don't give a flying fuck if no bloke finds me attractive, ever again tbh.

Obviously any choice is yours but I made my thoughts on beards very clear and DH stayed clean shaven during that fad.

Of course it's his business how you look (and vice versa) but you have the final say.

IMO women should depilate their hair in some form. Its part of being feminine and attractive, especially if a DP has said that he likes it.

Yah, no, you can opine all you like, adult human females have greater or lesser amounts of hair and it entirely up to them if they do or do not remove or groom it in any way. There is no "should".

And if the DP isn't happy to be there if there's hair on it, then he doesn't get to go there.

Its your body, and its your choice. Doesnt mean your oh has to like it or find it attractive though.

I shave my pits every other day, legs once a week ish (in the summer, in the winter its much less frequent) and pubic area gets trimmed with a shaver. I'd leave the pubic area alone but its not hygienic imo, especially in summer.

There's another thread ATM where a woman is complaining that her husband has become fat and stopped showering, everyone on there is saying she deserves better and to LTB. Yes it's up to you whether you shave, but I can completely understand your DH associating this newfound laziness in your appearance with a lack of care for him. It's not like he's being a dick and trying to control you, he probably just wants to know that you still love him and want to be attractive for him.

I don't have a choice - can't remove hair completely under my left arm as I had plastic surgery in my armpit! It does make me self conscious when I've heard comments about hair being disgusting and smelly and armpit hair being ugly and why don't people just shave. I wish I could
TBH i would just like two smooth armpits, shaved or not rather than scarring

eggcellent showering and tooth cleaning is basic hygiene, shaving isn't. If pubic/underarm hair is unhygenic then men should remove it as well.

@eggcellent do you not see the different standards here though. Trying to stay a healthy weight and showering daily are absolutely basic levels of self care. The OP does these things, we assume. She’s being asked to do something pretty time consuming and inconvenient on top of that that only applies to women.

Of course it's up to you. However, you know that your DH doesn't find body hair attractive, so I'm a bit perplexed as to why you can't take 5 minutes to keep yourself tidy.

You seem to have reached the stage, where neither of you cares whether the other finds them attractive. This is very dangerous territory, imo. You've stopped making any effort to attract him.

I can't really understand the mentality. I want my DH to find me attractive, I want him to fancy me and have sex with me. I know if I was as hairy as Chewbacca that he would be put off.

I also think you're in dangerous territory, in so much as he's been with you since he was in his teens, and you may be the only woman he's ever been with. I would not be surprised if is eye is wandering. Of all of the men I've known who married their 1st girlfriends, not one has stayed faithful : they all seemed to have a mid life crisis and wonder what they were missing. Might sound silly, but I'd really start to make an effort.

Also I don't give a flying fuck if no bloke finds me attractive, ever again tbh

Hmm, you sound weirdly angry though,,,which would indicate you really do give a flying fuck.

Anyways, the good news is plenty of men find hirsute women attractive. So you'll be fine.

I’ve not read all the posts.
OP actually sounds depressed and angry to me. The comment about no anti natal sex has me wondering if this is some sort of payback?
Personally I shave legs and pits once a week whether needed or not (admitingly slow hair growth) several years ago I had electrolysis to contain my pubic hair within my undies/bathing suit.
I’m comfortable with my simple routine.

@aimingfor9stone I feel really sorry for you.

It might be natural and normal but that doesn't mean it's appealing.

And yes, I do think women should strive to sexually please their partners. If this involves the removal of some body hair, so be it.

If he doesn't like it, he doesn't get to go there.

So first of all you reject his wishes and then you reject him? That, right there, is a relationship in trouble.

But doesn't anyone see, when the OP met DH she would have a lot of the time have been shaved and made an effort for him when they were going on dates.

He must surely feel your attractiveness to him is disappearing if you can't spend five minutes shaving, you've changed into something different to what he had and unfortunately he doesn't find that attractive. You of course have every right not to shave but he has every right not to fancy you when you are unshaven.

But I'm with the other PP's who feel this post is running a lot deeper than body hair.

I am a rare shaver. It can be weeks between razor episodes. My hubby would be in trouble if he moaned at me (even though I do know he prefers hairless - it is my hair!)