should I shave?

[TotHappy]

This has been niggling at me for a while.

I'm 31. Been with dh nearly 14 years. My shaving routine used to be:
Underarms - most days, might get a bit stubbly if I left it for a few. Probably take care to shave them before baring them to swim/sunbathe.
Legs - only really bothered for a night out, so maybe shaved once a month. More in summer, but def not every day - maybe for an 'event' or a beach day. An event might include a sexy night in, but they certainly weren't smooth at all times and I didn't care.
Vag - never. Or maybe once or twice as an experiment, never liked it, hate the feeling, find it uncomfortable plus too much faff.

Then when I got pregnant (daughter is nearly 2 now), stopped shaving pretty much everything. Initially, morning sickness and generally not leaving house, later size of bump. Sexy times were non existent anyway as dh stopped sexual activity once I was pregnant - which I was very upset about.
Shaving has never resumed post partum - I will still occasionally do it for a night out/special event but not always, and of course nights out are a lot rarer now with DD. My solitary baths when I could quickly do my underarms are long gone, DD baths with me so no razors in the bath, and when I do get the odd solitary bath I cba with how long it would take as underarms now a good inch long.
I just don't care any more, even as much as I used to, about what people think. If I go swimming or to the beach, I dont feel the need to de-hair first. I think this is a lot to do with giving birth in front of five strangers - personal things somehow seem a lot less personal!

My issue is dh has brought up me not shaving a few times and I feel very uncomfortable about him doing that. After an argument once he said, as part of a rang about how I dont care, 'you dont even shave your legs anymore', quickly followed up by 'not that that's important, but it just shows that you dont care', to which I was as I was never in the permanently-hairless-legs crew, ever, and in any case the reason I had reduced the number of leg shaves was because I had reduced the numbers of nights out, end of!

The other day, he was giving me a foot massage and commented 'whoa, how hairy are your legs?!' I think I responded with a and a 'quite hairy', and he followed up with 'what about your armpits? Have you shaved those lately?' Or similar.

He has also said several times in the past that he prefers a shaven vag. I've said I dont like the feel of it so dont plan to dp that regularly, but have on the very odd occasion got a bikini wax/Californian wax. Last time he didn't even notice as he wasn't up for sex for the whole 6 weeks it was evident, so that was a waste!

I feel really quite miffed that he thinks I should shave because he prefers it. I suppose I have two questions:
A) AIBU to manage my body hair in any way I want without reference to him and
B) what do most people here do? I know most of my friends do shave with some regularity. I know my mum never did. So possibly a generational thing, but as I grew up with my mum as a role model, I feel totally comfortable either way. I feel very uncomfortable with the comments I've sometimes seen on social media about not shaving being 'dirty' or 'unhygienic'.

Thoughts??

Yet again not wanting to remove hair = ‘not caring’. The OP has clearly stated what she does and doesn’t want to do. The ‘not caring’ is about what strangers think. Which should greatly please some posters here.

I remove all hair from the neck down. I honestly like the feeling, the sensitivity, the exposure. My husband prefers it too, although he understands it's ultimately my choice.

BUT I realise this preference hasn't evolved in a vacuum. All the posters who make points about societal hypocrisy and disgust regarding female body hair are absolutely right. Of course there's nothing unhygienic about body hair - I'm pretty sure that hygiene, wicking sweat away from the body, is the reason we still have it. How can anyone think that a hairy female underarm is unhygienic but a male one is absolutely fine?

I genuinely love the feeling of being hairless. But the real test would be whether I would keep doing this if society changed overnight, and hairless women were regarded the same way as hirsute ones are now.

I like to think I'd still do it, to please myself, but I can't be sure.

As for some posters being accused of being 'angry', we should indeed be angry at the idea that a natural female body is somehow disgusting.

The pressure to be hairless is on men too - even boxers are waxed, as are male swimmers and most sportspeople. I suppose they think smooth skin reveals their physique more. My DH is part Middle Eastern and I'm attracted to dark body hair on men. He did once think about "doing something" about his back, but once you start with something like that, you would never stop. He has to shave his face every day, as do most men, so it's not only women who are tied to the razor!

Thankyou PoorYorick for that incredibly sensible post.

Great post Yorick

Although you can’t imagine how much I hope you have a massive handlebar moustache 😂

Vashna a man would not get stared at or harassed in the street for having hairy legs.

Well, .... as a GP I see far more nether regions of both sexes than would generally seem socially acceptable and there is a clear age/generation divide between 'totally hairless' and 'natural pubic hair', men and women.

Now, who wants to be the first to tell me that people over 40 no longer have sex because they are just too disgusting, what with all that body hair and stuff??

And yes, it is affecting young men too, the pressure for 'body beautiful' is increasingly dreadful on them also. Now, body hair, like I said upthread I don't really care what anybody does with, but the increase in male eating disorders is also along the spectrum of all this faintly ridiculous plucking and over-grooming IMO

Vashna I feel the difference is that it wouldn’t be noted by anyone if a man chose not to remove any hair.

No a man would not get harassed in the street for hairy legs, you're right. I'm just saying, that these days, there is increasing pressure for men too, particularly for gym-going type men, because hairless is the gym is standard now, it seems. Plus male hair removal is a mammoth task because you would have to get someone to wax your whole back, all down your stomach etc and where do you stop with that? Hairy men can feel like something out if the 70s if they don't cover up.

I'm glad you've managed to talk to your husband OP. For all the education and wisdom in threads, and debates, like this one; there's a real marriage in this one. Compromising is very likely to be the best way forward.

Vashna, male waxing is popular in lots of sports because it makes the person more aero/aquadynamic (swimming, cycling), rather than for cosmetic reasons.

Although you can’t imagine how much I hope you have a massive handlebar moustache 😂

Are you trying to out me???

I'm told the reason male cyclists may shave their legs is not so much for aerodynamics, but more that if they fall off, the hair doesn't get stick in the grazing with any grit from the road.

Apart from that, male gym-bods and boxers wax for the aesthetics - because a waxed torso is more reflective and shows off the muscles. They can oil themselves up and go for it. No aerodynamics required in the gym or in the beach .

Oh I see, I thought you meant professional sportsmen.

Are you trying to out me???

No 😇

PoorYorick pubic hair (including armpit) is there to trap scent & be sexy - natural body smells are a turn-on - pheromones increase sexual desire, even if you are unaware you can actually detect them.

That will gross out a few people

Fresh sweat doesn't smell unpleasant. It is possible to smell "too clean" - my boyfriend prefers me not to shower immediately before bed but a few hours before, which is fine IMO.

Shower and shave when you want ladies! ignore other people's 'preferences'.

Absolutely! What a sensible comment

Gents though - don't shave your pubes - it always looks ridiculous like something on a fishmonger's slab

Back on this thread.

Was in the hotel swimming pool last night.....full hairy pits and legs.....the amount of staring was immense!

And here is a pic, for whoever posted upthread.....dare anyone to critique it....

Whoops....pic helps!

When I first stopped shaving....it qas really hard.
People do stare.
They do make pointed comments.
It's one of the hardest things I've ever done.....but I pushed through it and don't give a flying fuck.

But even for a lifelong non conformist....it was really fucking difficult to buck the trend.

None of us are immune from pressure.

For those women on here who know they shave cos of pressure and wish they could stop......it was easier deciding to shave 75% of my head to the skin....than it was ro stop shaving body hair.

No idea why except deeply engrained attitudes.

There's no shame in struggling with this.......

Of coarse you should shave, it’s a womans duty to look presentable at all times.

Holy fuck just take a look at some of the comments on the shit rags ‘news’ story. If I didn’t think there was pressure for women to be hair free before I sure do now.

They’ve just screen shotted, not even lifted quotes!

Basically women, you need to shave to always be “clean and fresh”. I wonder if that is instead of showering?

If you don’t shave you clearly have no self respect and are probably too depressed for basic self care. Or live in stuttgart.

Bloody hell.