Only 1 not invited to wedding

[happylion]

So it's a small team, only 5 of us, one of the girls got married this weekend, we're told it was only family only no problems I understand weddings and budget etc, however tonight I've found okout that I was the only one not to have been invited, I feel such a dick, I even organised a card and brought a gift, we went for drinks the other day and toasted her up coming wedding, but they all knew I wasn't invited and they were!
Bride is now away for a few weeks on honeymoon, and I'll be seeing the other girls in the office on Tuesday, I found out as I saw a picture of them all on Instagram and I liked it, so they will know I've seen it, I'm hurt, embarrassed and actually annoyed, i thought we were all friends, it's the lies ! Why lie? 😔 wwyd?

Well done Op.

Well done op . You can hold your head high

I love your attitude, OP. Well done you.

I wonder if you’ll ever find out why they excluded you and lied. And how the hell they thought you’d feel when you found out!

Well done for how you dealt with it.

Well done OP. How did the rest of the day go? Has there been any wedding talk?

I had something not dissimilar years ago.

I managed to get a job that I wasn't 'supposed' to get, as the team wanted one of their own to be given a promotion, rather than a complete outsider coming in.

I was sent to Coventry on the morning that I started and it was relentless, day in and day out, with no-one on the team speaking got me other than an icy 'good morning' or 'good night'.

When the King Bee got married, he placed the large white invitations on everyone's screens (at least 20 people), so that they were as obvious as possible. Only one screen remained black ..... which chilled my blood to ice when I walked in and saw it all, as I was usually the first one to arrive in the morning.

I would like to say that I was able to rise above it all and not let it get to me, but I can't say so and in that respect, they definitely won. Absolute bastards and I still despise them to hell and back.

People who do things like this are horrible and there is no excuse.

Yes, we all know that there is no rule that means that anyone should expect an invite and yes, we all know that it is the bride / groom's prerogative to decide who they would like to share their celebrations.
However, sometimes there are unwritten rules about how to do things with common decency and not being sly, underhand and nasty. It would have taken very little on the bride's behalf to include you. In reality, many weddings include some relatives who wouldn't normally be the first choice of the Happy Couple, but they are invited as part of the deal. She (and the rest of the team) obviously knew exactly what they have done, how hurtful it would have been for you and just how you would feel when you found out.

They must also be as thick as pigshit if they believed that you would remain in blissful ignorance.

Thanks for your update OP, you are my hero of the day!

Helpthetigers I hope you have a different job now.

I wouldn't take not being invited personally, there could be all sorts of reasons: squeezed for numbers or budget, fairness across both partners' lists, who comes with a +1/kids and who doesn't. I'm planning a wedding atm and this sort of thing causes a huge amount of worry.

Your "friends" at work ABU though, it's a very immature way of handling it. I think the bride should have maybe had a polite conversation with you about it beforehand. It was always going to come out that they were invited and you weren't. If it was me, I would say something to them.

Really really well done OP. Nicely handled at work. Keep it up. Show that you know what they think of you and rise above it.
I understand how you feel. Not getting an invite? No problem, bride's prerogative.
The friends lying, (and not even just by omission but outright lies) is the part that stings.
At least you will find it easy to distance yourself. How would you ever know that a lunch invite is genuine and not just an obligatory invite just because they can't invite everyone else but not you.
Be busy from now on. They're colleagues, not friends. On the plus side, you can steam through your work now with no distractions.

Whilst I did initially think the comments for you leaving and finding a new job might have been a bit much, it's not completely outrageous now that I think about it. You never know, if something happens to catch your eye... on the job search pages...
I don't know how you feel but if this incident has irreparably soured your feelings towards your workmates and workplace, it could be the push you need for moving on to bigger and better things.

Good luck @CuriousMama

Oops, accidentally clicked wrong name when tagging.

Sorry @CuriousMama
That should have been @happylion

I had the same OP, everyone keeping quiet that they were going and I found out from Facebook.

The bride apologised to me after which went some way to make up for it but it was the effort of my entire team to not tell me that hurt the most.

Yes thank CuriousMama, I do. It ended when there was a major company restructure and the old teams were split up. Thankfully, I was placed in a great team, all of whom were lovely. 20-odd years later, three of them are still some of my best friends and I love them totally. They stood up to the bastards by refusing to join in with the victimisation and helped me when I cried buckets about what had happened. Nearly two years of not a single word being spoken every day, definitely took its toll though. I was so crushed by them, I didn't even have the confidence to apply for a new job. When I look back, I must have been a pathetic wimp! (and probably still am!)

As calmly and as dismissively as possible, just 'casually' remark to your assembled colleagues (and when they least expect it) "It seems everyone was invited except me........well, that's one way to learn about life......!"

And then leave it at that whilst discreetly observing how THEY handle the inevitable awkwardness and embarrassment.

I hope you will secretly enjoy making them squirm!

HelpTheTigers glad to hear that.

meant HelpTheTigers

Didn't mean that either . Can't remember how to do bold?

Loving how did dignified you are op.

Something similar happened to me millennium year (shows how these things rankle!).
I was part of an NCT toddler group (about 6 of us) & the queen bee of the group (well she had the nicest house) decided to hold a millennium fancy dress party. All the group were invited except me & it was the sole topic of conversation for about a month
Looking back I don't know why I carried on going but I was relatively new to the area (rural area lots of family connections etc) & didn't know many people.
For those saying people can invite who they want, of course they can, but that doesn't excuse the hurt & rudeness of deliberately excluding someone & letting them know it.
Fast forward a few years our daughters became good friends & I went back to work in a highly respected profession (not that it should matter). I suddenly became the person invited to everything! Not a chance I know who my real friends are.
Well done OP it is horrible.

Apt name lady! Goid for you.

Bold

Good for you.

This happened to me once. The only woman not invited to the whole wedding from a very small office so it was really obvious. I was invited to the evening only. I was pretty hurt as I thought we all got on equally and we used to go out together as a group. Nearer the day she had had a cancellation for the day and asked if I wanted to go but I was so pissed off I told her I had made other plans for the day and couldn't go. Our friendship definitely wasn't the same afterwards.

Listen, it is shitty, but stop labelling the bride and co-workers as venemous. We only know one side of the story. Put it this way I was in a three way friendship for all school etc. One got married, the other did too. Friend number one separated from husband and is now with a woman. As I am gay the new partner was insecure and engineered it so me and my friend have no friendship. Other friend married to female and they still talk because she's taen. Point being if I were to get married if invite former friends family and other friend etc, but no way will she be invited. Long winded way of saying two sides to every story

@margesimpson40 it's not the lack of invite that's the problem, it's the blatant lying that is venomous. They told her to her face that no one else was invited and clearly in their situation, she was always going to find out the truth. She was deliberately lied to and made to feel like an idiot for being the only one not to know.

Tbh it's not blatant lying, it's dishonest because they said nothing, but again don't know the full stories and there's three sides OPs side work mates side and the truth, if any of them on mumsnet and see this it could lead to difficulties, there's a reason she's not been invited, this isn't the brides fault, this is why weddings are stressful. Workmates are only guilty of cowardice.