Only 1 not invited to wedding

[happylion]

So it's a small team, only 5 of us, one of the girls got married this weekend, we're told it was only family only no problems I understand weddings and budget etc, however tonight I've found okout that I was the only one not to have been invited, I feel such a dick, I even organised a card and brought a gift, we went for drinks the other day and toasted her up coming wedding, but they all knew I wasn't invited and they were!
Bride is now away for a few weeks on honeymoon, and I'll be seeing the other girls in the office on Tuesday, I found out as I saw a picture of them all on Instagram and I liked it, so they will know I've seen it, I'm hurt, embarrassed and actually annoyed, i thought we were all friends, it's the lies ! Why lie? 😔 wwyd?

Very deft, HappyLion, extremely well done.

Bloody well done you! Been following the thread and I really felt for you as that's a rotten way for them to have behaved. Yes, brides can invite who they like but the lying and covering up sucks royally, as did allowing you to arrange the card etc.

Finding out people aren't who you thought they were is always hurtful and/or disappointing but it's better to see people's true colours sooner rather than later.

You're handing it really well. I think it might be the case that you are less good friends with these people than you thought and that's why you weren't invited. And the other team members probably didn't quite know how to say anything without it being awkward.

It can be a problem with small teams, when some of the team members are close outside work but one or two of the others are less close - perhaps because they are much younger/much older/the only single one/the only one who doesn't drink or there is some other difference.

One other possibility occurred to me, though your last post comes across as too sensible for you to have done this - sometimes people get a bit put off if a person appears too eager to be friends and is always doing unasked for favours and giving fits.

Well done op, way to go!!

Dignity and decorum all the way. I bet they are squirming.

Remember this is all about their characters not yours, yours is as lovely as always. Enjoy your lunch in the sun, and hope you are planning a fun weekend with people that value you. Good on you.

Perfect handling, well done, sounds like you have plenty going on and your great attitude towards this and not making it into a huge drama are so much better than letting it upset you. These things show us people in a different light sometimes but it's good to move on with better things, well done

Well played OP 👏👏👏

Great update OP!

You have showed them all up with your dignity and the way you handled the situation, when bride comes back, she will look like a big fool. How will you deal with bride when she comes back. You are better than them, and on a different level, leave them to their babyish ways.

You did the right thing to withdraw from them. They have shown they are not your friends. Keep it all work related and no socialising.

Oh good for you OP.

I expect they will now start to feel resentful towards the bride for showing them up, even though they all went along with it at the time.

Meanwhile you are planning lots of nice things to do and distancing yourself from these silly people.

I had this happen. I was the only one not invited from pretty much everyone at work. I was so fed up when I saw the photos. Especially since the bride and groom had asked me if they could borrow a significant item of decoration from me, which I agreed to. At this point I thought they would invite me. It only became apparent in the following weeks that I hadn't been invited, and then only when I saw their photos all over instagram (with my item centre stage in all of them) I realised that everyone else was there but not me. I still have no idea why they snubbed me like that. None of my work colleagues spoke to me about it either. It was extremely awkward. Especially since my item was so much the focal point of the photos ( i.e. scores of comments " oh I love the item, that's amazing" etc ..... I had to just ignore it. bastards.

Sorry about this OP. When I got married donkeys years ago I worked in a large office containing several teams on our floor. Their were 4 of us on our large group of desks and two supervisors and a manager in the middle and two further groups of 4 in our team. One member on our table of 4, was a spinster, was about 30 years older than the rest of us, was very outspoken and always moaned about going to any work social events and some of her own family events. Are you a similar age to your colleagues OP? She was also very friendly with one of the supervisors who had a drink problem, was very outspoken and sweary on a night out and I didn’t want to be embarrassed by having her at my wedding.
I decided to invite two members out of 4 on my group of desks ( one girl was going to the wedding during the day as I had been friendly with her for years) as well as four other people from other teams that I was friends with out of work.
As I invited about 6 people and didn’t invite about another 12 people due to numbers I thought this would be ok. It clearly wasn’t ok because the superviser and the older lady bitched about me constantly from the minute they knew about the invitations. It was an awful atmosphere at work I wanted to cry the last day I was in work before my weddding. With hindsight I probably should have invited the older lady (as I doubt she would have gone but it would have been nice to be invited). But by the time I realised how bad things were the atmosphere was so awful I couldn’t go back on my word. I did say I wasn’t inviting everyone from work just the people I socialised with outside of work but nothing made any difference. I can still remember the hurt I caused but at least I was upfront about it. Take care OP.

How shitty hoochy, just says more about the bride than you, does not make her look good at all. So your ok to be used, but not to be asked to the wedding. How are things like with the bride now, op.

Aeroflot the OP posted earlier that the bride is on honeymoon for two weeks so not at work.

yep that's exactly how it felt, aeroflot. Although I did have a few friends comment " Atleast your item got an invite" :-D It's irrevocably changed the dynamic at work now too, because I now know that they don't see me as a friend.

Dande for hoocy, not op, sorry for the confusion.

Well OP! For what is worth I think you sound lovely!

Well done OP!

I had this happen to me many years ago. I had known the colleague longer than anyone else in the team and had thought we got on well. My memory is long.

When the bride left to have a baby I did not contribute to the collection or sign the card. That card and collection was returned to me three times despite me crossing through my name and passing it on. I had nothing I wished to put on a card to her.

Mean girls the lot of them, sadly all too familiar though. You did the right thing, there isn't anything they could possibly say that would justify what they did.

Could it have been a numbers thing. A set meal for say 20.. with enough seats but one short ..and someone had to be excluded? Very hurtful though.

Jayfee, yes, it could, but would that necessitate the others bare-facedly lying to the OP: even when I asked the girls if they were going they said no.

Let us know how the rest of your week goes. Keep them squirming!

Nothing . What can you do?! It’s horrible and you’re entitled to feel hurt, but there’s nothing you can do apart from protecting yourself from this nonsense in future