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Original poster

Only 1 not invited to wedding

383 replies

happylion · 07/05/2018 00:43

So it's a small team, only 5 of us, one of the girls got married this weekend, we're told it was only family only no problems I understand weddings and budget etc, however tonight I've found okout that I was the only one not to have been invited, I feel such a dick, I even organised a card and brought a gift, we went for drinks the other day and toasted her up coming wedding, but they all knew I wasn't invited and they were!
Bride is now away for a few weeks on honeymoon, and I'll be seeing the other girls in the office on Tuesday, I found out as I saw a picture of them all on Instagram and I liked it, so they will know I've seen it, I'm hurt, embarrassed and actually annoyed, i thought we were all friends, it's the lies ! Why lie? 😔 wwyd?

OP posts:
Singadream · 08/05/2018 18:09

I would also be upset.

But a teeny story for you. When I got married we had a small wedding ceremony and tea party - 30 people - then a big party that evening with music and speeches and buffet - 130 people, no real limit on numbers. Anyway we had lots of mutual friends having met through a hobby and invited everyone we knew through that except we forgot someone in the wider circle. She totally would have been invited but in making the list of so many people from our wider circle we just forgot her. Some months later at a party she said something really sweetly like I totally understand you can’t invite everyone because the cost etc and it was easier to agree than let her be the kind of person who is forgettable.
She didn’t invite us to her wedding! (But we did go to her son’s christening and house parties since)

Thebluedog · 08/05/2018 18:15

Great attitude OP, glad it’s empowerd you.

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/05/2018 18:32

Singadream that is easily done with a big amorphous group you see don't always see altogether. But in the OP's situation, the others must have been told OP wasn't invited or they wouldn't all have known to lie to her about it. And I can't see how they would all know she wasn't invited without asking unless the bride told at least one of them.

Nanny0gg · 08/05/2018 18:42

OP, How are your colleagues reacting to your not joining them for lunch and keeping your head down at your desk?

LittlePaintBox · 08/05/2018 18:48

Well done, OP, so glad you handled the situation so well. I still can't understand the lying and ganging up on you, it seems very juvenile to me. They deserve each other.

Ferret27 · 08/05/2018 19:03

I’ve only got to page 5 of this thread and to be honest it has made me feel pretty sad.
There are too many people doing uncaring things in this world and the op in my opinion deserved better. Anyone on here who can’t see that it was unnecessarily cruel to lie and exclude another person deserves some Karma... the sad thing is nasty thoughtless people have kids and the planet is filling up with the self centred...
I’d rather have the OP in my life than any of these so called friends... they probably can’t trust each other because liars can’t be sure of anyone ... can they?

StrugglingMumma · 08/05/2018 19:12

Good for you OP!

olbndansmummy · 08/05/2018 19:24

Horrid situation and hats off to op for her impeccable behaviour! Not sure my runaway gob would have let me be so gracious!

Enthymeme · 08/05/2018 19:33

I’m with all those who despise weddings however, my relief at escaping would not inhibit me from confronting fellow workers and the bride. I would just ask each one “why did you lie?”

Cornishclio · 08/05/2018 19:43

Yes the bride was mean to exclude just one member of a small work team but it is her wedding so her call. The others who lied about not being invited are cowards so best you know where you stand OP. You handled the phone call from colleague brilliantly and your handling of the situation today when you went in was great. Remember in the future these people are not your friends and don't bother about going out of your way for them. Are you the same grade as them?

Clarabell100 · 08/05/2018 19:47

I think you’ve handled it well OP. What a mean thing to do and I wonder how she’ll behave when she’s back and the others tell her you know.

When we got married I actually invited people from my team at work I wasn’t really that close to (to the evening reception so no limit) just to avoid this situation. I’d have hated anyone to feel like the odd one out.

Taking a step back from the friendships seems like a good idea.

Katyb121 · 08/05/2018 19:54

So sad, I get that people can invite whomever they choose to their wedding but to miss 1 person out from a group of 5 that work together is just mean & as for the others that lied about being invited- clearly not friends.
💐for you OP

Ticketsfrom · 08/05/2018 20:10

It’s hurtful but you need to move on and not let it become a drama. She just doesn’t like you maybe, that’s fine, it’s work you don’t have to like everyone. As for the others, the bride put them in a really difficult position so i’d Say the blames on her really. Forget it, it’s done and there’s nothing to be gained unless you for some reason need her to say to your face that she doesn’t like you enough to invite you, or numbers were tight.

Slanetylor · 08/05/2018 20:14

I do think the bride is to blame. It was probably my the bride who asked them/ coerced then into lying etc.
they have not covered themselves in glory but it doesn’t mean they don’t like you. I’m sure they feel bad and awkward, the phonecall showed this. Protect yourself but don’t feel that they don’t like you. And you will have to work with them. You’ll miss lunch times with them too. I love your attitude today, but I’d probably try to get back on good terms before the return of the bride/ bit@h.

CharltonLido73 · 08/05/2018 20:17

It'll be interesting to hear what the bride has to say about the matter once she gets back from her honeymoon.

I hope the OP will be kind enough to fill us in at that point.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 08/05/2018 20:18

Do not mention anything to anyone. They will talk, as they have previously.

Weddings are expensive, and you don't know the full story. i am sorry for your hurt.

Maybe get a new job. Keep your plans to yourself.

DevilsDoorbell · 08/05/2018 20:21

Why are some people so nasty? I get you can invite who you want to but all the ridiculous (and not very good) covering up and lying. Some people never leave the playground

Jaxinthebox · 08/05/2018 20:32

I think you have handled this really well OP. Good on you.

EggysMom · 08/05/2018 20:40

You're not alone, OP. I've been left out of one hen party and two baby showers in recent years. Like you I wasn't upset with the host for choosing not to invite me, that's their choice. I was more upset with my colleagues for trying to hide the plans and their attendance from me - which never works when others then tag them into FB photos Grin

SweetCheeks1980 · 08/05/2018 20:40

Are you the only one with children? Maybe the bride thought if they invited you you'd have to bring a partner and/or children.

Museumland · 08/05/2018 20:52

I completely understand why you feel hurt but I wouldn't be. For whatever reason the bride wants or feels closer to the others and that's fine it's her wedding. Some people invite only their closest friends while others see it as a net working opportunity or a bit of both. I think fibbing and saying it is family only was stupid of her it was bound to come out in the end. I would chalk up to experience and I expect you might want to be less generous with her in future but please don't feel foolish and certainly don't change jobs!

boywiththebrokensmile2 · 08/05/2018 21:02

''Forget it, it’s done and there’s nothing to be gained unless you for some reason need her to say to your face that she doesn’t like you enough to invite you, or numbers were tight.''

i don't get why ppl keep bringing up cost and numbers as an excuse, no if it was this reason then you would not invite any of the 4 and take other ppl. Think of it this way-if you were low in food and money and your ds or dd had four friends playing in your garden. You only have enough snacks for 3 of the friends-not 4. Would you go out and leave somebody out?? Hell no, you just give nothing.

This had nothing to do with cost or numbers....this was very seemingly deliberate imho. People are strange, your best friend one day and walking away the next. None of us here are saints ourselves, we have all shunned/fucked over mates at some stage in the past. It's not nice but as people it's what we do sadly.

coulditbeforever · 08/05/2018 21:25

Oh OP, I’m so sorry for you, I can never understand why ppl do this. I have been in your shoes and believe me the hurt does get better with time. Don’t react to it, I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction. They should and probably will feel ashamed of themselves. Rise above it and stay humble. 💐

Lizzie48 · 08/05/2018 21:49

This is why I only invited my then work colleagues to the evening do. We got on well but they weren't close friends, although I had loved working there and was sad to be moving away. I didn't have to worry about including them in the numbers for the main reception.

Just leaving one member of a small team out, and lying about it, is pretty shitty IMO.

Lizzie48 · 08/05/2018 21:55

FWIW, you've handled it really well, not getting upset but distancing yourself. You have a lovely home life, hold on to that. Thanks

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