did your parents smack you? Do you smack your child?

[diamond702]

My dad used to smack me as a child, on the hand or bottom. I remember feeling scared and anxious about it, and I don't think it taught me right from wrong. I would usually get smacked for being annoying or loud rather than naughty things. He would do it to make me be quiet.

I think times have changed now (this was in the 90s) and maybe it's not as acceptable to smack children anymore. I don't believe it works. I can understand perhaps smacking a child's hand to stop them touching a hot oven or something, but otherwise, does it really make them grow up to be well behaved citizens?

I can't imagine smacking my child. Surely there are better ways to discipline?

Ds= sister, not son by the way!

I was smacked and hit occasionally. I used to subscribe to the view that it’s harmless.

It’s only now I have two girls of my own that i have become angry and confused about some of the stuff my parents did. They loved us. How could they do those things out of anger?

I mean generally speaking we had a happy childhood but there were some things that happened that make me so angry now.

No. I couldn’t raise a hand to my girls. I’ve lost my temper plenty but it’s never even crossed my mind as an option.

The worst assault when I was 12 was with a riding whip, she hid behind the front door and attacked me. Hitting my back and legs as I tried to get away from her. My crime was wearing my new shoes to school

No I don’t slack, I think it comes down to the thought of if I were to smack an adult, that’s considered assault, but to smack my vulnerable child is (or was at the time of contemplation!) legal.
It baffled me.

I think the best thing to teach our children is that it’s certainly not ok for them to be slapped/hit or touched without their consent, and the same rule for others.

Skarossinkplunger

How do I feel, indifferent really. I never lost control, or my temper. They were warned.

I understand that it can effect some people. It didn’t effect my kids I was pretty sure it wouldn’t at the time because I knew my kids personality’s.

I was smacked with a wooden spoon by DM if I had ignored repeated warnings. DF only smacked me maybe 3 times. Tbh I was incredibly cheeky & getting a smack was the only thing to shut me up. It was normal for my parents as they were hit by both their own parents & teachers. I was never beaten though & as I got older getting grounded had a much bigger impact on my behaviour.

I have smacked DC twice, once because he ran in the road & because he kept poking a socket. I felt awful though so it’s not a punishment I like to use & it was more of a reaction.

Yes, got smacked on the behind. However, nothing excessive and you know what? I knew it was for doing something I shouldn’t be doing. Hasn’t harmed me mentally or physically.

I was never smacked. I have never smacked my children - or my dogs. I'm actually gobsmacked at the number of parents I see smacking their children and even more gobsmacked at the number of owners who smack their dogs. Neither children or dogs will learn from a smack. All it is is an adult tantrum. All a smack teaches is if you don't have control lash out! Not a great lesson....

Yes
Yes.

I used to get smacked. And I smack my two when they refuse to listen. I give them 3 chances then it's a slap on the hands.

But why? What do you think it achieves?

I was smacked with open hand or hit with the wooden spoon or dad’s belt. I remember feeling powerless but so angry and resentful at their abuse of power.

For those saying their children don’t mind, my parents still don’t know how much I hate them for it. I am NC with my father for this and other reasons but I still see DM once or twice a year. We will never be close even though that’s what she would like. I just look at her and see this angry person inside who hit and didn’t protect her own child. I remember crying and screaming and asking them please not to hit me. They did anyway.

If you hit your children they will hate you for it. The world is changing and it is illegal in many countries now. People will talk about it when they’re older and they will be reassured by their peers that it is never ok to hit a child. They will hate you for it.

My dad was very authoritarian and had a temper. We could be walloped for anything, it depended on his mood on the day. It was just as likely to be a backhander across the face as a few hard slaps on the legs or bottom and it often didn't seem to matter what the "crime" was.

I know he had it pretty rough as a child and that's the example he had but I don't understand why, given he must have remembered how it made him feel, he did it to his own dc. To me it really demonstrates a lack of self control. I don't smack my dc and nor does DH. I remember it made me feel hurt, angry and humiliated and I wouldn't do that to them.

My brother and his wife smack and I notice the dc all hit each other often. I've been quite shocked to see them lash out at each other when disagreeing over a toy or tv programme, it's very obvious that they see hitting as the way to get people to do what they want.

^ This. Nothing is more irritating than a parent who says, “I don’t know why DC is so aggressive” then they slap them for it. How incredibly stupid do you have to be?

I was smacked.

No, I've never smacked.

I know it didn't cause me any problems, it corrected my behaviour and I have a great relationship with my great parents.

And a smack which amounts to no more than reddening of the skin is not assault and nor does it break any other laws.

Interesting that this thread has been started just as Justine Roberts is quoted in an article where a study has shown a smack does no harm in a loving environment.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/10004517/Smacking-does-children-no-harm-if-they-feel-loved-study-claims.html

reset the article doesn't say smacking does no harm, it says it doesn't result in anti-social behaviour. I think many of the posts on this thread make it clear that the harm is to the person who was hit as a child.

I was born in 1961 and was never smacked, nor were my children in the eighties or my grandchildren now.

I do remember being assaulted by teachers in primary and secondary school...even whole class punishments when the culprit didn't own up. Assault by a leather strap across the hands (and often wrist) for not remembering something by rote, or being unable to complete homework. Even as a child I knew this was an abomination.

I'm so glad things have changed in today's society.

Smacking does children no harm as long as they know it is for the right reasons and feel loved, a study has found.

It says that there negative effects such as anti-social behaviour or agression are mitigated by a loving environment.

It also says that

Previous research has found children are more likely to grow into well adjusted adults if their parents are firm disciplinarians.

Traditional “authoritative” parenting, combining high expectations of behaviour with warmth and sensitivity, leads to more “competent” children, according to the 2009 study by researchers from London's Institute of Education.

" I think many of the posts on this thread make it clear that the harm is to the person who was hit as a child."

Annecdotes from a self selecting group of a specific demographic are useless. Besides which, what many describe is not 'smacking'.

Disgusted at the posters here who assault their children.

Smacking is a sign that the parent has lost control.

Or they enjoy it.

My mother used to be quite proud that the back of my legs was red when she had finished.

She held me by the arm so she could get a full swing of her other hand in.

As others have said it was inconsistent so I learned to be scared and nothing else.

Would I smack my child? Deep down, being completely honest I think I would, and that is one of many reasons I am not a parent.

Yes once or twice which I remember

And no way

I was smacked, and caned on a few occasions, and I have smacked DC (but never caned them).
I think that there's nothing wrong with smacking when it forms a small part of a much wider ranger of disciplinary measures. I'm not sure about it teaching child to be violent - I think if you just hit out because you are stressed and wound up then yes. But, for example, my parents reserved the cane for particularly bad behaviour and it was always done in cold blood - we were told we had crossed a line, we had to wait while the cane was fetched, there was usually a sorrowful audience of the rest of the family. Looking back, I remember the shame more than the physical pain, although it was the physical pain that bothered me more at the time.
I'm sure there are plenty of other methods of discipline, but I really think that making smacking a crime would be terrible - to criminalise a parent for a snack is so disproportionate - and the law as it stands is good enough ie leaving a mark/using a cane is not allowed.

WhataLovelyPear but being smacked did have an effect on you- it has made you think that it is OK to assault your children.

My father used to wallop us on our bum. If any of us did anything my mother deemed wrong, she would tell him when he got in and then watch while we all got walloped, hard. I'm nc with them.

I have never laid a finger on my dd in temper. It's indefensible to lash out at a vulnerable, small child in a fit of outrageous temper.

I was never smaked.
I have smacked once. One of my DDs had developed a habit of pushing her sister off of things to watch her fall. She thought it was funny. Once after a nasty injury I snapped and smacked her. It did change her behavior after months of me losing the will to live by saying the same thing over and over.
There have been other things that have damaged my mental health and I often think I might have avoided them by smacking but I’m sure it was a once off remedy. My dad does have some issues. explaining things calmly at her level has exactly zero effect.

*dad= dd