did your parents smack you? Do you smack your child?

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My dad used to smack me as a child, on the hand or bottom. I remember feeling scared and anxious about it, and I don't think it taught me right from wrong. I would usually get smacked for being annoying or loud rather than naughty things. He would do it to make me be quiet.

I think times have changed now (this was in the 90s) and maybe it's not as acceptable to smack children anymore. I don't believe it works. I can understand perhaps smacking a child's hand to stop them touching a hot oven or something, but otherwise, does it really make them grow up to be well behaved citizens?

I can't imagine smacking my child. Surely there are better ways to discipline?

I was smacked and I'm not aware of it doing me any harm as such (emotional abuse was another matter).

I've never, ever smacked my kids, though, and I hope I never would. One of them is stronger and faster than me now, anyway, so this probably isn't the moment to start.

Pasithea you slap other people children?!
Jesus if anyone ever slapped my child i would hurt them right back.

Smacked by parents at home. Teachers with hands /rulers / belts at primary and secondary school. 1980s.

Would never do it to mine.

I was slapped right across the face by my other. I felt totally humiliated as it was done out of pure anger for something I had been wrongly accused of. She couldn’t be bothered to listen to my side (we kids were always wrong).
Smacking is wrong imho. I have brought up a child alone for nearly 17 years and never once had to smack. If an adult came up to you and slapped you across the back of the legs, arms, face etc, would you think that was acceptable?

I was smacked, punched, kicked and it did me a lot of harm. I would never hurt my kids. It's not right, an adult laying hands on a child to hurt them. I don't want my kids to be frightened of me or dread coming home.

I was smacked, quite a lot - I remember my mum properly going for me with her long nails, and slapping me across the face.

It’s the parent losing control - I always found it contemptible. This opinion when given would get another slap - apparently I was ‘cheeky’ and ‘mouthed off’.

I’m never going to be that parent.

I was hit and punched on a regular basis for not very much or just because my dad had got angry with someone and I was the nearest child.
I've never smacked my child.

I was smacked as a child in the 80’s. Sometimes probably because DM lost her temper and sometimes to snap me out of a temper tantrum. Occasionally DF smacked us, but that tended to be in a more controlled manner as a planned punishment if we’d been really naughty. I don’t feel it was a particularly effective form of discipline, however I did throw some epic tantrums and a short sharp slap on the bum would put an end to it - I would know I’d gone too far. I don’t resent my parents for smacking me at all. We have a good relationship and it did me no harm. I grew up into “a well behaved citizen” though I think this is little to do with being smacked and more to do with the morals and values my parents instilled in me.

Back then smacking was considered by many to be an appropriate, reasonable and effective form of discipline. My parents were trying their best to raise 4 kids well the best way they knew how (they were both smacked as children).

DH wasn’t smacked. MIL was completely against it, as were her parents which I’m sure was unusual when she was brought up in the 50s. He is also a well behaved citizen.

DD is only one and I can not imagine ever smacking her. Aside from not being able to physically hurt her, I just don’t think it is effective. Plus, as PPs have said, how can you teach a child not to hurt others and yet hurt them yourself? Times and attitudes have changed and in general smacking is not considered acceptable anymore. I think my own parents would agree with this, and neither have them have ever suggested they would / we should raise a hand to any of their grandchilden.

Just to add as well, although smacking did me or my siblings no harm at all it was only ever a quick slap on the bum / thighs. I remember it stinging, and once my DM being devastated when she realised she’d left a hand print, but I was never badly hurt or scared. There is a huge difference between that and the abuse some of you describe from your childhoods. I have no doubt that that absolutely would have a massive effect on you. to you

Understandable if you were getting beaten but a smack....? I was definitely smacked as a child and it hasn’t blighted my adulthood. It’s an honest question and i struggle to understand the life long ramifications of a smack

Daphne - see my post not far above yours. It dented my self confidence. It was inconsistent and any inconsistent punishment will be harmful because you just can't adapt to avoid it. Plus, it was smacking. As PP have said, if an adult does it to an adult, it's assault. It affected the amount I could trust my dad.

A friend and I were recently talking about the men in our lives that we consider decent men, men we can really rely on. It was interesting that neither of us mentioned our fathers.

Evil SilL whacks her kids. I have been NC with brother and her for over 20 years but still remember the shock at her whacking her two year old over losing something (of no value or consequence, FFS, they were two years old) then cooing over them asking why they were crying.

I despise parent's who abuse their children by assaulting them. And it is abuse and making 'smacking' illegal can't come quick enough.

I wasn't smacked as a child as my parent's didn't believe assaulting us was in any way ok.

I would NEVER smack my son - to do so is abusive and a lack of control by the parent - there are numerous ways to parent children who misbehave - resorting to assault? vile and disgusting parenting.

My DF got hit with a belt.

DBs and I got one single coolly measured smack on the bum if we'd done something v wrong and ignored 3 previous warnings. Younger DB was the naughtiest child in the world (in hindsight he was v bright and easily bored!) and it was the only thing that deterred/stopped him. I was a goody two shoes and think I got smacked twice in total.

It did us no harm whatsoever, but nonetheless I don't ever want to hit my kids. It sends the wrong message entirely and it's a horrible thing to do.

However I'll be brutally honest and say that I can see how some parents lose their rag enough to do it in anger, even if they never could in cold blood, as toddler DD would try the patience of a saint since our new baby arrived, and that coincides with me being v sleep deprived and recovering from the birth etc. Time out/naughty step is as much for me to regroup as it is for her!! Although the little bugger has taken to asking to sit on it to avoid bedtime - that's a whole different story....

Yes, smacked as a child.

No, would never ever smack or hurt my children. It’s despicable disgusting behaviour.

I was smacked a lot, so clearly it didn’t work as a form of discipline!

My kids are very well behaved - never smacked or even punished.

I was smacked on the bottom 'pants down' so it really stung and also slippered. I remember one memorable occasion where my mother had to chase me down to slipper me.
I have never hit my dc. On occasion i have felt a white hot rage and wanted to, but i have always stopped myself. I could just about understand why my parents slapped in the heat of the moment, but to prepare the child with the 'pants down' command, or to chase them around - surely during that time you, as the adult, would gain control of yourself? And actually, the older i get and the more work i do on my self esteem, the more unacceptable i find their behaviour and can attribute many of my low self esteem issues with their controlling, abusive ways.

I also saw a neighbour of mine smack her toddler son as a punishment because he had smacked his sister. She actually said to him as she was hitting him, 'you mustn't hit, it's wrong'....bizarre!

Yes I was slapped and throttled and chased and hit with things when one parent lost their temper. Which wasn’t hard for them to do. To this day they still say it was their way of keeping me in check. I say it scarred me .. if a few decades later I have a vivid memory of being pinned by the throat.

No I don’t and wouldn’t hurt my children. The thought makes me want to cry.

I heard a lady in a shop shouting at her girl of about 4, “IM GOING TO FUCKING LEATHER YOU WHEN WE GET HOME” the kid ignored it like it was normal.

I was smacked ( I remember it as regularly) & I can remember my Dad hitting me round the head when I was a teenager. I was reading old diaries the other day & was shocked to see “ Dad grabbed me by the scruff of the neck & yelled that unless I bloody well apologised, I’d be walking to school” 😞.I am sad to say I have smacked DD but I don’t any longer. I hate myself for the times when I have done it & for the times (still happening) when I shout at her. Parenting can be so hard.

I was smacked. I remember running upstairs and locking myself in the bathroom to get away from my furious dad. I remember going to school the following day with hand prints on my arm from where he'd hit me. My dad was an overweight man and huge compared to me. It's abhorrent to me to even contemplate hitting a child and I have never, will never, do it. Why would I? I love my daughters! Why the hell would anyone want to hurt someone they loved?
Hitting your own child is awful- you don't just cause physical pain but a total loss of trust. As a parent you are there to protect, never to harm.

To the pp who is having IVF and imagines that she will hit her child, honestly I don't know how you can think that- given the challenge you're having getting pregnant. I don't get it at all.

My sisters and I were smacked as children - never with any implement, just an open hand on back of thigh.
I have no children, some of my sisters smacked theirs, some didn't.

I have no strong feeling re to smack or not. But really hate the idea of using implements, oddly.

Kursk genuine question. How do you feel about smacking your children after reading everyone’s comments on here?

I have no strong feeling re to smack or not. But really hate the idea of using implements, oddly.

Really? after reading the effect it has had on some children?

I have very strong feelings re smacking - you are abusing your child and are a shit parent. End of.

I wonder if it's had any influence on fighting amongst siblings. My brother and I physically fought loads (and were either left to sort it out ourselves or smacked for it!) whereas my children don't at all.

My DS is an only child so I can't compare his behaviour but the difference I see in my friends families is immense. The children who are smacked by their parents are so violent with their siblings compared to the children who aren't. You can just see this immediate need to lash out physically when badly frustrated that just isn't present in kids from more physically gentle families.

It makes sense to me because I was smacked as a child and my first instinct throughout childhood and well into adulthood was a deep desire to lash out physically when someone hurt me. It took massive effort to control that level of temper as an adult because it was a learned response to stress. Thankfully something in the process of parenting DS in a more empathetic way has stopped me having that reaction now.

you are abusing your child and are a shit parent. End of.

Totally agree. My ds used to hit my nieces when they were young and I remember on incident when the eldest knocked a drink over and my ds revved up into action. My dn cowered behind me, her aunt. I was absolutely certain that day that my children would never ever cower from me, they would run to me when things went wrong. It's called parenting.

Yes and no hitting a child teaches them fear and distrust and that violence is ok.

I never smacked or threatened to smack my daughter, I couldn’t bring myself too and didn’t need too. On the other hand I was smacked constantly with no idea why, on more than one occasion it was not just a smack but a prolonged assault. It is something I have never recovered from.