did your parents smack you? Do you smack your child?

[diamond702]

My dad used to smack me as a child, on the hand or bottom. I remember feeling scared and anxious about it, and I don't think it taught me right from wrong. I would usually get smacked for being annoying or loud rather than naughty things. He would do it to make me be quiet.

I think times have changed now (this was in the 90s) and maybe it's not as acceptable to smack children anymore. I don't believe it works. I can understand perhaps smacking a child's hand to stop them touching a hot oven or something, but otherwise, does it really make them grow up to be well behaved citizens?

I can't imagine smacking my child. Surely there are better ways to discipline?

I also believe there is a world of difference between smacking and beating

Not to a child there isn't.

BTW out of those of us who were smacked, do you remember what you had done? I don't, I remember being hit, and some specific times, I also remember having my mouth washed out with a soapy flannel but I don't remember why.

Yes, I was smacked often, usually with a slipper which left bruising. It upsets me if I think about it too much.

I don't have children. I don't agree with the idea of smacking children, but not having been in the position of a stressed parent, I don't feel qualified to judge. I do feel upset if I see a child getting smacked in public because it brings back some horrible memories.

Who would confiscate a phone?
There are natural consequences to all our actions.

I don't punish

I was smacked occasionally as a child, if I did something seriously naughty.
I wouldn't smack my child.

Yes we were smacked and scared of our very strict dad. He was beaten as a child so what he did to us he doesn’t see as traumatic, it was! I don’t smack my children no point I can achieve discipline without resulting to violence.

Once again, in context, there is a world of difference between what happened to me and what others here have described - a sustained campaign of abuse. That is all. I think the rest of my post is clear - I don't condone smacking and have never smacked my children.

I once tapped my DSs hand when he was about to put his fingers in a plug socket. It was a tap on the back of the hand and then a loud “no”.

I was smacked as a child, I dont resent it at all but I wound never smack mine

Yes and no, I would never, ever smack. I don't understand why people do. It makes me feel physically sick.

And I was only ever smacked by my mum who had never been hit in her life, never by my dad who had been literally flogged at school. V odd.

Yes I was, born in early 80s.

No I would never ever smack (which is a polite word for hit) my children.

I actually can't believe that it was still vaguely acceptable in my life time.

My dad was very bad tempered, obviously hated being a dad, used to just hit us when we were being loud or having fun, ie being kids. I'm sure a reason why I am shy and lack confidence in who I am is because of it.

Smacking isn't necessarily abusive but I do think it's unnecessary.

It's silly IMO to state that abusive parenting such as beating or screaming and berating or being given the silent treatment for days or whatever other thing is worse than smacking - clearly things exist on a scale but while some children will experience a light smack to be a signal or a fair punishment, there are always going to be some who fear it - and you can't tell which it is in advance, by which point the damage is done. Indeed, some parents find the fear to be the point. I don't agree with that. You could argue that forcing children to live in fear is a kind of emotional abuse.

The problem with smacking is it has the potential to be damaging, not that it always is. In fact that may make it more dangerous because it means some people consider it to be harmless, which it may be to some but definitely not all.

I had the odd smack as a child. Probably less than 5 times in my entire childhood, and only if I'd already been asked repeatedly to stop doing something dangerous/naughty. I certainly don't feel it's had any lasting negative impact on me.

I have never and will never smack my children.

Yes, with belt and other things.

No, I do not smack my children. Ever.

I was smacked on maybe 2 or 3 occasions, when I had been really naughty. Just one smack on the bum. I genuinely don't believe it did me any harm at all, and I have a brilliant relationship with my parents.

That said I think times have moved on. If I ever have my own kids I don't think I would smack them. I'd try to find better ways.

One thing that I do think is worth considering is that non-snacking punishments, such as being excluded or ignored for a time, can be more distressing to a child than a smack. So I think any form of punishment should be used very carefully.

It is perfectly possible to retain firm discipline without smacking. Nobody has been smacked in my family since the 19th century, but children tend to grow up quite well behaved with parents firmly in control.

By the time I was a child in the 60s, smacking was already frowned upon where I lived and corporal punishment had been banned in schools, yet I don't remember children running riot or failing to obey the teacher at school.

By the time my nieces were growing up, it was illegal; yet they generally did as they were told, too. And absolutely no signs of a higher child mortality because of parents failing to prevent their children from doing dangerous things.

By the time I was bringing up my own children in a country where smacking was still prevalent, I just didn't see the point of it. If my own generation in another country, if my parents' generation, if my grandparents' generation had been able to keep their children from harm and under control without smacking, I didn't see why I couldn't do the same.

I tried to learn from the people I admired: my grandparents, my parents, my brother. And what I saw was a combination of understanding the child, taking adult responsibility for keeping a small child safe, staying very calm but firm, punishing rarely but in a thought-through manner, being consistent, expecting high standards, keeping high standards of behaviour themselves, not giving way out of fear or to make life easier. It all looked good to me.

A lot of people who advocate smacking seem to think that the choices are between physical punishment and utterly unruly offspring. They really aren't.
My children aren't smacked and never will be- my father has threatened to do so but was told that he would be reported to the police if he laid a hand on them (and I absolutely would do this). Obviously, my kids are occasionally naughty or annoying because they are children and that's how they are sometimes. But their behaviour is good generally and their teachers always comment on their good manners.
I find that punishment isn't really very effective as a way of improving future behaviour, but if they need it they are certainly told off. I suspect I am stricter than their friends parents, but my kids know where the boundaries are and they seem to be happy with that.

I was smacked, although it was normal for me, looking back it was my Mum losing control.

It would range from a hand on the bum to the most recent time was a smacked round the face repeatedly with a slipper when I was 19.

The slipper is obviously extreme and a whole different thread but although it took me a long time to wire my brain to not do that, sometimes it can be my first reaction when my DD does something really naughty. That being said, I have NEVER smacked her.

I use the naughty step and always speak clearly and explain why she's in trouble. That mostly works very well and we don't have to use the step often.

Smacked by my father often - with his hand, with a slipper, full force. Once when I was about 9, I was stood on our driveway reading and he tripped as he walked past with one of his mates, that got a literal walloping with no pinching but heavy open handed blows to my back. Another time when i was younger than that, he broke my nose - I’d screamed when I saw a massive (really massive, and I was terrified) spider.)
I mean, obviously he had a anger management issue but I still can’t get my head around how he ever thought it appropriate to physically hit his own child, even in the 1980’s.

So no, I do not hit my children. Not ever. It makes me feel sick to think that I, the person they trust most in the world, would ever break that trust by physically abusing them like that.

Oh, and for the record? Two of kids have ASD, and they are polite and well behaved most of the time. When they’re not, we talk. Because, you know, they’re hunan beings with feelings too, and as a child the adult decisions often seem unfair. I find that taking the time to explain things helps a lot.

I was smacked , usually by my mother . I remember one time when I was 8 and home from school for lunch she slapped the back of my head because I was “cheeky” (in my mind it was a joke ) of course I cried and when I was going back to school with my red puffy eyes she told me I “don’t have to tell the teacher I’d been crying as she’d hit me I could just tell her I had something in my eye”
Made out like she was doing me a favour !!!
My brother and sister were ALWAYS hitting each other so my father would hit them as a punishment , with my sister getting the more severe as she was older and supposed to know better.
It’s hilarious actually- as soon as the parents were out of sight they’d just resume the fight with extra vigor to avenge the punishment!! They really learned their lesson.
My mother hit me until I was at least 15 , she stopped hitting my sister sooner because she would hit back.
I never did because for some reason I thought it was wrong to hit someone smaller than me - something I didn’t learn from my parents obviously 😂😂
I only remember my father hitting me once but my mother was constantly flying off the handle.
I don’t smack my kids.

I was born in the early 70’s & was regularly smacked by both parents. I would never ever smack my child, it is an absolutely disgusting thing to do.

Yes. I believe it did harm me, so I don’t hit my child. I once told my mum I thought it would have been better if she hadn’t smacked me. This is now referred to as ‘constantly casting it up’, so she obviously feels regret too.

I was smacked as a child occasionally after several warnings. I smacked my children when they were younger on a few occasions. For my oldest it was completely ineffective. She is incredibly strong willed and would never let you see that you had hurt her. It felt like trying to break her personality which I did not want to do so we had to quickly find another way with her. My younger 2 had maybe a couple of smacks each and never needed to again as once they realise you are serious , a warning is usually enough.
There is a world of difference between a pre warned smack and a parent losing their rag and beating a child. Neither myself or my brothers grew up thinking physical violence was okay. (In fact. a large percentage of people on this thread were smacked and think violence is wrong which kind of questions the argument that smacking makes kids grow up violent....seems to have had opposite effect on people on this thread)
We are also all a really close family so smacking did not affect our relationships. We were not scared of our parents but knew if we stepped out of line there would be consequences which I don't think is a bad thing for kids to know.
I would not ever smack my kids now that they are teenagers and looking back in an analytical way, I can see that had I continued to smack my eldest every time she was naughty, it would have turned into a very unhealthy relationship but fortunately I worked that out fairly quickly.
I do however think that parents who leave their kids screaming and whinging on naughty steps or shut isolated in bedrooms for long periods of time are not really being any kinder. And being shouted at for me personally would have been more frightening.
Whilst I know that my parents did smack, I cannot recall an occasion that I was smacked so it has definitely had no lasting effect on me and I am actually a very non confrontational person so it also in no way made me aggressive.

Yes I remember getting a smack and how horrible it felt, I remember feeling scared and weirdly ashamed afterwards.
It's not a feeling I'd want my kids to have.

In saying that I have smacked my dd on the bottom twice and both times I feel like I'd lost my temper and not my finest parenting moments. I felt incredibly guilty afterwards.

The thing is that is you parent well you never find yourself in the sorts of situations where some on here feel a smack is justified (personally I don't think it ever is but still).
If you supervise your child and redirect them, guess what, they won't put their fingers in dangerous places. If you hold their hand/use reigns/communicate and explain dangerous situations then, again, they won't run off.
The failing is the parent's, not the child's. Perhaps those of you who smack your children ought to think about what YOU could have done differently in each situation to avoid the issue in the first place. If thinking about it doesn't work, maybe ask a friend if they can wallop you a bit since you feel that's the way to "learn 'em".