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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people 'don't drive'

974 replies

ZX81user · 06/05/2018 13:07

..medical conditions aside.It is such a useful life skill.
I think it is part of a parent's responsibility to get their teen througj their test.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 07/05/2018 13:40

and agree with Jozxyqk; it is about poverty bashing or at least about valuing things differently if they cost money

going to the gym or running with your personal trainer- worthy

walking to the shops every day- annoying to see people make their life difficult

walking to your holiday home in Cornwall or just out into the local wood on a day trip- how stupid!

walking to Macchu Picchu- what a wonderful opportunity!

Ohmydayslove · 07/05/2018 13:48

Brazen Grin

What amazes me is the inability some people hsve to understand and accept other people’s valid choices. Very odd.

bridgetosomewhere · 07/05/2018 13:48

I work with a woman in her 40s who doesn’t drive and neither does her husband.
So they are still relying on her parents to drive them everywhere they need to go.
We live rurally so hospital appts etc are an hour away.

The funniest thing is they have a touring caravan too and no car. So Mum and Dad tow it to sites for them!

ParisUSM · 07/05/2018 13:50

@corythatwas
very good point - I keep saying to people at work that me commuting by public transport/foot means I don't have to go to a gym but I get that confused wrinkled up face saying 'does not compute'

Anyone 'irrationally angry' at my choices really needs to get a life.

TomRavenscroft · 07/05/2018 13:55

I agree that it's a useful life skill.

I've never learned because I've always felt scared of the very idea of it. I can't imagine being able to remember to look in a mirror/gauge how far away things are in a rear-view/turn the wheel to steer in tight spaces etc. I also can't imagine grasping or retaining all the rules; people have tried to explain e.g. the different motorways lanes, the rules at junctions and roundabouts etc, and it is all beyond me.

I also have bad eyesight, and my vision fluctuates from second to second due to extremely dry eyes, so don't think I'd be able to read signs etc (I often can't as a passenger).

Slanetylor · 07/05/2018 14:07

Irrationally angry that my good friend with 2 masters degrees is now in benefits because her commute to work was too difficult? It’s hard to see people making their lives difficult. ( not an opinion but as a fact. In that she could no longer cope with her self imposed routine).

VladPutin · 07/05/2018 14:08

because medical reasons aside they are a bit weird tbh.
Its a really odd mumsnet thing that is very rare in my RL

Slanetylor · 07/05/2018 14:09

Also I’m not sure about the logic of being glad your parents didn’t have to deal with the blow of no longer being able to drive? Why would it be a blow unless it brought them great pleasure. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a blow.
I do understand the poverty thing but none of the people I know who don’t drive have money problems. One takes a taxi to work each day.

VladPutin · 07/05/2018 14:09

Two of my three have passed recently
Its like swimming lessons for me - a life skill. They might live in London all their lives but god people do LEAVE London every so often

ParisUSM · 07/05/2018 14:10

@Slanetylor
It’s just something that makes me totally irrationally angry when people make their lives needlessly difficult and expect others to understand.

Sounded like you were angry with anyone who you thought was making their lives needlessly difficult, not just your friend. I've commuted 3 hours a day for 25 years, and couldn't halved the time spent commuting if I was driving. Would this make you angry?

ParisUSM · 07/05/2018 14:11

aargh, could've halved the time spent commuting...

Slanetylor · 07/05/2018 14:12

My commute is 4 hours. I’m not angry with you.

JacquesHammer · 07/05/2018 14:12

They might live in London all their lives but god people do LEAVE London every so often

And you can manage other than rurally without needing to drive. Other places do have decent transport systems

BillywigSting · 07/05/2018 14:13

I can't drive because a) I can't afford to pay for lessons and b) I'm literally too short to comfortably reach the pedals.

My friend can drive, but doesn't because a) after they had two children they couldn't afford to run a car ad well and b) it's not particularly necessary where we live as public transport here is very good

Slanetylor · 07/05/2018 14:14

I’d probably be a bit bemused if you could drive it in 15 mins. But there’s no evidence that you’re making your life needlessly difficult and mosning about it.

ParisUSM · 07/05/2018 14:16

Fair enough Slanetylor. I'm probably a bit touchy about it as I have been questioned about it by people who did seem genuinely annoyed. Got to the stage where I told them the reason why I don't drive - two people died in a bus crash I was in and it was a challenge to get back on public transport, let alone learn to drive. Really shouldn't be put in the position where I have to tell people that to make them stop going on about it.

corythatwas · 07/05/2018 14:16

Slanetylor Mon 07-May-18 14:09:03
"Also I’m not sure about the logic of being glad your parents didn’t have to deal with the blow of no longer being able to drive? Why would it be a blow unless it brought them great pleasure."

Because of not developing other coping skills. Because of lack of physical fitness brought on by carrying out everyday tasks by car. Because of an attitude that your life is over if you can't drive.

As for your friend, let's say that she sounds like someone who was quite happy to give up and live on benefits anyway. That's probably less to do with non-driving than with her general attitude to life.

I can think of at least 20 non-drivers among my own family and circle of acquaintances: not a single one of them is on benefits. They are all active, busy people who can get along without the help of others.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 07/05/2018 14:22

Nor that it is a pain to only catch up with friends at a venue they can reach by public transport

You're assuming that the norm is to drive and they are the unusual people asking for allowances. For me the norm is not to drive. When I meet up with friends who want to drive there and want somewhere with parking, I am surprised.
Why not choose a venue where people can choose public transport or driving, rather than choosing somewhere only for drivers?
I know several people who have cars but use walking/ cycling/ public transport when possible, and would also prefer a venue that doesn't require driving.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 07/05/2018 14:29

Also people who drive seem to have no idea how easy it is to get around without a car.

I stayed at a friend's holiday cottage in very rural UK, she was amazed when I arrived on a bus that stopped at the end of her driveway. In 10 years of owning the cottage she had not known it was on a bus route, which I'd found easily using Google maps Directions function.

Sometimes I'll tell someone where I'm walking and they'll say aghast "you can't walk there, it will take you ages!!",and it will be an easy 20 mins walk along one path.

I think drivers assume we are all unable to get around, sitting miserably in bus shelters, but actually find travelling by car usually the least pleasant option.

GallicosCats · 07/05/2018 14:32

Stirner I agree with you. I think dashcams and in-car cameras should be fitted as standard to all cars taken on test, so that test standards can be checked and appeals can proceed on a solid evidence base. I've been reasonably lucky to pass first time on an uneventful run, but DH's two failures involved some factors that were outside his control (one being weather conditions so appalling that the test should have been cancelled at the start, and the other a very complex traffic situation that put him in a catch-22, and might have been worth an appeal).

ParisUSM · 07/05/2018 14:33

I have colleagues who drive home even though they can see their house from our work - it must take her longer than it would to walk. The thought of a 15 minute walk fills some people with terror, I really don't know what they think will happen to them. Hmm

Would help the obesity epidemic no end if people walked when they could - saving time shouldn't always be the number one priority.

alpineibex · 07/05/2018 14:33

Because I'm scared of being in cars and driving.

Slanetylor · 07/05/2018 14:35

I still remember my first blissfully happy day doing grocery shopping after I bought my first car. Cornflakes or orange juice?? I no longer had to decide, I could buy both on one shopping trip without overloading what I could carry!! The bliss. That day driving home in the rain with ALL the groceries I needed was one of my happiest.
I think most car drivers had no car at some point. Maybe in university or their first jobs. I’ve waited in the rain for lifts to work, I been stuck on trains that were delayed for hours, I’ve been sat in bus stops with weirdos, fallen asleep on a delayed bus and missed my stop had to walk 2 hours home with my college backpack. It just depends on where people live and what the public transport options are. And also the weather!! Some cities get a lot more rain.

ParisUSM · 07/05/2018 14:39

I think a big part of the reason I'm still slim at 50 is because I have to carry my shopping home. God knows what rubbish I'd bring home if there were no limits. Grin Carrying it home means I don't have to do weights too :)

bananafish81 · 07/05/2018 14:52

They might live in London all their lives but god people do LEAVE London every so often

If we decided to move to a commuter town fuck please no where we needed a car then DH would get his licence and we'd get a car.

I grew up in suburbia where I had to be ferried around by my parents, and turning 17 was a massive lifeline to freedom

Whereas living in a city where there's tonnes of public transport, teens have loads more freedom at a much younger age.

Also - no one has to be the designated driver if you're out with friends (at any age) - you can all have a drink and fall onto the night tube or into a cab / uber and get home safely Grin

If we desperately needed to go somewhere where we needed a car, there are several car club spaces within 5-10 mins of my front door. So I can rent a car if I LEAVE London and train / taxi isn't a viable option.