To wonder why people 'don't drive'

[ZX81user]

..medical conditions aside.It is such a useful life skill.
I think it is part of a parent's responsibility to get their teen througj their test.

Lakie yes, but the point is, those of us who can't drive have repeatedly said that we live in areas where there is decent public transport. We choose these areas based on the fact that we don't drive. Why would anyone who can't drive move to the arse end of nowhere?

There’s always lots of posts on here from people complaining that their friends won’t drive them somewhere when they’ve no other way to get someplace. This is true in real life too. You must have pity in the friend who can’t go the wedding or you are a bad person.

If you witnessed my attempts to drive, you would not wonder!

I have very poor spatial awareness (I blame partial vision in one eye, but I think that is only part of the problem).

I have frightened driving instructors (they have admitted to being scared) by some of my manoeuvres.
I have damaged the cars of those poor instructors and I ran my husband's car into a ditch when he let me drive 'for a few yards'.
I have had more than 100 lessons and I still cannot: do a turn in the road, reverse into a parking space or change gears appropriately.
I am scared of traffic and either panic or try to drive like a maniac when I drive on main roads.
I broke the car radio when I tired to adjust the heating and once I got my arms stuck in the steering wheel (I couldn't work out how to get them out).

Honestly, some of us don't drive because we can't drive.

you invest in a family and friends railcard. You get 60% of children's fares and a third off adult fares. You travel off peak, and book in advance. You can set up alerts that tell you when the advanced fares are released. I booked our summer holiday at Easter, so my alerts are set up and I will buy the tickets as soon as they are released.

Investigate split ticketing. So for example, I live in the West Midlands and usually have to get to Birmingham for connections. Because of the transport network its often significantly cheaper to buy a ticket from Birmingham. It costs about £4 to Birmingham. So I buy the main ticket from Birmingham.
You get a nice email every year telling you how much you've saved. Last year I saved over £600, just on tickets bought on line, so not including the frequent small journeys where I just buy the ticket at the station

Completely get that non driving can come from finances, health, principles or living somewhere with great public transport.
I think it is the CFS that annoy me. It feels kind of triumphant when they announce ' I don't drive'. Absolutely agree that non drivers do not appreciate the effort, stress and responsibility that drivers automatically assume. Nor that it is a pain to only catch up with friends at a venue they can reach by public transport or else tone obliged to drive them.
I also wonder if it is a gender issue- it seems -among some- to be a kind of cutesy infantilised form of femininity. Oh I can't drive those horrible big scary things!

I’ve failed my test 3 times now. I have really bad dyspraxia, frequently have bruised arms from walking into doorways etc, and no sense of spatial awareness.
I’ve given up now because I’d probably kill someone if I managed to pass my test. Costs me £25 for a weekly bus pass, or dh drops me on the way to his workplace. Buses are frequent as are the trains and I manage my half day into Birmingham for uni and back to Warwick for work just fine.

Last attempt on my test involved me and a bus, poor driving instructor cried on looking at the remains of his car.

Because at 17 I had no interest in learning.
Because I find the idea of learning to drive stressful and scary.
Because learning to drive is incredibly expensive.
Because I live in London and 9/10 it is easier to get public transport or walk than it ever would be to drive.
Because my husband drives.

Having said that, I am learning this summer. I'm not looking forward to it.

I also wonder if it is a gender issue- it seems -among some- to be a kind of cutesy infantilised form of femininity. Oh I can't drive those horrible big scary things!

Interesting! I'm the driver in our marriage I grew up in suburbia so couldn't wait to learn to drive

DH grew up in the inner city and never needed to. He had a few lessons years ago but never got round to taking his test. It we ever move anywhere that we'd need to have a car, then he'd have some more lessons and take his test.

He doesn't expect me to drive him around - cos we don't have a car and have no need to drive where we live! If we ever lived somewhere that not driving would be a disadvantage, then he would get his licence, he wouldn't expect to be dependent on me to get from A to B and no fecking chance would I be his taxi driver!

My mother was the driver in our house. Like me, my dad had hereditary optic atrophy - his distance vision was rubbish but he could manage in most other situations and as his sight condition was caused by a defective optic nerve, glasses would have made no difference. I expect onlookers probably thought he was a bit useless. It's boring having to explain yourself and unnerving to think there are people like the OP judging you. Luckily my DH has a huge car so going to the tip is not a problem. I think the only area of my life that would be seriously problematic without his car would be our dog. I don't know how non-driving households manage trips to the vet.

So, as this thread, and the dozens of similar ones on MN has shown people have a myriad of reasons for not driving. TLDR; everyone's circumstances are different.

For my part I was a very reluctant driver and didn't learn until my late 20s because I wanted to move into a career where most employers (rightly) see it as an essential skill. It took me a lot of tests and hundreds of hours but I got there in the end and I'm now a competent and mostly confident driver. I'm of the opinion that you don't really "learn" to drive until you pass your test and get out on the roads on your own. Driving is a lot easier when you have an end destination and don't have an instructor in your ear! All in all I wish I'd took the opportunity earlier to learn to drive because I would have landed my dream job a lot quicker if I had!

That being said, and I suspect this is going to get me roasted, I strongly feel that the test system is in dire need of an overhaul.

At the moment would-be drivers are faced with three month long waits for tests. Often the examiners at test centres are inconsistent, capricious, and invent reasons to fail candidates. In theory decisions can be appealed but this just results in a free re-test if successful, and in my experience driving instructors discourage pupils from taking this route (I strongly suspect they fear that their other students would get penalised if they're marked out as trouble makers).

This coupled with the long wait to get a test means that drivers are needlessly barred from the roads. A few months ago, on a rare occasion of taking public transport to work I heard a young woman having a conversation with the DVSA call centre, apparently an examiner has called in sick on the day of her test so her booking was cancelled, and as a result she faced weeks of waiting for another slot. She was another one that needed it for work too.

In my opinion, given that as this thread has shown driving is an essential skill for many, the UK system is a disgrace. I think the US system seems much more sensible.

I’d hate not to be able to drive and class it as a life skill that my children need to learn as soon as possible. Three out of four of our children, who are of driving age, passed within months of their 17th birthdays. Fourth one started and then gave up but has since passed in early 20s. One more to go but have plenty of time as he is only in early teens. Lesson costs were kept down by teaching the basics ourselves before starting with an instructor and supplementing their lessons with extra driving with us.

I also wonder if it is a gender issue- it seems -among some- to be a kind of cutesy infantilised form of femininity. Oh I can't drive those horrible big scary things!

What utter nonsense. I've never heard a non driver say anything remotely resembling this.

On this thread - as in real life - people's valid reasons for not driving are dismissed by those who see it as a necessity for everyone.

But @mum11970 what do you suggest for people like me who took SIX YEARS of lessons between ages 17-23 and failed all 5 of my tests? My dad used to take me out in his car as well, but some things can't be taught like reactions, peripheral vision and spatial awareness. I know how to operate a car just fine, but in that entire time of taking lessons I never learned to judge safe distances between me and other cars, what to do at a tricky junction, and I'd miss quite important things like cars pulling out of side roads or even on one occasion, a set of traffic lights. It's like my brain can't handle all the things you need to concentrate on. I truly believe it's like any other skill (playing an instrument, dancing, being great at maths etc) some people have it and others don't. What happens if one of your kids had similar struggles?

I actually do think it’s a gender issue. I wonder what percentage of males to females don’t drive. I know I work with a 46 year old man who doesn’t drive. His mom collects him from the train when he visits home. It’s is generally NOT regarded as sexy among my single female colleagues.

There is an interesting dichotomy going on here:

otoh a one hour commute involving a change of buses on a rainy day or walking across the Lake District on holiday is so difficult that nobody can possibly do it

otoh people who do do it probably do it because they are cutesey and infantilised

I am struggling to see anything cutesey or infantilised about my 85yo father. What I do see is a man who is in remarkably good shape for his age, who can still do a brisk walk to the nearest station carrying luggage or a 10 mile walk for pleasure, who has never had an extra ounce of weight putting strain on his joints, and whose life has hardly been impacted at all by his gradually failing eyesight.

I used to wonder why my mum doesn't drive, until I asked her and she said "Because then I'd have to do that, too" - i.e. it's the only thing my dad does that is useful, she does all the cooking, cleaning etc. It's sad really but I doubt it will change, they are both in their 70s...

It’s just something that makes me totally irrationally angry when people make their lives needlessly difficult and expect others to understand. One friend and co-worker didn’t like the area where we worked so would do just that. Take 2 buses to work, regularly be late for Creche pick up time, lived in a walk up on her own with a baby, pushchair and shopping and refused to drive. She couldn’t cope gave up work and lives on benefits now. But why not just make life easy, live near work OR drive. It’s frustrating to watch on some basic level.

Personally too, my grandmother never learned to drive. She always told me it was her one regret. “ the days I could’ve walked in the beach, but couldn’t get there”

@joeElliotsMullet
That’s what happened to my granny. Then her husband died and she lived 20 more years on her own with no car.

The gender thing in my family:

neither parent drives

I and one of my brothers do not drive, my other 2 brothers do

2 female partners drive, one does not

my (male) dh only learnt to drive recently when required to for work

so out of 10 adults (5 male, 5 female), 4 women and 2 men do not drive, 1 man only started recently (and very unwillingly)

my non-driving db has spent his life travelling around Europe and further afield, been to all sorts of remote places, done absolutely fine; he is under a lot of pressure to start driving now, but that is merely because his new partner wants a lifestyle based on driving everywhere, he does not

they now turn up in her car, but that is not his choosing, so I hardly think he can be blamed for getting her to drive: he'd be absolutely fine with them taking the train

his eyesight is poor, so I think he'd be far better off not driving, but there is a lot of pressure there

It depends massively on where you live. I do drive but the city I live in has such good public transport that it's really not necessary at all. In fact because it has designated bus lanes, during rush hour, you can probably get from A to B quicker by bus than by car.

It's also very expensive. If you're earning circa £800 a month, then £120 a month for lessons is a huge chunk of that particularly if you then couldn't afford a car plus petrol, tax & insurance once you did pass.

I live in central london. Never needed to.

I really hate these threads. It just feels like poorly disguised poverty bashing, IMHO. I am glad so many responses have mentioned finances.

Slanetylor, of course you have a right to be angry if other people make choices that inconvenience you or others, like being late for crèche.

But as for "making life needlessly difficult for themselves"- surely that is up to them? And who are you to judge what another person finds difficult? My dh can drive but avoids driving to work if he possibly can because he finds it tiring and stressful- the commute by train is more relaxing and he can get work done.

My parents are finding life a lot less difficult in their own age because not always choosing the easier option has left them in better physical shape than most of their contemporaries.

You could as well say that my 17yo is making life needlessly difficult for himself by going to the gym. Of course he is! It would be much easier and less tiring to stay at home and watch the telly. But the day will come when it pays off not always to have made the easy choice.

I am glad my parents haven't had to suffer that blow to their independence and self-esteem that comes with no longer being able to drive. It was very hard for my FIL and frankly he put it off far too long, putting other people at risk in the meantime, because he couldn't cope emotionally.

I was born and raised in a grand Metrópolis with excellent public transport and since have lived in several Metropolitan urban cities where I also have exemplary transport .. No need to spend my money on parking and insurance or a car for that matter .. I took a driver´s licence exam at 18 and decided it was just not my cup of tea. I prefer to fly and travel with my money ..

Because I enjoy wine and know I'll never pass a breathalyser test.