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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DD wasn’t unreasonable not to give up reserved seat?

408 replies

jasminajasminda · 06/05/2018 11:26

Dd17 was getting the train from London to Edinburgh yesterday to visit her sister at uni (she’s just finished her internal school year 12 exams, and lessons don’t start again until Wednesday).

We obviously reserved her a seat. She arrived, got on the train, and sat down in her seat. The train was very busy, and a few minutes after the train started moving, a middle aged woman with a walking stick, having apparently wandered through several carriages (dd was in the front carriage) without finding a seat, looked around dd’s Carriage, then came up to her and asked her to move as she needed a seat (pointedly making a big deal of her walking stick). When dd pointed out that she had reserved that seat, and there was no way she was giving up her seat on a four hour train journey, the woman told her that she was young, and therefore didn’t need a seat as much as she did.

At this dd put on her headphones, and listened to music and ignored her. The woman eventually huffed and left the carriage. Dd said that she noticed a few other passengers giving her (dd) dirty looks throughout the journey.

Was dd being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Butteryfields · 06/05/2018 17:35

Id stand on a short bus or commuter train, but I wouldn’t give up my reserved seat on a long train, I’ve done the earphones thing before as their really isn’t anything else to say after sorry no.

StayingAtTamaras · 06/05/2018 17:35

if it was on a bus where you can't reserve the seat then I understand, 20 mins of standing is nothing but for a 4 hour journey then the woman should've reserved a seat, if she managed to walk through several carriages then why didn't she get a seat somewhere else? as a PP said it sounds like she picked on your DD as she is young.

Mousefunky · 06/05/2018 17:36

Your DD was right to do that. The woman knew she was going to be on a long train journey over bank holiday weekend so the chance of there being an unreserved seat would be slim. She should have reserved her own.

Hissy · 06/05/2018 17:37

This woman could have booked herself a seat. She didn’t

Had she booked one, damned sure she’d have spoken to a member of staff

She could have asked anyone not sitting in a reserved seat for a seat, she could have asked generally to the carriage if anyone could give up their seat. She did neither

She approached a young girl in a clearly marked reserved seat for her seat.

That’s deliberate and entitled

It’s not the fact she asked for a seat, it’s that she sought out (having come in from another carriage yet seemingly not found someone in that carriage to pick on) a teenager to browbeat into standing potentially for hours.this is not about old/disabled, this is about attitude of someone wanting someone to do what they are told because it suits them

The way this woman asked the dd was planned to try to intimidate her into giving up her reserved seat. That’s ugly and unacceptable

BecauseWeCanCanCan · 06/05/2018 17:37

I don't think it's a common scam to score a seat. I think you can generally tell if it's an older person who has difficulty walking.

And also, maybe people don't travel a lot - if you miss a connection because your first train is late, your reservation is no longer valid because you've missed your scheduled train. Is it just me that has had this happen loads of times on cross country journeys?

If you can't stand, then don't give up your seat for someone. If you can, then why wouldn't you do it for someone who needs it more than you? And then ask the guard about it when he comes down to collect tickets.

I know I'm banging on about it, but every time I think of my old mum barely able to stand let alone walk being left to stand for two hours on a train, I feel absolute rage at people who would do that. We pay first class for her to avoid this happening, then they take first class of on that train, her route is changed, the train is cancelled. And then everyone sits there smug as a bug comfortable in the knowledge that they are RIGHT to sit there without budging.

Pengggwn · 06/05/2018 17:42

I just wonder about other scenarios where someone needs help:

"I wouldn't jump into a canal to save a drowning child. Where are the parents, that what I want to know!"

"I wouldn't share my meal with a starving person. Should have ordered a Dominos!"

GingerIvy · 06/05/2018 17:45

It always feels like a minefield for us, but as someone that has 2 children with disabilities, once we're sitting, we don't move. My children have every right to sit in the seats for those with disabilities and although we try to avoid using them if possible (to leave them for others that may need them), if there is no other option, my children will sit there. We've had a few people grumble when they see children in the seat, but they have legitimate medical disabilities that means it is much safer and less painful for them to sit. I will happily stand, even for a longer journey, as long as my dcs are able to sit. I did have a situation where an elderly woman leaned over and said to me "are your children elderly, pregnant, or disabled?" to which I calmly responded "Yes, actually they are" and ignored her for the remainder of the trip. Can't win no matter what we do.

nocoolnamesleft · 06/05/2018 18:12

I am distinctly reminded of a train journey I made last year. I am mobility impaired. I booked a seat for the legs of the journey where this option exists. Unfortunately, my first train was seriously delayed by a problem with the tracks. This meant that I missed the connection, despite having chosen times that should have given me over 30 mins to make it. And thus had to catch the next train, on which I didn't have a seat reserved. The station staff couldn't give a flying fuck. It is extremely difficult to walk with an aid on a moving train. And no one had any intention of giving up their seat. The only staff I saw basically said the train was full and shrugged. I was in agony by the end of the journey. I limped worse for several weeks.

And I had fucking booked a seat, thanks.

ePurSiMuove · 06/05/2018 18:23

It’s just common decency to help assist an older person with mobility difficulties. There are some people who would be only too pleased to stand up and offer a seat for someone who needs it more, even without being asked. That is how I was brought up and hopefully DC would be the same. I would not sit there smugly because I had reserved a seat.

Yes, they may be bring cheeky, but equally they could be desperate and feel humiliated by asking.

chills32045 · 06/05/2018 18:25

If the woman needed a seat so bad she would/should have reserved one herself!

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/05/2018 18:25

Pengggwn

A closer scenario is the kids on a plane expecting others that have booked reserved seats to move

anothergreentomato · 06/05/2018 18:26

So sad to read this thread. I thought maybe opinions would differ as more comments were added, really disappointed to see they havent. I agree totally with becausewecancan and nocoolnamesleft and others. Reserving a seat is just not always possible and a little kindness really does help make the world a nicer place to be in.

Pengggwn · 06/05/2018 18:36

BoneyBackJefferson

Sorry, why?

ALongHardWinter · 06/05/2018 18:36

fontofnoknowledge Your story has made me really angry! When someone pulls a scam like that in order to get a seat,it makes people look at all disabled people a bit ,thinking they're just trying it on. It gives genuinely disabled people a bad name. Mind you,my experiences on public transport gives me the impression that a hell a lot of people don't give a damn anyway. I'm disabled and use one,sometimes 2 walking sticks. I can stand up without too much trouble,but standing up on a moving train or bus is another matter. I'll never forget the journey I had about 2 years ago,on a tube train between the centre of London and Heathrow Airport. The train was absolutely packed when I got on at King's Cross (I'd already let 2 trains go as they were even worse). Every single priority seat was taken,and every inch of standing space was also taken. I ended up standing for nearly an hour. I know quite a few people saw me and the fact that I had 2 walking sticks meant I was struggling to hold on properly,but they just looked away again. I was nearly on my knees by the time we arrived at Heathrow. I won't travel on the tube any more,unless it's absolutely unavoidable.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/05/2018 18:39

Pengggwn

because no one needs saving and this thread is basically about someone that has paid extra to reserve a seat for someone that hasn't/couldn't.

Soubriquet · 06/05/2018 18:41

"I wouldn't share my meal with a starving person. Should have ordered a Dominos!"

Do you share your food with every homeless person you see? More often than not they are starving

BecauseWeCanCanCan · 06/05/2018 18:47

ALongHardWinter that sounds horrendous. It's the heartlessness that gets to me, a sense of entitlement that trumps any sense of being kind. God knows we all want a bit of kindness when life is sucking - I'd rather be kind than right.

It's like the report from a few weeks ago about the video of a blind man crying on the tube when not a single commuter would give up their seat for him and his dog. He videoed his experience, it was brutal. I don't get the attitude of 'I'm all right Jack, so screw you'.

windermerebell · 06/05/2018 18:50

Sadly I know a women who did carry a stick on long train journeys to get a seat and there was nothing wrong with her, she used to target young females as well. (Not saying the women did in this case as all but it does happen)
I was once asked very rudely on a train by a middle aged women to move as I was “young and fit” , I said I had regular seizures and would not be moving. She told me I was selfish and only moved when I said ok I would stand but would stand next to her to make sure I fell on her like a dead weight if I had a fit.
If you book a seat for a journey then you have the right to use it

ALongHardWinter · 06/05/2018 18:53

OMG BecauseWeCanCanCan That poor man. My heart goes out to him. Stories like that make me feel like crying. What is wrong with people nowadays?

Pengggwn · 06/05/2018 19:07

Soubriquet

No, I don't, but I offer something when I can. If directly asked, I wouldn't refuse.

Pengggwn · 06/05/2018 19:08

BoneyBackJefferson

No, it is about someone with a physical disability being ignored when they asked for a seat.

MrMeSeeks · 06/05/2018 19:16

Oh so you another one of these selfish idiots who doesn't understand what a quiet coach is.
So what is the problem? If no’one can hear the music what is the actual problem? Or is it just another thing to complain about?

HermesAndPinot · 06/05/2018 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pengggwn · 06/05/2018 19:19

am all for helping out a person in need. But where does it end?? The girl had reserved a seat. Why on earth should she relinquish that!!

Because - like you just said - the other person was in need? So, in reality, you're not 'all for it', then?

isadoradancing123 · 06/05/2018 19:35

She probably choose your daughter because she is young and thought she could bully her

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