I think my friend should pay, she thinks we should split it?

[Welshgal1]

Driving a friend 4 hours away for an operation (cosmetic) and will use 2 full tanks of fuel in my car, cost of a hotel, food while I'm there and I'm using a days annual leave.
She wants to split all costs down the middle, whereas I think I'm using my holiday entitlement and 2 days of my time (which I am more than happy to give up) but don't think I should be paying for fuel, or for the hotel? I've said I'll pay for all my own food.
Her logic is we're both going so why should only she pay, she's already paying lots for surgery.
My logic is I wouldn't be going if it wasn't to do her a favour so don't see it fair to split costs.
Whats the right thing to do here? Don't want to be mean but trying to be fair...

Oh dear, OP. I don't think arguing about who's spending their money better, and where it's come from, is a great idea.

But anyway. She's still a CF and she doesn't deserve your support.

don't back down either.you well within your rights.your giving your support with time effort and the actual driving her and being there.
her replys were snarky and really mean.
are you very close?

Don't back down and take her. Just don't.

Well until the updates I was thinking you could offer just to pick her up-she can make her own way there before the surgery, and no need for you to hang around in London for a couple of days, but that would save her using public transport afterwards.. but now I’d just decline altogether.

She not having a breakdown. She's a cunt and no friend of yours. Cut ties with her op, you won't win this argument, she's too mean and selfish to see anyone else's point.

And I don't use the c word lightly.

Cheesiest of the CFs... she pays or you don't go full stop.
Even if it were necessary surgery I'd expect her to pay (sounds necessary to her so no judgement)..

I don't think you did yourself any favours in the last sentence of that message. No need to get into an argument about whose use of money is better than the other person's.

The point is that you are only going as a favour to her. You are willing to give your time, but you aren't going to pay for the chance to do her a favour. That is all you need to say.

Haha cheekiest not cheesiest

Whyyyyy are you continuing to engage with this person?

Just stop.

She sounds dangerously unhinged

I wouldn't go now regardless of whether she finally caves in and pays up.
CF of the highest order and to consider herself your friend whilst treating you like this is quite frankly deluded. Friends don't behave like that.
Ditch her

Don't get into arguments about the rights and wrongs
just say you can't do it

I replied

Don't reply

Narcissists love the power. Don't give her any.

"But tbh it would probably be cheaper for her to get a taxi home than pay for 2 tanks of fuel and your hotel room."

Am amazed by posters thinking it would be cheaper for the friend to take the train to London and get a taxi back. A train, London to Wales (for example) then a taxi back would cost the friend the best part of £500.

Stop explaining. Don’t engage any further other than stating your facts. If that doesn’t work, back out of it.

You’ve already told her what you’re prepared to do. End of story. Either she accepts that or doesn’t. She needs to stop whining. Jeez she’s lucky you’re prepared to help at all! 2 days holidays! She sounds a little entitled.

Perhaps she could get a gofundme thing?
she might find people who will be willing to chip in there...

She’s not having a breakdown she’s using the toddler technique of getting what she wants. Strop, sulk, plead.

It doesn’t work when they’re two let alone 25

Enjoy the baby dance!! Do not take her. She’s a cheeky fucker and in her anger she’s shown you what she really thinks of you

The offer of your time and company is very generous. It shouldn't leave her to think that you should pay for the privilege of taking her!

I don't think going further is going to help.this Is an irrational argument she started to have and your bitting back will only lead to emotive responsive that will spiral for the both of you and take you away from the very thing yu began the dispute over!
and then one lost word or sentence and u might say somrthing you cant take back.
state your answer.yes or no,what your prepared to do then leave it at that telling her to let you know when she decides what she wants to do.
and then if she does reach out for help just forget about all this.dont grudge then on eahother or bring it up.

I don’t normally comment in these type of threads but, WTF??? Please realise she’s not a good friend at all, has treated you appallingly and doesn’t deserve any more of your time.

I thought banks had clamped down on lending money for things for which the borrower can't offer collateral.

THIRTEEN GRAND for her vanity. Stand by in a couple of years for the thread in which she asks people to chip in so she can have her "dream wedding".

what's she having done OP? If its abdominal or chest surgery she may be more comfortable on the train as she won't have discomfort from the seat belt to worry about.
You can always offer to drive her and then pick her back up from the station.

That couple of hundred pounds (and the rest!) will be another week at home with your baby, when you have it.

Is she a bit of a selfie-girl, this one? A pouter?

I cannot believe the cheek of this 'friend'!

If she'd backed down straight away and seen it from your side fair enough but she's being an utter arse to OP.

I'd be cancelling my part in the trip and rethinking the friendship!

I do love the phrase "jog on", so useful!

I'm dying to know what type of procedure...