I think my friend should pay, she thinks we should split it?

[Welshgal1]

Driving a friend 4 hours away for an operation (cosmetic) and will use 2 full tanks of fuel in my car, cost of a hotel, food while I'm there and I'm using a days annual leave.
She wants to split all costs down the middle, whereas I think I'm using my holiday entitlement and 2 days of my time (which I am more than happy to give up) but don't think I should be paying for fuel, or for the hotel? I've said I'll pay for all my own food.
Her logic is we're both going so why should only she pay, she's already paying lots for surgery.
My logic is I wouldn't be going if it wasn't to do her a favour so don't see it fair to split costs.
Whats the right thing to do here? Don't want to be mean but trying to be fair...

OP - sorry your friend doesn’t appreciate you and your generous offer of help.

Though I don’t agree with Devilish - ie reimbursing a friend for visiting her son in hospital. There is no I would take money from a friend for visiting her child

Wow what a cf - if you were my friend I would be so grateful that I would be paying for all your food etc as well.

Shocked and appalled on your behalf

Amongst everything else she is also not compensating you for missing an ovulation day which are the most precious days when ttc, but also using 2 precious days of annual leave.

If you do concieve believe me you will want those 2 days either to test when in 3rd trimester or to finish before your due date and not waste precious maternity leave on sitting around resting.

She needs to do one and realise how lucky she is to have a friend like You!

Your friend is a CF. Her expectations are shocking!

She asked you for the favour, it wasn't as if you generously offered when you realised her travel plans.
The Operation isn't a medical necessity.
She's happy to borrow £13k, and also to let you cover her travel costs.
She knew it was costing you precious annual leave.
Now she's being whingey and bitchy in her texts to you.

You've lost a friendship, but I think you know how fortunate you are to have her out of your life!

So I received texts saying

"Please get off your high horse."

"I know you're looking down on me for having surgery but most 25yos want to spend money being selfish rather than on nappies. You're not better than me!"

"A true friend wouldn't let me do this alone"

And now..

"Please Hun, just chip in what you can. Forget this I'm just upset. I need your help xx"

.. is she having a breakdown?

Fucking hell, that's some brass neck! What have you said to her? Feck off, I hope.

My money's on her having a boob job.

A reduction perhaps, seeing as she's a massive tit.

"Her logic is we're both going so why should only she pay"

Tell her to try that argument in the next taxi she takes.

x-posts.

is she having a breakdown?
Possibly. Or just realising that you won't be pushed around and taken advantage of any more.

is she having a breakdown?

No, she’s utterly furious that you’ve found your backbone and are not going to put up with being treated like shite by a so called friend.

Ask her whether the words 'heartfelt' and 'apology' feature in her vocabulary. Dear me.

Also, what is the procedure. Please tell me it's buttock implants, because she's such an arse.

Look, just reply and say:

I'm not looking down on you, I'm happy to drive you and support you, but I just don't have the money to spend. I can chip in for food, but I can't afford the hotel and fuel. I'm upset you think my savings are less important than what you want - that is a bit selfish, to be honest. When you've had a think about how you want to do this, let me know and we can talk then.

"she has resorted to being plain nasty with the texts I'm currently receiving! Made my decision a lot easier."
Block her and forget about her. Not a friend.

What a bitch! How dare she be so rude when you're doing her a favour. I would be giving her a piece of my mind. Telling her she how ungrateful she is. Wow... I don't know how people can act that way... X

Sounds like she has got herself in a right state.
Can you meet up face to face instead of doing this by text?

I do think she is being a c.f.. do you think she is having doubts about spending 13k on surgery?
God, she could nearly put a deposit on a house with that!
Going to take her a long time to pay it back

"Please get off your high horse." Insulting.

"I know you're looking down on me for having surgery but most 25yos want to spend money being selfish rather than on nappies. You're not better than me!" Petulant, selfish, childish and self-centred.

"A true friend wouldn't let me do this alone" It's not as if she's having brain surgery, is it? It's an elective cosmetic operation she can't actually afford and for which there is in need.

"Please Hun, just chip in what you can. Forget this I'm just upset. I need your help xx" No, she doesn't - if she can't afford to pay for it, she has no place expecting a friend (whom she has insulted earlier) to pay.

please hun, just chip in what you can

Fuck. Right. Off.

OP you’d better ditch this ‘friend’ or I’ll be seriously pissed off with you

I wouldn't go out of spite now even if she pays for everything!

Tell her thanks but no thanks
fuck the fuck off

I replied saying

"I do not think I'm better of you. I voiced my concerns about these operations when you first mentioned them, you know my opinion but that's not what matters if they are what you want. I was more than happy to help, with my time and efforts, but not at a cost. I do not think my money is more important than yours, but there's a difference between you spending tens of thousands of the banks money, and getting yourself in debt, and me saving my money, that I've worked hard for, to start a family."

This is beyond outing I'm just relying heavily on the fact she wouldn't even know what mumsnet is.

If she's already taking out a loan for nearly £13k then she might as well borrow the full £13k to cover your expenses - I mean what's a couple of hundred extra?

id say I will be there for you hence I offered to drive.but this is for you so I shant be paying for it.
ive given lifts to the airports etc and have gone half in fuel because yes some of my gesture is giving the lift. but hotel food etc and all else id deff expet them to pay...I think

Honestly, Welsh, STOP engaging with her. In fact, block. She's only backtracking now because she knows she can't fuck you over. If you can't block then send her one more. 'Wow, your true colours have emerged. No chance I'm taking you. You have no one else because you're an entitled, rude, narcissist piece of work. Later!' and then block. Some friend!

How cheeky..I do wonder how some people get the nerve

Of course she should pay.

Sounds like she is very used to getting her own way.
It there normally a bit of a power imbalance in your friendship? And she us surprised that it's not just all about her for once?

Perfect response @Welshgal1