I think my friend should pay, she thinks we should split it?

[Welshgal1]

Driving a friend 4 hours away for an operation (cosmetic) and will use 2 full tanks of fuel in my car, cost of a hotel, food while I'm there and I'm using a days annual leave.
She wants to split all costs down the middle, whereas I think I'm using my holiday entitlement and 2 days of my time (which I am more than happy to give up) but don't think I should be paying for fuel, or for the hotel? I've said I'll pay for all my own food.
Her logic is we're both going so why should only she pay, she's already paying lots for surgery.
My logic is I wouldn't be going if it wasn't to do her a favour so don't see it fair to split costs.
Whats the right thing to do here? Don't want to be mean but trying to be fair...

OP, I think there must be some backstory here that you're not telling us about?

Just saw your update. Yes stay home and have sex instead.

She’s a taker and an exploiter of others’ good nature and she doesn’t deserve to have you as a friend.

@ohfortuna No? What makes you think that? X

Actually, just say to her:

I know it's costing you loads and you've taken out a massive loan, so a couple of hundred quid probably seems like not much to you. But it's loads of money to me and I don't have it spare. So if you want to pay for the hotel and fuel of course I'll help you with my time and by driving. Up to you?

I would reply... "you've taken out loans for £13K, and you should have factored in hotel costs and petrol for us! If you're not happy with that, why not pay for a hotel for a couple of nights for yourself plus the train back? Either way, you should have thought of this"

Your budget, whether you have millions in the bank or £2.50, is none of her business. If you did have £2.50, would she offer to pay? Thought not.

Glad to hear you're staying home - if you get pregnant, will you name the baby after her......?

I'm normally quite quiet, and a bit of a pushover. However I'm feeling empowered from all the people on here pointing out how rude she's being and not backing down.. she has resorted to being plain nasty with the texts I'm currently receiving! Made my decision a lot easier.

I was with you all the way until you used the expression 'baby dance'

Unless there's a huge backstory, your friend's cheek and sense of entitlement is astonishing. She should be falling over herself with gratitude for your willingness to give up your time and leave. I'd remind her that you are being generous enough with those and rfuse to be significantly out of pocket too.

is anyone else dying to know what cosmetic procedure it is..

Stay home and baby dance, you don't owe her! Much more fun

Wow!

She has a strange grabby sense of entitlement to your money, that's obvious. Just, wow.

She's not your friend.

Either she pays, or you don’t go!

"I offered to come purely to support you, it's not a mini break. I just can't afford it as well as losing a day's pay. "

But maybe you know better to talk than text.

Also if it's peak fertility time it's another valid reason not to be away for 2 days.

@Welshgal, well my guess is that she feels that you are in her debt (I'm not saying that she is justified
!) but I can't help wondering why she feels entitled to ask for this favour....

Please, please, please don’t pay. This is one of the most CF posts I’ve ever read. You did an incredibly kind thing to take time off to look after a friend and now they are asking for money??!
This is not a way to treat a friend. She’s being completely and utterly unreasonable.

Just tell her you can’t afford it and that maybe it is best she takes public transport.

So she wants you to do something for her and her way of achieving this is by sending you abusive texts??

I'm very confused

Has the passive-aggressive 'you find out who your friends are' vaguebooking started yet...?

Reminds me of the time l offered to give a workmate a lift home after work when our shifts coincided, so at least three days a week. Don't get me wrong l didn't expect petrol money and l was going her way anyway etc. and saved her walking to the bus stop (at night sometimes) and/or waiting in the rain /bus not turning up/carrying any shopping she had.
What l didn't expect was first time she got in the car she made the anouncment that l wasn't to expect petrol money as she got a bus pass and so l wasn't saving her anything.
I swapped shifts with someone which put hers and mine out of sync.
Please do not relent, she is not a mate she is a user.

she has resorted to being plain nasty with the texts I'm currently receiving!

A PP said that her attitude probably explains why there's "no on else" to help her

They were right

Good for you for standing up for yourself. The reason why cf get away with it for so looks is because they rely on people not calling them out on their behaviour.

Maybe she's panicking a bit at the prospective Major surgery and the amount of dead she's got herself into and just not being rational?

Wow what a c.f. she is. Defo should be paying for everything. The nerve of some people never ceases to amaze me! Stick to your guns she pays or she goes on her own. It's not your problem how much debt she got herself into.

What were you expected to do while she had the surgery exactly?!

Her 100%.