I think my friend should pay, she thinks we should split it?

[Welshgal1]

Driving a friend 4 hours away for an operation (cosmetic) and will use 2 full tanks of fuel in my car, cost of a hotel, food while I'm there and I'm using a days annual leave.
She wants to split all costs down the middle, whereas I think I'm using my holiday entitlement and 2 days of my time (which I am more than happy to give up) but don't think I should be paying for fuel, or for the hotel? I've said I'll pay for all my own food.
Her logic is we're both going so why should only she pay, she's already paying lots for surgery.
My logic is I wouldn't be going if it wasn't to do her a favour so don't see it fair to split costs.
Whats the right thing to do here? Don't want to be mean but trying to be fair...

Wow! Any update over night OP? She is really pushing her luck and I would just tell her that she needs to do this alone now, I can't imagine the atmosphere being the best. Sounds like she miscalculated how much she needs and now hasn't enough so it relying on you to bail her out. Not acceptable at all.

Wait, have I read something wrong here? She was happy to go alone on public transport and the op OFFERED to drive her. No one thought to discuss the money situation but the CF is expected to pay for everything even though she wasn’t the one to ask the op to come along? Yes the texts seem crazy but mayb enow she hasn’t got the money for the train or they are too expensive at such short notice. I don’t think she is solely in the wrong here. Low blow about the baby comment but so was yours about saving etc.

OP said that boob-job friend asked her

She asked me to do it, and said her only other option is public transport. She was concerned about doing that and so was I, I agreed so that she wouldn't put herself at risk

I hope op is to busy baby dancing to reply & Not spending her day in a hotel with a recovering diva 💁‍♀️

So glad you’re staying strong OP

I’ve read back and the op says “I’m extremely concerned at her using public transport after surgery so said I’ll drive.” That to me means she offered. If you offer then surely your splitting costs right? Her friends attitude in texts etc afterwards sound a bit off but probably depserarion mixed with anger. Can’t be good friends anyway because of how quickly it’s all blown up and such lack of planning and discussion. Both assumed differently and then when it’s too late to do anything they have finally mentioned costs. It’s all silly really.

Did you get any more shitty messages OP?

How about the previous paragraph Quack ?

I originally was going to say no, because I don't want to be on my own in London for 2 days (I don't do crowds, especially on my own and I've never been a city person) but she had no one else and was going to get public transport.

....To repeat, "I originally was going to say no... "

So, that OP was asked by the CF first, thought about saying No but then didn't because she is a nice and considerate person

That is not the OP spontaneously volunteering to drive and have a nice jolly in the city - in fact, she specifically says it's not something she'd enjoy.

Welshgal1 - YANBU (in fact, YAVDNBU ). Hope you have a lovely time TTC instead

I think your former friend has become so self-obsessed that she has lost all perspective. She may in years to come look back and at herself - but there again perhaps not

So the op changed what she said. Ok then.

No she didn't "change what she said".

In her OP, she says "My logic is I wouldn't be going if it wasn't to do her a favour so don't see it fair to split costs." and makes no reference whatsoever to having made the initial offer - she just describes the costs involved, that she was also using up a day's leave and the costs involved and merely asked if she was being unreasonable to be shocked at her friend to be expecting her to share the costs, since she wanted to be fair.

The paragraph I quoted was only her 2nd post - so pray tell me, how can she have changed her story between her 1st post and the 2nd post?

Considering how difficult it is to get a loan these days based on affordability I am guessing she has either used a loan shark or is unwilling to pay for extra costs she could probably meet.
OP you are lovely for offering, the fact that no one else has suggests she has form. Just a quick text, 'I was willing to help because I am a nice person. I am not however a mug so offer withdrawn'.
Enjoy making a baby!

Ok, calm down.

NCJane Congestion charge is £11.50, not £20. Parking more of an issue unless the hotel has free one, which in Central London hotels tend not to.

Oh, OP, you could pay half of the surgery as well since you'll soon have a model friend...I can't believe how tight you are...😁 obviously joking. She seems unhinged (nice
way to put it). I hope you re not going.

If the main problem is transport after surgery, OP could have just picked her up from the hotel afterwards. Expecting someone to pay to nurse you in a hotel is over the top unless they are a very close family/friend. If you usually just go out to have fun together, this is hardly going to be the same. If she has contributed significant time and money towards things you want to do in the past, then maybe you are being unreasonable.

How are things now OP?

I can see her logic, you get a 2 day break away and you didn't have to agree to take her. Id say pay 1/3 and she pays the rest

can see her logic, you get a 2 day break away and you didn't have to agree to take her. Id say pay 1/3 and she pays the rest

Surely, this has got to be a joke... stay at home, pick your own time to have a holiday, don't waste your time helping this users. Sigh.

She gets a 2 day break away, on her own because the "friend" will be undergoing her operations , in a city where she doesn't feel comfortable, to do a favour for a "friend" and should pay for the privilege? She'd already said she'd pay for her food.

And you're right: she didn't need to agree to take her. Which is why she's no longer doing so.

Doh is the mate. It's not a city break. It's to play nursemaid and ferry the friend around and pay for it. Thankfully the OP has noped out of it.

Doh is anything but a 'mate' lol. Piss taking cow.

Oh, OP, you could pay half of the surgery as well since you'll soon have a model friend...I can't believe how tight you are...😁 obviously joking. She seems unhinged (nice
way to put it). I hope you re not going.

NCJane Congestion charge is £11.50, not £20.

That's £11.50 daily. They'd be there for two days.

I've been pondering Doh's "logic" and still failing to see it

So, a friend wants you to do them a favour. It involves you taking a day's holiday, plus c500-800 miles in your own car, going to a place you don't particularly want to go to, kicking your heels for 2 days while the friend undergoes her operations (and may involve you looking after them in the hotel, before they're in a fit state to travel). According to doh , that is a 2 day break away and you should pay 1/3 of the cost for having that "break"

That's not even taking into account depreciation on your car (can't remember the exact figures, but the Inland Revenue allows something like 12p/mile for petrol costs, where the company is already paying towards the car, but something like 48p per mile if you use a personal car for business use to include depreciation costs) but the OP was being nice and only thinking of the petrol costs and nurse maid for your friend (so even if you wanted to have a look around the city which you don't you wouldn't be able to).

No friend of mine would expect me to pay 1/3 of the cost for that. They'd even pay for my food, because, as a true non CF friend, they recognise that I'm doing them a favour.

They definitely wouldn't then send stroppy texts saying that my savings weren't needed because I wasn't pregnant yet

Also, is cf going to be able to wear a seat belt for circa 4 hours after having major surgery on her chest? My sil had a boob job and wasn't able to travel in a car for over a week as she was too sore.

Surely she's going to need to be in London for more than two days.