Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think my friend should pay, she thinks we should split it?

999 replies

Welshgal1 · 05/05/2018 12:11

Driving a friend 4 hours away for an operation (cosmetic) and will use 2 full tanks of fuel in my car, cost of a hotel, food while I'm there and I'm using a days annual leave.
She wants to split all costs down the middle, whereas I think I'm using my holiday entitlement and 2 days of my time (which I am more than happy to give up) but don't think I should be paying for fuel, or for the hotel? I've said I'll pay for all my own food.
Her logic is we're both going so why should only she pay, she's already paying lots for surgery.
My logic is I wouldn't be going if it wasn't to do her a favour so don't see it fair to split costs.
Whats the right thing to do here? Don't want to be mean but trying to be fair...

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
PleaseAndThanks · 06/05/2018 04:39

She is a big time CF! I had a friend do similar for me when I went for essential gynae surgery and obviously covered hotel and food. I offered petrol but she wouldn’t take it. (Said friend was not working so did not need AL either). I can’t believe she expects you to pay half!!!

NewPapaGuinea · 06/05/2018 05:36

If she was getting public transport there then she’d need to fund that and a hotel herself anyway. What you’re providing and benefiting her is a more convenient and comfortable journey and company. She should be bending over backwards with gratitude.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 06/05/2018 06:13

Haven't seen an update but I hope you're not going with her anymore. She doesn't sound like the sort of friend you need in your life.

happysnappysandwich · 06/05/2018 06:47

I'd offer to break her nose for her. They can reset it with the hard bit done already, that will surely save her enough money to pay for your costs?

Honestly I'm mouth open at the cheeky fuckery of this woman. She is no friend OP, stop caring about the surgery or how she gets herself home.

Whereismumhiding2 · 06/05/2018 06:48

Glad you're not going OP. Ooh two days off instead trying for a baby!! You'll be so relaxed! Enjoy Wink Serendipity.

Secondly, don't worry about losing friend/acquaintanceship. The only way to make this a tolerable friendship for future is to draw a clear line now & stick to it.

She'll rail and manipulate, but ultimately when all dies down, she will respect that you drew that line. And it is best chance she'll change this aspect.

It wasn't just the CF, it was those nasty (& then manipulative) texts she sent.

If you let her 'persuade' you in the end into still going ,(bet it's pleading & debating stage now) , then she'll repeat this behaviour when it suits her. As it works.

Never let someone disrespect you like this.
Consequence is that you withdrew your kind offer.

Don't engage in debating with her!! Your rule, your line she crossed. If you are having a family, you'll need to start doing this now or you'll have a miserable time with others taking advantage and putting your DC out, not just you!

QuoadUltra · 06/05/2018 06:57

OP, I am so pleased for you that you are getting your time/annual leave back.

Friends are important and I would do driving/staying over for my friend. But the cost thing - she is just too entitled.

lunar1 · 06/05/2018 06:59

If you were driving all that way I'd be paying every penny plus your food. And there would without question be a lovely gift waiting when you got home.

Whereismumhiding2 · 06/05/2018 07:21

If she hates on you/ tells nasty stories about you to others when you stick to it, stay dignified and quietly tell of your kind offer, her ingratitude, and her nasty texts. (Not on FB mind!! 'Thats not the whole story, I withdrew my kind offer because of your behaviour and this is not the right forum to share that' is the most I'd say if pushed on social media if she named me) You'll gain everyone's respect and she'll lose it. As people will be equally outraged for you - (100% MNs have, which is unusual for MN!! )

It was the vile texts afterwards showing how little she cares for you & your lifeplans that tipped it into a total withdraw offer for me.

So let it be her choice as a 26 y.o. adult how she plays it from this point. She'll survive, she's old enough adult to arrange this surgery and loans, ergo she's big enough to sort out her own /alternative arrangements now she's blown up your offer.

snewname · 06/05/2018 07:43

I'm not paying for the pleasure of doing you a favour.

sleepxxx · 06/05/2018 08:10

Petrol she should pay for,as for the hotel it would be the same price if she was staying by herself so also that.

I do t agree that you should go down to collect her when she's ready to come home as that would involve a 8 hour drive and in between faffing and that's too much!

I think you should just tell her that you want to support her but don't feel like you should pay to do so.

She's your friend she should understand,I personally don't think she was taking the piss just trying to save costs. Hopefully without actually realising this isn't your ideal time away from work and it's to only benefit her.

But if she has a habit of this thing then just say thanks but no thanks lol

billybagpuss · 06/05/2018 08:17

How did you leave it with her last night OP. I take it you're not going to do it?

sleepxxx · 06/05/2018 08:45

Just read the whole thread. Don't let her put you down you sound like a great friend you've done nothing g wrong wanting to keep your own money for things YOU would get pleasure from.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/05/2018 08:50

This is CF of the year, part of the costs of her proceedure should be paying you for petrol there and back, and for a cheap hotel, such as Travelodge at the minimum. You have already done her a huge favour using up your annual leave, and driving her there and back, so she does not have to use public transport, and this is the way she treats you. Just tell her that it's off. I don't think she would do the same for you, does not seem like the type. What you are doing, is all for her, there is nothing for you, its not like a holiday or a weekend break.

pepperpot99 · 06/05/2018 09:04

"it's not as if you are pregnant" - this comment alone, to a friend who was ttc, would be sufficient for me to sever all relations. What an absolutely selfish mare. You need to bin her off, OP.

Cupoteap · 06/05/2018 09:12

Well there is no recovery from this is there

ZenNudist · 06/05/2018 09:27

Glad you arent going. She doesnt sound like someone who would stick around once you have dc anyway.

Appuskidu · 06/05/2018 09:51

I expect she’s banking on you being her nursemaid for her afterwards as well-she’ll be in a right old state from that much surgery-won’t be able to lift her arms, carry anything.

You’ll have to carry her bags, brush her hair, wipe her arse...!

Have you heard back from her since you’ve pulled out completely?

GabsAlot · 06/05/2018 10:32

when is this op-shes saying book it book what the hotel?

should have been sorted already or will cost a fortune-not factoring in the congestion charges and all parking costs

who does she think she is-i wouldnt dream of asking someone to pay for something that only benefited me

expatinscotland · 06/05/2018 10:42

As Hic points out, what will happen if she has complications? I once had my bladder fail to wake up after a longer op. I had to be catheterised twice before the waterworks got going again. Another time I had a regional block for knee surgery because my insurance were cheap bastards who would only pay for GA if there were no other option (common in the US) and got a spinal headache and had to have some other procedure to treat it. I can imagine in a private hospital all that will be charged as you go, it certainly was in the insurance system.

WheelyCote · 06/05/2018 10:44

She's trying it on

Aeroflotgirl · 06/05/2018 10:49

You are having to be more than £200 out of pocket and your time and energy on this CF, she does not sound like a good friend. I would only do this to a good friend who I know won't take the piss.

NCJaneDoeNut · 06/05/2018 10:52

Also, driving in London during the week can easily cost £50 per day (£20 congestion charge plus parking ).

Ask work to give you back the holiday if it is not too late. As pp said you will need it.

DGRossetti · 06/05/2018 11:09

.

stourton · 06/05/2018 11:17

Most cosmetic surgery places give you an option for a private taxi and hotel. She should use those if she thinks paying for you would have been expensive.

ohfortuna · 06/05/2018 11:29

Hurry up and come back and update us OP!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.