I think my friend should pay, she thinks we should split it?

[Welshgal1]

Driving a friend 4 hours away for an operation (cosmetic) and will use 2 full tanks of fuel in my car, cost of a hotel, food while I'm there and I'm using a days annual leave.
She wants to split all costs down the middle, whereas I think I'm using my holiday entitlement and 2 days of my time (which I am more than happy to give up) but don't think I should be paying for fuel, or for the hotel? I've said I'll pay for all my own food.
Her logic is we're both going so why should only she pay, she's already paying lots for surgery.
My logic is I wouldn't be going if it wasn't to do her a favour so don't see it fair to split costs.
Whats the right thing to do here? Don't want to be mean but trying to be fair...

Even if this woman was previously your best friend this is time to cut her loose. When you have children your time for friends gets quite precious and they really need to be worth it and she never well.

Please make sure she knows your agreement to her request for you to drive is withdrawn (even if she were to say she'd now cover costs).

Getting to and from the hospital is her problem not yours, train is not that expensive if she plans and books ahead.

Of course she should pay the entire transport and hotel costs. If she won't...then you should leave her to go alone.

She'll be fine. She just needs to wait till the tube is not overcrowded.

Personally if I was asking the favour...I'd pay for all your meals too. I don't see why you should be out of pocket like this.

'I'm very happy for you and I completely support your choices, I was happy to take you for the op and spend my time supporting you, I won't be paying my own money to do this though, it's really unfair if you to expect me to pay to help you. I therefore won't be driving you or coming with. I'm trying really hard to save up at the moment and can't afford to contribute towards your trip. I really hope it all goes well, and I'm happy to be around to help you out when you are recovering and perhaps bring you a meal or take you for a check up etc.'

Wow she really is very entitled CF, so you should give your time and money for free to her, I bet if the boot was on the other foot, she would not do it to you for free.

So £200 won't break the bank for you but it will for her? Wow. There's an often touted phrase on here that I love - when someone tells you who they are, listen. She is telling you loud and clear (through the medium of text tantrums) who she is. Run a mile.

Yes to @bonnyshide 's response. You might feel dread sending it but you will feel SO much better once it's done! You have great life plans and a sensible approach to saving and building towards them. Someone like her does not belong in your future and in your future baby's life. Good luck. Xx

She pays all or you don’t go

She’s shown her true colours. I wouldn’t take her now, at all, irrespective of the expenses.

I’d text her ‘It’s a shame you didn’t appreciate the help I was offering you - taking a day off work and driving you there & back. You’ve shown me what you really think of me & there’s no going back from that, at all’

Oh are doing her a massive favour and she should pay for it all. Why isn't she getting a train there and then maybe you can just collect her the day after?

You are*

It's her problem not yours, she booked the surgery knowing she had now way to get there and back. She wouldn't normally be allowed to leave the hospital on her own plus add in the travel etc. She knows this and also is aware that she had to pay for a hotel room close to the hospital. She knew this when the presented you with her problem and didn't mention costs because she had every intention of making you pay half. This is her issue, she sound very entitled and self centred.

Don't back down unless she pays for everything including food because she has been such a necky mare!

What bonnyside said apart from last few lines. She is not behaving well.

@Liz
Thank you - going back to look (had tried to put on a post)
@Smedmum
I'm told that thread is still there.

@Otterseatpuffinsdontthey thanks!

That was a narcissist rage OP.

She should be paying for everything as it's a favour.
It's costing you time and money to do her a favour.
I'm shocked she would even suggest splitting.

I don't think you should take her now, OP even if she backs down and offers to pay all your expenses as she's shown her true colours and it would just be too awkward. She'll spend the whole time seething with resentment that she didn't get her way and had to spend the money. You'll spend the whole time seething with resentment about having to miss your ovulation day and use up annual leave for someone who, as it turns out, isn't really your friend.

Don't get into anymore text conversations about who is spending their money more wisely, you're TTC Vs her surgery, her being in debt vs your saving money etc as it will just add fuel to the fire.

I would simply send her a final text making it crystal clear that you are now withdrawing your offer and then ignore the barrage of abuse that will inevitably follow.

By ignore I mean post it here so we can all continue to marvel at her cheeky fuckery obviously, but just don't reply

Of course it's entirely up to free end what she spends her money on. And it's entirely up to OP what she spends her money on.

Why on earth friend thinks she gets to dictate is beyond me.

Possibly the last few lines were a bit generous...I was trying to convey that
OP Is reasonable and a good friend and would help under normal circumstances but not the pisstake that paying for a trip would entail.

Say upfront.' There appears to be a misunderstanding here. I am happy to take the time off and do you a favour as a friend but I am not,prepared to put myself out of pocket to do it. I quite understand if this means you want to go back to your original plan.'

OP you sound like a nice person, but sometimes people take advantage of nice people. Even if she apologises or guilt trip you 10,000x, DUMP HER. What a selfish bitch and she's never a friend in the first place. She was at most your hang out buddy.

Ask yourself what you want from your friendship now and think about it before you reply.

ask her why you should pay towards her surgery? will she pay towards your baby equipment? makes no sense!!