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Original poster

Tracking DP on phone

451 replies

damekindness · 04/05/2018 23:10

I was talking to some work colleagues today and it came up in conversation that they got their OH to turn on their 'share location' on their mobiles so they could see where they were. Apparently it's useful to know so they can get the dinner on the table ready for them Hmm

Aside from the whole being a domestic dinner slave issue, I think asking your OH to share their location so they can be tracked is a massive invasion of privacy. However the counter argument was that if they didn't have anything to hide they shouldn't mind....

OP posts:
Molly499 · 05/05/2018 04:35

Ajas it didn't matter if he wanted to be contacted after his meeting, he NEEDED to be contacted, it was important.

I don't get the issues with trust here, it's nothing to do with trust at all, it's for practical/safety reasons not for spying.

TheDowagerCuntess · 05/05/2018 04:38

I used to think this was a weird thing to do - and still have no need or want to do it with DH - but I can see how some people might for it useful for their family life.

DH is usually home around the same time most evenings, so that's not an issue for us. I can see if your family has a less predictable evening routine, this could be useful. Or if they have a hobby that could see them dead in a ditch on a Saturday afternoon, it could be reassuring.

In fact ... maybe I should set it up on mine, for my early morning (read: darkness) runs. 🤔

However, when DC get their own phones and start going out and about independently, this sounds like an amazing idea.

Laserbird16 · 05/05/2018 04:54

DH and I share our locations- I think of it like the maurader's map in Harry Potter. It is useful as I often meet him at the train station with DD but sometimes she gets distracted by the park. I suppose if you find it distasteful, don't do it?

ThriftyMcThrifty · 05/05/2018 05:03

I don’t think it’s weird, but then again I’ve never had an abusive partner, if I had I might see it differently. I do see how it could be abused. However I love this app, when my husband is working he can’t answer his phone, but it’s so useful to see where he is, he doesn’t have a desk job. Sometimes I check and he’s a good five hours away (prob not going to be home to cook me dinner!).

NerrSnerr · 05/05/2018 06:14

I can see how it can be useful but also can see how it could make people susceptible to anxiety worse.

I just don't care where my husband is at any given time enough to want to use. If stuck in traffic we'll call on hands free. I don't see why exact location is needed, if something bad happens you'll find out soon enough.

SilentBob · 05/05/2018 06:21

I share my location happily with my partner.

I've moved to his home city and I don't know my way around. After the last time of going the wrong way down the motorway ending in a kfc car park in absolute floods of tears (a particular low point- bad day etc) I turned it on so he could tell me where the fuck i was. I've never turned it back off. I don't give it a second thought say to day tbh. To each their own.

Oh, and neither of us has dinner ready for the other or puts the kettle on because we've checked the location of the other.

RhurbabAndCustard · 05/05/2018 06:27

We and our DS all share our location on find friends. We can see when DS has got to school and home safely. I have nothing to hide so don't care if DH and DS know where I am

rwalker · 05/05/2018 06:34

it's a personal thing but i find it very invasive and wouldn't do it nothing to hide but I respect other half's space and privacy.

Pinkprincess1978 · 05/05/2018 06:43

Both my DH and I track each other. We both use it to be able to judge making tea or just to guess how long till they/kids get home. It's not an invasion of privacy at all. We are married and voluntarily share this function on our phone 😏

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/05/2018 06:44

It’s certainly something that can be used to further try and control someone

They whole tracking people’s whereabouts is part of the culture that is designed to keep us bombarded with information that ^might be of useu it’s not something I feel comfortable with at all

Mousefunky · 05/05/2018 06:45

I know a former couple (note the former) who set up the find my friends on their iPhones so they could see where the other one was at all times. Creepy as hell. They didn’t last long...

resignedtoresigning · 05/05/2018 06:48

We have it mainly because DH travels for work, I never use it unless I need to check how far away from home he is or if he's got somewhere safely (he's rubbish at remembering to text me and sometimes he gets there in the middle of the night so I can just look quickly when I wake up and see that he's arrived where he's supposed to be). I don't go very far so I can't imagine he checks on me much at all

Pinkprincess1978 · 05/05/2018 06:50

I also find it useful to know if DH is home when I get in so I know whether to park the car in front of the garage or leave it out so he can park his car or if I can see he is close enough I just wait in my car until he is home and park after him. Can't call him as he has a routine when he gets in and phone is usually left in living room while he gets on with it.

I didn't check last night as we had spoken at some point after him getting the DC so I assumed he would be home before me and I was just getting to gate when he arrived and I had to go back and move my car for him 😂

FatBottomedGal · 05/05/2018 06:51

I share my location with my DP as well as a bunch of my friends. There’s nothing sinister behind it at all, as other posters have said it’s useful for knowing when someone is back/ knowing when they’ve got somewhere safely.

Totally agree that making someone share their location is wrong, as well as anyone who uses it to control another person or question their whereabouts.

KathyBeale · 05/05/2018 06:55

I just discovered we have this as we have family sharing. I quite like it for practical reasons - i’m another one who is married to a cyclist so if he takes longer than usual getting home I can check he is still moving.

Last night my husband and son were at football until late and I checked where they were on the motorway before I went to sleep.

I’ve never tried to zoom in on the map but I don’t think you can see if they’ve gone into a shop or whatever.

My husband could track me too if he was so inclined, but I never go anywhere.

resignedtoresigning · 05/05/2018 06:58

I just remembered we talked about this at work the other day. My female work colleague was jealous that I could 'stalk' DH whenever I wanted (The conversation started because shed asked her boyfriend to switch it on on his phone and he'd refused and it had caused a row, but given she used the word stalk I can well see why he'd say No!). My male colleague was horrified and said 'but then the wife would know where I am and I'm not always where I say I am'.

I'd rather be in my relationship where we don't care if each other knows where we are because we have absolutely nothing to hide, rather than in one where one party wants to stalk the other one or conceal their whereabouts!

Ohyesiam · 05/05/2018 07:01

No. I’d hate that.
I was brought up by a very controlling mother, and that is not what love and intimacy mean to me now.
I like to slip silently through the world and not incur questioning about my reasons for being anywhere.

The pp who shares this info with her family sounds like it is right for her, and I get that, but it could never work for me.

EdWinchester · 05/05/2018 07:07

All of my family have ‘Find Friends’ on our phones.

It’s really useful, but then we’re not paranoid about stalking and have nothing to hide.

Roussette · 05/05/2018 07:09

Why would you be sharing your location with friends? Can't imagine what use it would be for my friends to know where I am.

I get how it might work for family life but on principle I could not stand it. To feel like my DH was tracking me is so off. I would find it unbelievably intrusive and there will be someone on this thread here who won't admit it, but they will be using it to track their DH and make sure he is where he's supposed to be. Or someone's DH will be making sure his DW is at home like she says or whatever.

I've never wanted to track my DCs (adults now), we relied on trust, talking, texts etc. We may as well implant a tracker under our skin so everyone can be tracked, it's all very big brother.

FoxySamanthaPetersonTheCat · 05/05/2018 07:09

Mr Lycett killed me in a sacrifice to the gods bananas so damn right I still haunt his office now! Also he’s an absolute lad so I do it for fun too Wink

Back on to the subject, I think DiegoMadonna makes an excellent point and it’s another reason I do not like it. I have the option to call, Skype, WhatsApp, text, send a fb message, gmail my partner. And him me. I think that’s plenty without being able to track every move he makes too. It’s bad enough that whatsapp and messenger tell you when someone was last on and if they’ve seen your message or not. These apps are all great in their own ways but so easy to use as a weapon against someone.

EstuaryBird · 05/05/2018 07:12

We don't track each other but we do track the car. He works in event security so can often be working late and a fair distance from home so I use it to check if he's on his way safely and whether it's worth waiting up to see him when he gets in.

He's the most trustworthy person I've ever known and been together 27 years - I just find it reassuring to know that he's on his way home. He checks occcasionally if I'm on a long journey for the same reason.

It's not spying or stalking, just reassurance.

Scrowy · 05/05/2018 07:17

If I could actually get my DP to agree to carry a phone in the first place we would probably use a tracking app.

He's a farmer and covers huge distances at all times of day on his own and the vast majority of the time no one has any idea where he is.

That's generally not a problem but there have been a few occasions where I've needed to know where he is pretty quickly (dogs worrying sheep, cows escaped) or he's been much later into the house than expected and I've no idea if he's just been held up lambing a sheep or calving a cow somewhere or if he is lying injured in a ditch under a quad bike.

Wish he would take his phone with him full stop as a starting point though!

ClaryFray · 05/05/2018 07:18

It's about consent. Is it works for them and their relationship great. No need for you to get your knickers in a bunch over it!

AlonsosLeftPinky · 05/05/2018 07:20

I think this is bloody horrid and one of the things I absolutely detest about the reliance we now have on smartphones.

I don't need or want to know my husband's whereabouts. If I need to know then he can tell me. We don't check in with each other constantly either by phone or text.

And I don't want anyone to be able to see where I am all the time. I value my privacy very highly.

I also choose to give as little information as possible to my smartphone because I don't particularly want a load of data about me amassed and sold so limit it to what I can't restrict myself, so I've never had location switched on.

ICantCopeAnymore · 05/05/2018 07:23

Oh fgs, yet another thread about this 🙄

It's only controlling if the relationship is controlling. It's only about not having trust if the relationship doesn't have trust.

We all have it in my household and love it. We also call it the Maurauders Map. We all trust each other, no one is controlling and it's been extremely useful for us.

I wonder when people on Mumsnet will finally realise that people live their lives in different ways? Confused

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