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AIBU?

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Original poster

Tracking DP on phone

451 replies

damekindness · 04/05/2018 23:10

I was talking to some work colleagues today and it came up in conversation that they got their OH to turn on their 'share location' on their mobiles so they could see where they were. Apparently it's useful to know so they can get the dinner on the table ready for them Hmm

Aside from the whole being a domestic dinner slave issue, I think asking your OH to share their location so they can be tracked is a massive invasion of privacy. However the counter argument was that if they didn't have anything to hide they shouldn't mind....

OP posts:
Feellikeaheffalump · 05/05/2018 00:57

I have this with several family members, it's very practical. People on here are awfully judgy.

PlatypusPie · 05/05/2018 01:04

So, for all the ‘ we have absolutely no trust issues, just use it to check when to put the kettle on ! ‘ is there not just the teeniest , barely acknowledged thought that this facility is a bit of a psychological magic handcuffs to deter off plan behaviour. ?

The DH who is supposed to be trimming off that dangerous abdominal fat won’t be nipping in to the shop for a quick chocolate bar or into the take away before coming home to a healthy meal ( as well )
No popping in for a quick pint and blaming the traffic for the delay in getting home to help with bathtime
No just diverting off into the park to take a moment to sit and stare at the ducks to decompress from a mad day at work
Certainly makes illicit trysts harder .........

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 05/05/2018 01:13

I feel as though I've had my eyes opened by this thread!

Mr. Bananas works nearly three hours away (2.5 with his driving) but is always getting caught up in traffic jams.

Its never once crossed my mind to lowjack his phone. To me this would just scream 'I dont trust you' and also, its a little bit creepy.

Practical or not, its a little odd.

itsallgravybaby · 05/05/2018 01:20

We use this all the time - when driving I obviously can't use the phone so he will check where I am when picking him up and vice versa

I use it if I forget he's in the office or working from home I can quickly glance in 10secs rather than disturb him

I have a few friends on there so we can see if one of us is on the way/how far/when to get the drinks in

There's no ulterior motive it's just practical and certainly not creepy! If someone's watching it 24/7 then it's different, using it this was isn't in any way creepy/stalkery/abusive etc

itsallgravybaby · 05/05/2018 01:25

Oh and if he was somewhere random like the park it wouldn't whip me into a frenzy - I trust him completely, it's not a way to catch him out!

AjasLipstick · 05/05/2018 01:26

It's weird.

I just text DH "How long till you're home today?" or he'll just phone me and say "I'll be home at about 5" or whatever.

DiegoMadonna · 05/05/2018 01:26

Even when it's not being used in a creepy way it's still a part of this huge issue of hyper-connectivity and dependence, which is something I really don't like.

E.g. if somebody says they'll pick me up at 6pm, I really don't need to track them by GPS to see how far away they are.

Molly499 · 05/05/2018 01:27

I really get the impression that the people who feel this is stalking are not familiar with the apps, it's just another bit of practical modern technology. As a family we all use find my friends and nobody has an issue with it, just depends on circumstances I guess. In its own way it's also non intrusive because it negates the need to call or text all of the time. Two examples of how we used it today -

  1. Dh was off site at a meeting, we work together and I needed to speak to him about a work issue, the app can be set so that it pings when he moves location therefore I knew exactly when his meeting had finished and I could call him.
  1. Two adult dc's travelling back from London this evening on different train routes with connections, hoping to end up at the same final station for a pick up that I needed to drive to, all three of us could see how each one was getting on and if our plan was going to work.

Used for practical reasons it's just not a big deal and definitely not stalking.

CadyHeron · 05/05/2018 01:32

E.g. if somebody says they'll pick me up at 6pm, I really don't need to track them by GPS to see how far away they are.

Exactly, why do you need to know?! They're picking you up at 6. If they were going to be late, they'd let you know. Don't need to brand and microchip them as well,you'll live not knowing how many minutes away exactly they are.....

MiddleClassProblem · 05/05/2018 01:36

For us it works really well and I feel safe if I’ve been out at night knowing he can check how my journey home is going. But we have other family members on there too, my brother has come to my rescue on a night out with it too. It’s useful when my parents are traveling to see us (and keep an eye on how long I have to laze before panic tidying).

The dinner on the table thing works well too especially when he used to commute on the motorway.

It also stops DD asking every 2 minutes when DH or I will be home and she can be given a suitable amount of time to hide and jump out at whomever is returning 🙄

Neither of us are suspicious. We mainly use it as a safety thing in regards to each other.

ShastaBeast · 05/05/2018 01:37

My DH insisted on it because he never remembered to text when he left. He’s the one collecting kids in the car after work. If I worry he’s not set off I can check and not rush off to do it myself. I don’t check that often and he’s not often doing anything exciting. He can disable it if he wants. It has weirded me out slightly when he’s looked at my location when I’m out, he asks me if I enjoyed x restaurant or bar. But nothing to hide - and if I did I can disable and claim it’s a glitch/no signal or get a second phone, not much of a deterrent.

MiddleClassProblem · 05/05/2018 01:44

We also have it for MIL who lives on her own and travels by car abroad a lot. It’s not essential but not a huge amount of your phone apps are so what’s the harm if all those are fine with it?

DiegoMadonna · 05/05/2018 01:52

Things like this must surely contribute to the rising levels of anxiety among the population.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 05/05/2018 01:55

n/a.

ilovesooty · 05/05/2018 02:22

I think DiegoMadonna has described my feelings about it more effectively than I did.

DailyMailClickbait · 05/05/2018 02:27

I love it. DH and I both have it - he added it first and then I enabled mine. I travel a lot and it saves so many "where are you" texts. It's very easy to switch off (I'm on android so it's literally flicking a button to turn the visibility on and off). I don't check it often - the times when I do are mostly when he's cycling.

Not a trust issue at all; we don't share passwords. I don't have the PIN for his phone and he doesn't for mine. He doesn't know my log ons, passwords for email etc., and I don't know his because I don't need to. If I thought for one moment that DH was using it because he didn't trust me then I'd turn it off. But we're both pretty laid back - me being 'digitally visible' to him doesn't fuss me at all, so I don't really care.

waterlily200 · 05/05/2018 02:32

Wow. I hadnt realosed it was such a emotive issue with regards to trust.

We used to use it when we had iPhones and my husband commuted for 2 hours a day so I timed his tea right, he got home so late he was starving and loved that he walked in to his tea (he cooked plenty for me btw just 2 nights a week he was in late and I did it). It was on both our phones and never once considered it an invasion of privacy or even thought to use it other times though I wouldn't of cared and I'm sure he wouldn't of. We moved so he was home at a more reasonable time and I can honestly say I completely forgot about it as I didn't need it.

I wouldn't mind it if was on now and husband tracked me at all, I don't see it as a trust issue if he wants to know where I am without calling that's fine by me. Also we open each others mail and know each others passwords. Its just normal and natural to us as a couple.

I can understand some people feel differently and it's not for them but each to their own, if both parties are happy with the arrangement I really don't see a problem.

AjasLipstick · 05/05/2018 02:42

Molly You said "I know exactly when his meeting ends so I can contact him"

What if he didn't WANT to be contacted?

I might finish a meeting and not want to tell anyone! I might want half an hour to myself and not to have to justify that.

I would hate for DH or anyone else to see where I was at any particular time.

It's nothing to do with them!

AjasLipstick · 05/05/2018 02:44

Waterlilly we open one another's post and have passwords too...but I simply don't see the point of being able to see where one another is at all times.

I still managed to time DH's tea without the app! He'd just let me know "I'll be an hour" or whatever...and that was that.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 05/05/2018 02:49

I've got a colleague who does this with her husband and her adult children, one of whom is at uni! She'll sometimes say things like "oh, Hannah's at her boyfriends flat when she should be in a lecture". Hannah is 21 and at uni 100 miles away. Or shell say "Martin must habe had his Lonfonmeeting cancelled becauae ig lools like hes working from home instead". I think it's really creepy.

Dh and I have android phones not iPhones and I've never looked to see if we have this facility. I have never felt the need to check where my husbsbd is and I certainly wouldn't dream of tracking our 19 year old ds at uni.

malpa · 05/05/2018 03:14

I don't wish to cause any anxiety or paranoia for those with trust issues, but surely such a set-up would make it easier for people to cheat on their partners?

"Ah, I see the wife is at her mother's for the next few hours; time to call the mistress..."
"Crap, hubby is five minutes away! Get your pants on and jump out of the window! No, we haven't got time... finish yourself off in the garden."

Also, those inclined to cheat could use another phone while leaving the monitored one where it (and the person) is expected to be... "It's alright, he thinks I'm at my mother's. We've got hours."

This sort of technology will always elicit mixed reactions regarding privacy and trust. Some will think it's practical; others, the spawn of Satan. You can be sure of one thing though: a cheat will cheat regardless, monitored or not.

(The "domestic dinner slave issue" should be its own AIBU... Wink)

glueandstick · 05/05/2018 03:27

Our house hold uses it mainly for safety. Long bike rides alone etc. It works well for us. No stalking necessary. Rarely use it.

diodati · 05/05/2018 03:40

What a revolting idea! Big Brother society. Sometimes I wish smartphones had never been invented. If my partner/spouse even suggested such a thing, it would be the end of our relationship. Trust is the foundation of any partnership.

glueandstick · 05/05/2018 03:42

I’d rather that than lying in a ditch on an isolated path. If you’re ok with it that’s fine, if you’re not, don’t use it.

MrsMollyMooMoo · 05/05/2018 03:54

We have it switched on but not really to track each other. It’s in case it gets stolen. Why wouldn’t you switch it on for that?

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