Tracking DP on phone

[damekindness]

I was talking to some work colleagues today and it came up in conversation that they got their OH to turn on their 'share location' on their mobiles so they could see where they were. Apparently it's useful to know so they can get the dinner on the table ready for them

Aside from the whole being a domestic dinner slave issue, I think asking your OH to share their location so they can be tracked is a massive invasion of privacy. However the counter argument was that if they didn't have anything to hide they shouldn't mind....

If you have teenagers, it is acceptable to track them.

Anything else is just weird and screams control freak. It can be dressed up as "but I need to know for safety" but it's still control.

'Why not just ring?'

Because they're driving/stuck in traffic.

Ironically it seems to me that the people so against it are the ones with the trust issues. You don't seem to trust your partners not to sit and track you all day if they had the option to.

Wouldn't say I'm against it because it's up to others what they do in their relationship but I was about to post that we don't use it because our system of me sending a text asking "When you due back?" works fine. I have agoraphobia and seldom leave the house so my partner could track me all he liked, I wouldn't be going anywhere!

Then don't have it adaline. Other families wanting to use it doesn't really have an impact on your life.

My dc like it. Ds was at the cinema after school yesterday,had to race to get a train first. Said I won't have time to text and I'll be with my mates,can you just track me to see if I made the train,cinema ok and re pick up.

I have it on DS1's phone, mainly because he's at the age where he's starting to go further afield with friends.

I don't think DH uses it and I don't, not sue it has ever occurred to either of us to track the other. No disrespect to those who do; I'm sure it's not used solely by insecure people.

No it isn't Cocoa I hate texting and ringing,can't be arsed. Ditto dh. With tracking I often have no need to.

I wouldn't have a problem with this. We don't use it currently, there's no real need with just how boring and predictable our lives are, but will suggest it once the kids are old enough for phones and being away from us.

I would find it useful for DH and DS who both travel lots for work and get home at anything between 16:30 and 20:30. TBF they do usually call with an ETA, but if I have timed a meal it would be really helpful to know how far away they are. I wouldn't ask though.

DD put it on my phone for me/her, we are very close, I never asked her to but she has all her friends and housemates on Find My Friends. I like to know the next morning she is safe at home in her uni bed after a night out and that when she has a long drive to placement she has got there safe.

It's peace of mind, not spying.

No angst here and we all use it - me DH DS and DD. Useful to know timings re dinner/who’s going to pick who up from which club. DH and I both work full time so DC can check when we’ll be back etc. There are no control issues

I wouldn't want to be tracking my teenagers.

If DH is driving/stuck in traffic I can ring him.He leaves work at the same time every day and gets home about 3/4 of an hour later. Any longer and either he's stuck in traffic or he left a bit later.

Having been in an abusive, controlling relationship and in a normal, trusting relationship I would say.......it depends.

If my XP had been doing it, it would have been for nefarious reasons. I would have refused, he would have done it anyway, I would have found out eventually and felt violated, he wouldn't have cared.

If DH did it, it would be for mundane practical reasons, or because he was worried about me, so it wouldn't bother me at all. I frequently tell DH 'I'll ring when I get there', or 'I'll let you know when I'm leaving', and then lose track of time or forget completely He used to worry something had happened to me, but nowadays he just rolls his eyes and curses me for being a scatterbrain.

Point is, it can be a handy tool for keeping track of the whereabouts of loved ones OR it can be used in an abusive way to spy on people without their consent.

I think the key there is consent, as always.

This is perhaps my favourite thing about the internet, learning what the rest of the world considers normal and acceptable.

I can’t believe so many people casually use these things and don’t see a problem with it. Would it be ok if the government wanted to have the same capability as your partners/families and look over your shoulder and check up on you all the time, and made it mandatory? No trust issues, it’s just handy you see, if everyone knows what you’ve been up to. And it will be ever so handy if you’re wrongly accused of murder, won’t it!! And yes, you do have to look ahead to where the technology could take you, because otherwise that’s how things stealthily creep up on a society and hey Preston, Big Brother is real.

Modern technology is here to stay. If people use it in a helpful way then there is no harm done. I would absolutely have no problem with using this kind of tech with a partner. I never see a need to lie about or hide where I am so it wouldn’t bother me at all. As a pp said, it’s only an issue if there are already issues in the relationship.

I take it people that track their partners never get surprise presents?

Here’s an idea - if you don’t like the concept don’t use tracking. What gives you the right to assign your opinions to people who perfectly happily share locations with family, friends and anyone else they want to? We’ve shared locations as a family for ages, sometimes it’s handy to know where everyone else is since we are almost never even all in the same country. Knowing what time zone DH is in avoids calling him in the middle of his night and wondering why he doesn’t pick up. And no, I don’t always remember which half of the world he’s s in on any particular day, that’s how unstalkerish I am. I have the dullest life, stalking me would be very unrewarding!
Tracking someone against their wishes would be different, but if somebody didn’t feel able to disable it on their own phone, then they have bigger problems than a tracking app.

We do do that, but only if one of us is going on a long journey alone, like visiting relatives hundreds of kms away. It turns off as soon as the "I'm here, having a cuppa now" message arrives on whatsapp. Just gives you a feeling of a bit of extra security.

My DH has used it to present me with a glass of wine as I arrive at the bar 🍷 win!
I use it with my family so they can see how I'm getting on driving the three hours to see them without having to pull over to text that the traffic is bad. I maybe look at it twice a week 🤷🏼‍♀️

That isn't where technology is going, that's where technology is at.

People's reliance on it will be their undoing at some point or other.

And actually I don't want my husband to know where I am 247. A bit of independence and mystery is a very good thing.

My DH has used it to present me with a glass of wine as I arrive at the bar

Can I marry him?

And it's a discussion post. So everybody has the right to put forward their opinion, even if it differs from your own. Its how debates are formed, and often how people build their own view of something.

My in laws have mithered the shit out of us to have this for ages. Its always been a very firm no and always will be.

My partner and I both have this turned on on our phones. Not sure 100% why we have it as we happily lived without it before we had iPhones. It is useful though.

My partner is rubbish at telling me when he's left work (which varies a lot) and if I text him to ask he'd text a reply while driving. He'd use Siri to do it and it's in a holder thing but I still would rather he just paid attention to the road.

Also I can see instantly where he is so don't have to wait for a reply. So I do actually use it so that I know when he's roughly going to be home for dinner! It's also handy as he leaves early and works in different locations (he does usually tell me where then night before but I forget) so I can see where he's working.

I also have my teenage son on there so see my partners location when I check where my son is.

I don't know how often my partner checks where I am and I don't really care. If he checked every hour though I'd probably think it was a bit weird!!

We've been together over a decade and there are no trust issues. Besides even if there were trust issues the other person could just turn data off on their phone and pretend the signal wasn't very good and their location wouldn't be seen anyway.

Same as a few others - husband is a cyclist and so use find my friends to check he is ok very occasionally. A few months ago he had a serious accident - a witness told me to come to a very long country lane to retrieve his bike and ride with him in the ambulance - didn't have the app to find them and wish I had. Right now we are on hols and he has gone off cycling alone - feel much more relaxed knowing I can locate him if he doesn't return AND it is nice to check the little dot is moving around safely!
I really don't check or care what he gets up to the rest of the time I promise!

We use this. It's not stalking, just a very useful app. My DP encourages me to use it for our mutual convenience. He also does not have a "hands free" mobile and therefore if stuck in traffic on his long commute I can see if there's a problem. I think your colleague sounds sensible. Its good to have trust in your relationship.

My husband and I have ours turned on, and there are still bounds of trust in the relationship. I work 45mins-1hr away, so it's handy for him to see if I arrived safely, if I get there and don't have time to text saying that I'm alive and well. And vice versa.

He's up and down the motorway every other weekend and it's nice to see where he is. Not at all in a weird, stalker-like way. I just like to see how far he is from his destination, or how close he is to home so I can start making dinner.

I can understand why some people think it's weird, but it just works for us, and there is no mistrust. For the most part, it's to stop worrying that the other person is laying dead in a ditch somewhere.

@dietcokemango I'll tell him to have you as a back up

I think lots of people that think it's stalkerish are picturing those of us that have it with it open constantly! Although I know for a fact that my dad does when he knows I'm driving (I do have a history of crashing!)