Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tracking DP on phone

451 replies

damekindness · 04/05/2018 23:10

I was talking to some work colleagues today and it came up in conversation that they got their OH to turn on their 'share location' on their mobiles so they could see where they were. Apparently it's useful to know so they can get the dinner on the table ready for them Hmm

Aside from the whole being a domestic dinner slave issue, I think asking your OH to share their location so they can be tracked is a massive invasion of privacy. However the counter argument was that if they didn't have anything to hide they shouldn't mind....

OP posts:
Roussette · 07/05/2018 17:14

Landlines have been around a lot longer than a generation ago! And no, they were a lifeline for people I think.

MiddleClassProblem · 07/05/2018 17:21

They don’t need to but if I can’t stop the nagging with a system that works as she knows it works, why not?

It’s like saying you have an encyclopaedia to look stuff up, why use the internet for information? Or you can boil hot water on the hob, why use a kettle? Sure it works but it’s juat more efficient and DD wouldn’t sit just looking out the window for more than a minute before whining started if I tried it the old why so why not just do this to save my sanity after a long day as a sahp?

MiddleClassProblem · 07/05/2018 17:23

I can’t understand people objecting to people’s reasons for using it. What affect does it have on you? As long as the people using it are happy why be so persistent in trying to put it down?

That’s what really is hard to understand, not that some people use it and others don’t.

DiamondsBestFriend · 07/05/2018 17:33

I came from a relationship where tracking was used to spy and control and as such I can see that in the wrong hands/circumstances this could be a part of an abusive relationship.

However, in my current relationship me and DP can see each other’s locations if we wanted to. Similarly, me and my teens can do the same, it saves me ringing them etc if I want to know where they are and when they’ll be back for dinner etc.

The difference is that we all do this with each other’s knowledge and permission and so there is no issue.

The point at which anyone told me that if I had nothing to hide I would just allow would be the point I would remove the access. Ability to track each other is something which needs to happen by mutual agreement and consent. As long as all parties are in agreement and consenting there is no issue.

And two years ago I was rushed to hospital in a life or death situation. The problem is that they took me to a different hospital which was not my local one, and I was unconscious so no way to contact my family. It was only through find my friends that my DS was able to see which hospital I’d been taken to so they were able to go there.

Justanotherlurker · 07/05/2018 17:57

I don't have a problem with people using it, I have an issue with the creep of this type of tracking (and it is) becoming normalised.

I am far from a luddite especially as I work in the field but the personal space is diminishing so much that the next generation of MN will be around not dating someone who will not share their location.

There are issues with mobile phones in general, there are many threads on here already about people not answering, turned off, expected to be available 24/7, whilst find my friends is useful ,although I have yet to see any compelling reason why other than its nice to have, its on another level for me personally.

But each to their own and all that

Roussette · 07/05/2018 17:58

Ditto. Everyone to their own. I don't have a problem with anyone using it but not in a million years would I want it used on me on a regular basis.

Doje · 07/05/2018 18:21

I get why people don't like it, but I do use it, and like it! I mostly use it to see where he is on his commute after work, when I'm at the end of my tether with the two kids at home!

I suppose there's a difference if it was requested and required. DH told me when he voluntarily shared his location with me. I was under no obligation to do the same. A couple of months later when mucking about with my phone I shared my location with him.

DubiousFeminist · 07/05/2018 18:52

Landlines have been around a lot longer than a generation ago!

Well now I do feel old, @Roussette ! I can remember my parents having the landline installed at home, and us being one of the first houses in the village to have one - and I'm not yet 50 Blush

Roussette · 07/05/2018 19:18

Those were the days Dubious Grin

Bummymum · 07/05/2018 19:55

Dh and I have ours on. I know if he's near home in the day and will take him a cup of tea/lunch, he knows if I'm still at home and might pop in to say hi if I'm there.

I especially like it as he can't hear his phone most of the time and when he's working, when he gets closer to home I know he's nearer being finished for the day.

Can't see how it's terrible or is anyone else's business!

Bummymum · 07/05/2018 19:59

Why on Earth is it stalkerish?! Neither Dh or I do it to check if the other is somewhere they shouldn't be. If that's what's on your mind you need to look at your relationships!

I don't care or worry about where he is (in the cheating sense) one bit. Odd people would jump to the tracking being used for that purpose. Confused

Dh's profession is high risk, I like to know where he is and if he hasn't checked in in a couple of hour period I'd go and check where he is or send someone.

Mrseft · 07/05/2018 20:39

We have it turned on too. I have a husband who works on the train home and so I will have a quick check to see if he'll be home in time for bedtime for my eldest DC. Hubby uses it if I go on a long journey to check i've arrived in case I forget to text immediately which I am liable to do. Neither of us have the time or energy to constantly track each other though, and if that is what it is used for then I think that is a breach of trust. I trust my husband enough to have that feature and NOT abuse it. I think it says a great deal about the amount we trust each other

Molly499 · 07/05/2018 22:00

This was always going to have a mixed bag of responses for and against, and it comes down to personal choice, but I can't believe the paranoia and complete lack of knowledge of how these apps work. It's almost like an immediate negative response to something new that they don't understand. They are location sharing apps and not a tracker as in spyware and people have better things to do than keep updating the location all day long plus it's a mutual agreement with all parties so nothing underhand.

As a family we all find it useful, just checked to see that my dd got back to London ok tonight with all the train hassle. She much prefers this to me calling or texting which can be so intrusive.

Voice0fReason · 07/05/2018 22:12

But nothing I have read has convinced me that enabling tracking would be of benefit to my family.
I don't think anyone has suggested that it should be compulsory!
It's useful for some people at some times and some circumstances. It's not useful for everyone all the time.

Roussette · 08/05/2018 07:35

I know exactly what it is Molly. I still wouldn't want it. I do put my location on when I'm finding my way to somewhere in London or abroad, I just don't leave it on.

MiddleClassProblem · 08/05/2018 09:38

But nothing I have read has convinced me that enabling tracking would be of benefit to my family.

No one is trying to convince anyone to buy the app. This isn’t a sales pitch. It’s just people saying why they use it...

Sparklingbrook · 08/05/2018 09:44

Sometimes a thread can change your mind about something, and you think you might give it a go. I know it isn't a sales pitch.
There have been quite a few of these threads lately with people saying why they use it and also why they don't.

Twirlywooos · 08/05/2018 10:00

I’m loving this thread, it’s brilliant. So many of you would have an absolute fit if you lived where we do. The bank texts my husband every single time I use the bank card/credit card and when I leave the country 😄. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest but I can see that some of you would be outraged.

BlingLoving · 08/05/2018 10:10

Not only do DP and I use it.... we have various other family members on there too! Grin. I'd be shocked if any of us use it more than occasionally, but it's super helpful. My Dad lives in another country, alone, and my siblings and I like having it on so that if he ever disappears we'll have a sense of where he is - our biggest fear is that he'll be injured while out walking/ running (his two favourite activities) and no one would find him (he lives in a remote location). Ditto, my sister and I have it on and it's quite useful if, for example I'm near her office and am thinking about suggesting a coffee I can check if she's there before ringing her or vice versa. We're both really busy so not having random calls or texts during the day is quite useful especially as after a few years of sick relatives etc, we tend to assume the worst if we receive a day time phone call! :)

I currently don't have my iPhone so I've been meaning to find an alternative, phone-agnostic app - and get everyone else to download it too so that we can all go back to seeing each other. I confused my sister my turning up at her house the other day (on time) as she'd "seen" me at home where my old phone was still sitting!

BlingLoving · 08/05/2018 10:11

oh wait, my best friend is also on my find friends. The only time I actively look for her is if she's coming to our house and I want to know when to pour her G&T!

ICantCopeAnymore · 08/05/2018 10:24

Yes, my bank sends a notification when DH uses the card and vice versa. It's made sneaky wool buying a bit more difficult 😁

ralfeesmum · 08/05/2018 11:02

The argument "what's the problem if you've nothing to hide?" is astonishingly naive and, IMHO, encompasses the threat of clumsy bullying.

Privacy is very precious - especially these days with the fearsome technology we employ - and it's vanishing all too fast, sadly.

And anyway, people who use the "if you have nothing to hide?" tactic very often have some whopping and eye-popping skeletons in their cupboards!

MrsPreston11 · 08/05/2018 11:11

We've all got Find My Friends DH, my parents, I've got some of my friends on it.

it's very useful, for example if my DH is driving home late from somewhere I can check how long until he's home, or if I'm meeting my Mum or giving her a lift I know where she is etc.

It's actually less an invasion in many ways as it saves a lot of texts/calls. Plus the person can disable it on their phone at any time.

Roussette · 08/05/2018 11:20

Not true Twirly because that's a security issue with the Bank. I'd be glad my bank took my security seriously.

Having a DP on there at a push, kids on there yes again because of making sure they're ok... but friends? I find that seriously weird. Why do I want to know what my friends are doing day by day? I don't. They're entitled to their privacy. Luckily I don't know anyone who uses it so haven't been asked. If it's totally a mutual thing, OK, your thing, it just wouldn't be mine!

adaline · 08/05/2018 11:31

I think the people who don't use, don't really "get" it. I certainly don't.

I don't see why you need to know to the minute when someone is going to be home from work, or why you need to check their location if they're 10 minutes later than usual. Isn't the most likely explanation that they're stuck in traffic or they've gotten chatting to someone on their way out of the door?

I also think people are becoming very dependent on it - if you rely on it everyday and one day, for example, the phone networks are down or your partners' battery has died, are you not going to suddenly panic because you can't track their location?

I also don't understand the accident thing - how can you tell the difference between someone not moving due to traffic or because the network is funny, or not moving because they've had a crash?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.