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Original poster

Tracking DP on phone

451 replies

damekindness · 04/05/2018 23:10

I was talking to some work colleagues today and it came up in conversation that they got their OH to turn on their 'share location' on their mobiles so they could see where they were. Apparently it's useful to know so they can get the dinner on the table ready for them Hmm

Aside from the whole being a domestic dinner slave issue, I think asking your OH to share their location so they can be tracked is a massive invasion of privacy. However the counter argument was that if they didn't have anything to hide they shouldn't mind....

OP posts:
CadyHeron · 07/05/2018 09:53

I'm an over sharer and love FB/social media but I've got tag your location on "review" on there.
In other words my tag won't work and the post won't show up on my wall if someone tags me somewhere without me approving it first.
So I might approve it when we get home, and say we've had a nice day, but all my friends don't need to know in real time.
Invasive, watchy, not very security conscious to boot.

Roussette · 07/05/2018 10:17

I am laughing at 'my phone pings when my husband comes round the corner'.

WTF?!!! Why not just look out the window for his car?! Is this what we've been reduced to? We need to implant the chip under our skin then we can forget the phones altogether!

CadyHeron · 07/05/2018 10:20

WTF?!!! Why not just look out the window for his car?!

Grin sssh, talking sense lol

MiddleClassProblem · 07/05/2018 10:21

Roussette you’d rather keep peeping out the window for a car than just have a ping?

Roussette · 07/05/2018 10:24

MiddleClass Yes!

Although I wouldn't 'keep peeping' out the window anyway! A general idea of when my DH might be home is enough for me.

qwertyuiopy · 07/05/2018 10:55

Why look out of the window every two minutes when you can be alerted? This suspicion is so old fashioned, move with the times people! It’s not exactly Midnight’s Children, just knowing two mins before the key is in the lock!

Lookatmeimsandradeeee · 07/05/2018 11:08

chemanger

Most sensible post on this whole thread.

optimuss · 07/05/2018 11:17

It really depends on the person using the tracking feature I suppose. DP and I have enabled location sharing with one another for years but I have rarely felt the need to check. How boring, seeing that she's at work, cycling home, supermarket, other equally boring things. If she's out after work or at the weekend with friends then she will say where she's going and on and I have no reason not to believe her! If we're meeting somewhere she will call me and tell me where she is.
If she checked up on me too I'm sure she'd see things just as boring! We agreed to share for emergency reasons and neither of us thought of it as a big deal but if one of us hadn't wanted to we wouldn't. I suppose now though if she changed her mind I would have my suspicions.. because she was so relaxed about it to begin with I would wonder what she had to hide.

I can definitely see how this could be used in a sinister way in some controlling relationships though which is a worry. Sharing location should definitely not be an expectation in a relationship

NoParticularPattern · 07/05/2018 11:18

My DH and I have “find friends” turned on on our iPhones. I don’t use it to “check up” on him 24/7 or to tell when he might be home for dinner (not usually anyway!!). I do use it so that I can see which field he is in when they are busy silaging on the farm. Sometimes it’s so I know where to aim for when I take him something to eat but mostly it’s so I can work out which fields to avoid when out on the horse! He uses it to check I’ve got to wherever me and DD were going safely. I guess the silage one is a pretty niche reason pretty specific to us, but him checking in with me and DD is just easier than me forgetting to tell him we are safe and then him having to ring me, me not picking up because I’ve not got there yet and then him panicking. But even then I don’t think he does it all the time- just if it’s a long journey or somewhere I’ve not been before. He’s definitely more worried about DD than me though 😂😂

Roussette · 07/05/2018 11:23

I never looked out the window every 2 minutes for starters! I had a rough idea when my DH would be home and I just carried on with my life. So I really wouldn't want a ping on my phone when he came round the corner 200 yards away, what's the point of that?!

Sparklingbrook · 07/05/2018 11:25

I know when DH is home because he walks in through the door, chucks his car keys on the hall table and goes upstairs to get changed. Grin

Roussette · 07/05/2018 11:28

Not good enough Sparkling you should've had warning of that!

Sparklingbrook · 07/05/2018 11:30

I am really racking my brains to think how having advanced warning would improve things I really am. Grin

Cheesenacho123 · 07/05/2018 11:31

We use the share your location with each other, usually when OH is on the bus on the way back from work and then I know what time he’ll be home. It’s a lot more accurate than the bus timetables. I don’t think we’ve ever used it for more than that. If he went out for the day I wouldn’t ask to track his location and I certainly don’t have any trust issues with him

MiddleClassProblem · 07/05/2018 11:49

Sparklingbrook I have a toddler nagging me when he’ll be home every 30 seconds. Since having the app I can see how long with exact traffic too and let her know I’ll tell her when it’s time to go to the window or hide depending on her desired action. But it stops the nagging. When my parents drive 4 hrs to visit, it’s the same plus I have a cup of tea waiting.

When I go on a night out I know I’m being tracked hone. I’m prone to fainting and just general female walking home alone safety concerns it helps.

I can see when DH takes DD to visit PIL down the motorway that they got their safe. No need to interrupt their day with messages. Just nice to know their in 1 piece.

People just have different ways of living. It’s non essential but it’s a nice add on tool. That’s all.

Sallystyle · 07/05/2018 12:30

I would hate it.

I don't really like the idea that tech makes it possible for us to be so trackable. DH doesn't have a phone, just an iPad and he doesn't take that out with him. I would not want anyone to be able to open an app and see where I am. My life is pretty boring and I have nothing to hide, but it is the principle of it for me.

I do not need to know when he is coming around the corner, if he is stuck in traffic, how far away he is from home or any of that crap. If I am late home from work I might call him, or I might not and if tea is done I can just warm it up later.

If he wants to talk to me when I am at work he can send a quick message asking me to call when I am free.

Anything else feels far too intrusive to me.

it is absolutely normalising some pretty frightening intrusive stalking behaviours, that new generations will grow up seeing as normal. It's actually quite disturbing.

I completely agree with this.

Roussette · 07/05/2018 12:41

Agree with U2.

And to be honest I think it opens a whole can of worms. The husband who doesn't want to put his location on, not for nefarious reasons, but he just doesn't. Or the DW who just wants to get on with her life and doesn't necessarily want every single movement reported back to her DH because he likes to check up on her. And make no mistake, there are plenty of men out there like this.

Imagine the conversations.. 'what did you buy in TK MAxx today then?' says the DH to his DW. Perhaps she wanted to browse for an hour, perhaps she wanted to blow £100 she had as a bonus at work. She didn't want to tell her DH she'd been, nothing peculiar, she just didn't. There are 101 examples like this.

Then don't get me started on the late teens. I learnt some valuable lessons making mistakes and doing daft things when I was 17 ish... none of it would've been possible if I was tracked by my DPs who were very strict.

I know you will all say 'well don't put it on if you don't want to' but there could well be pressure to do this. I think eventually the pendulum will swing the other way and we will all start to value our privacy much more.

AlonsosLeftPinky · 07/05/2018 12:54

@Sparklingbrook that's always worked in my house too. We each know the other is home as we walk through the door.

I've never needed a precise ETA, and can't for the life of me fathom why anyone would.

To track to make someone a cup of tea at the perfect time must entail a lot of looking. I firstly couldn't be arsed and secondly would be horrified at the suggestion of such intrusive monitoring.

And yes to @Roussette too. The insinuation of 'must have something to hide' is always a negative one. However, sometimes we just don't want to share EVERYTHING.

AlonsosLeftPinky · 07/05/2018 12:56

I also think it's better to encourage teenagers to think about the possible consequences of an action so that they can learn to assess risk v benefit for themselves. Yes they'll sometimes get it wrong, and hopefully learn from that, but it is much better to encourage that thought process than big brother is watching!!!

MiddleClassProblem · 07/05/2018 13:08

AlonsosLeftPinky not really. If I know what time my parents leave their house I just look where they are about 3 he’s later and then I know how long until they’re at mine and make it for then as it shows how far away in time and distance they are.

It takes seconds. Just as me using an app to do anything else does. I don’t need to know how far away the lightening hits but it’s interesting.

I don’t need a bus time app but it’s useful to know as they don’t really stick to a timetable and some bus stops don’t have a ticker.

frasier · 07/05/2018 15:52

MiddleClassProblem Exactly the same here. "When's Daddy home?" and "Where is Daddy?" are echoes of the past! DS asks once and I show him. 1 click. No ringing, no texting. It's actually a lot less intrusive for everyone.

I understand that some people don't like change (MIL hates it, probably because people could see she was sat in the pub at lunchtime lol!) and would think it was nosy, but DS has never known any different and to him it's just a way to see where Daddy is.

fuckingjournocunts · 07/05/2018 16:33

I'm included on family sharing with my exh so he knows where I am all the time and I know where he is all the time and we both know where the dc are at all times. My dh however is not on family sharing because he doesn't like us all knowing when he's been to KFC during his lunch break 😂

DubiousFeminist · 07/05/2018 17:00

I know you will all say 'well don't put it on if you don't want to' but there could well be pressure to do this

Of course there is! Just like there is pressure to respond to text messages from partners/parents/supervisors or answer a call from the DCs school when they ring.

All of the arguments on this thread (trying to persuade me that DH and I are reinforcing abuse by using this tool in a way that we are both comfortable) with were applied to mobile phones when they were first introduced to the domestic market. I'm sure a generation earlier, the idea of a landline in the home was also considered invasive and creepy.

Have we really absolved ourselves of personal responsibility to the extent that nothing that may be misused should be available to anyone, even though it enhances many lives? I suggest we go back to ripping carcasses apart with our bear hands - given how much knives are abused and cause harm Hmm

Sparklingbrook · 07/05/2018 17:03

I don't know why DC need to know the exact time anyone is coming home.
My Mum used to sit toddler DS in the window about 3/4 of an hour after I left work. This was in 2000 though but it worked fine.

NerrSnerr · 07/05/2018 17:08

When my 3 year old asks when her dad's coming home I usually say 7 minutes if I know it's fairly soon. She can't tell the time so doesn't know the difference.

By the time she's old enough to tell the time I'm sure she'll understand when I say 'he'll be about half an hour depending on traffic'

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