Tracking DP on phone

[damekindness]

I was talking to some work colleagues today and it came up in conversation that they got their OH to turn on their 'share location' on their mobiles so they could see where they were. Apparently it's useful to know so they can get the dinner on the table ready for them

Aside from the whole being a domestic dinner slave issue, I think asking your OH to share their location so they can be tracked is a massive invasion of privacy. However the counter argument was that if they didn't have anything to hide they shouldn't mind....

It is a form of spying and control that has become more common place with the creep of new tech, and as I said before this new tech isn't for your benefit, getting you to turn the function on is how the perceive the benefit

Which is nearly word for word what my great aunt said when I got my first mobile phone many years ago. She couldn't be doing with this "new fangled nonsense" . If she wasn't already in her grave, the thought of the tech available these days would probably have killed her.

@0hCrepe

As I said you are playing semantics and now thinking you have a gotcha, but, of course I am not implying that it was all women suggesting it.

At the very heart of this functionality is to track the other user is without notifying to the opposite party of doing so, yes a consent issue is involved which then brings in the big brother argument, but its still stalkerish/controlling being masked as convenience.

And yes I will still stand by the fact that if this is acceptable then within a couple of years we will have threads on here scenarios of either my DH wants me to share location when I don't, which will be met with an overall response of he is controlling etc, and, conversely switch the genders, it would result in if he has nothing to hide he should have nothing to fear.

We have both been on here far too long to think I am trying to spin some hyperbole

I sure as hell wouldn’t share my location and nor would I expect my partner to. It’s absolutely ridiculous and partners can try and cover the lack of trust up with all sorts of excuses....but, none of them are believeable! You just look ridiculous

Which is nearly word for word what my great aunt said when I got my first mobile phone many years ago. She couldn't be doing with this "new fangled nonsense" grin

Did your gran forsee the snowden leaks and 5 eyes?

Did she foresee that 5 eyes could track everything freely for years and can bring out end to end encrypted whatsapp messages in court?

I have worked in the bleeding edge of this "new fangled nonsense" for over 20 years.

I bet you was one of the many who threatened to delete their facebook profile recently, how is that going?

partners can try and cover the lack of trust up with all sorts of excuses....but, none of them are believeable!

Really? You don't believe that my DH and I both work away from home, in jobs that demand early mornings and late nights, and so therefore, we often only have a few minutes a day when we are both free to talk to each other?

I can assure you that it is true - what makes you think I'm lying and ridiculous?

I bet you was one of the many who threatened to delete their facebook profile recently, how is that going

Sorry? Nope, never even crossed my mind.

And I have no idea what 5 eyes is, sorry.

Do people seriously check their partner has arrived safely at work each day?

partners can try and cover the lack of trust up with all sorts of excuses....but, none of them are believeable!

What is not believable about my DH working in different places and twice in nine months I've felt the need to find which office he was travelling home from and checked on find friends because I don't like phoning him when he's driving?

DH often gets stuck at work - I might get a vague message telling me to go ahead with dinner and then I won’t hear from him again.
He can’t have his phone where he works - it will be in his office.
I have woken up at 3am and checked he is still there as no message - helps me go back to sleep as I know he is there.

Creepy AF.

I bite my tongue if I see ds is at his girlfriends when he shouldn’t be, even when he bunked school, I knew they’d pick it up and punish him. It’s purely for safety. Although I did 🙄 (at myself) when I spent my lunchtime rushing home from work to take delivery of a parcel, only to find him there and helping the driver unload.

See, is it just me who finds this level of intrusion just a bit ?!
I have a teenage ds. I can't imagine tracking him to whether he's at school, out with mates etc.
Seems like a totally gross invasion of privacy.
You must be checking it a lot to know all that.

We share locations, very rarely use it, but it has come in handy on occasion. Once to locate a lost phone in a shopping centre. We also had issues a few years ago with children in DS’s class saying “your Dad’s a Fireman and he’s going to die in a fire” and other such shit - we had massive issues with nightmare and him waking up in the night, being able to track DH to the fire station did help reassure DS that his Dad was safe.

@just I’m not trying to win by semantics, I just don’t agree with you. Of course either person insisting on the other doing something against their will is not ok. I’ve seen plenty of threads where women are told they’re controlling when they’ve got overcome by anxiety when their partner’s home late and are considering ending the relationship, for example. I for one certainly wouldn’t agree with a woman ‘making’ her dh download it if he didn’t want to and I’m sure no one would.
Your general suspicion of this app and usage shows you don’t see it in the same way I do, for us it’s not spying without consent.

Where has a single person said they’re continuously tracking someone else? You get on with your life, and you look occasionally if you want to know where someone is. Yes it could be misused but that doesn’t mean that if you have it you automatically do.

Not sure why some have such strong negative feelings on this subject.

My phone came with the app already installed. It’s called find my friends & I have loads of people on there. There’s a switch to turn sharing on or off instantly. I seldom use it but it’s fun when you’re meeting friends or family in a destination & you can see how far away they are. It’s also fun when one of you is in another country and can see how far away they are in miles & their little face on a map. I have my parents, DH, siblings and friends on there, mutually. I wouldn’t however open their post and don’t have my husbands passwords - for me that’s totally different.

I think the people with the strong opinions have either had bad experiences or are obviously not used to this sort of technology when everyone’s open. Do you not tag your location on social media when you go somewhere nice? It’s a new way of life if you choose to use it, not big brother.

Also totally agree with PP who said this:
Then it's not the app that's controlling, it's the partner. If all parties want to use it, then it's not weird in the slightest.

So much projection on this thread. Nobody is talking about sitting watching someone else’s every move. Nobody is forcing anyone to share locations. Nobody except those who don’t use location sharing, that is. If you don’t like the idea don’t do it, but all the people who find location sharing useful are doing no harm to anyone else. Literally nobody has tried to encourage those who don’t like the idea to use location sharing. Plenty of people have described why it’s useful for them personally and all of those scenarios have been ignored and trust issues have been rehashed over and over again. Like many things on Mumsnet it seems people struggle to imagine lives different from their own.

It's been an interesting thread. But nothing I have read has convinced me that enabling tracking would be of benefit to my family.

OH shared his location with me. I didn't ask him to and I've never used it. The only time I used it to find the location of anyone was for my youngest (who is known to roam further than he said he would) and my cat when she had a GPS collar - and that was purely for my own amusement. I admit it. I did stalk the cat (don't tell her!!). I've never used it for OH (he'll probably be disappointed by this since he insisted on putting it on).

@dubiousfeminist no, your excuse isn’t believeable at all. The fact you’re arguing with anyone who sees this as a complete lack of trust and invasion of privacy proves it too. If you genuinely felt that way you would just state your view and move on.
If you and your husband work long hours and far away from each other it still doesn’t negate the need for turning on his location. A text to ask his ETA or whether he’s free for a phone call would suffice - no need for full on stalker mode

For me personally, texting me when I am in work is seldom useful since I usually leave my phone in my office. If I’m stuck in a meeting then I won’t be answering texts or phone calls. If I do have my phone it will be on do not disturb face down. I don’t regard texts as something that I need to see or respond to with any urgency. If DH wants to know where I am he can look on find my friends, way less intrusive. I don’t get notifications when driving and would not consider using hands free since it has been shown to increase risk and I’m a safety specialist. Each to their own. I am totally at ease with other people knowing where I am but understand, now, that many people don’t feel that way.

I don't see an issue with it privacy wise, as in I wouldn't care if DP wanted to use it.
I was about to say why not just message each other as that's what me and DP do but he uses the train, so it does make sense for a long car commute as he would be unable to message if there was delays with traffic etc.

Think if he did have a long commute in a car id like it for having an idea of when he'd be home to help (have 2 under 2 so its a lot easier when he's home in time to help with bath time as they're usually coated in food after tea!)

We have one just purely because it's convenient to know where the other one is. My phone pings when dh is coming round the corner to home. I also work late sometimes and im not able to ring so dh would confirm if he wanted to that I was still at work and not in a ditch. I can see that it could be used by controlling stalkers but if neither of you are those types I don't see that it matters

I don't think it's true that no one who uses it has tried to persuade others to use it - at least a few people have asked "what have you got to hide?"which is a dangerous argument as something like this requires full, active consent to not be creepy, and "I just don't fancy turning it on today" should be enough and not invite further questions but I bet it would.

No I do not tag my location on social media. Why on earth would I ever need or want to do so??

I absolutely hate the extent to which people live their lives through social media.

It just sounds odd to me. We will sometimes call each other when we finish work to see where the other one Is, how hungry etc so then the other one can start dinner if they're home first. Wouldn't want to track my partner at all.