Sister not looking after my house

[BipolarSunset]

Really need your help here.

So me, DH and DS have just come back from holiday, sister stayed at mine all week to look after our dog.
She works 2 days a week so we had arranged a friend to pop in and take DDog out for a walk and to feed him.

Get a call Wednesday whilst away from friend saying my house has been completely destroyed, DDog was locked in his cage (we never put him in if we go out) which was filled with urine and there was rubbish everywhere.
Friend had cleaned cage, bathed dog and then took him out. There was also a used pregnancy test just sitting on my toilet cistern.

Come back today and house isn't much better, spoken to my mum who has defended my sister saying that friend had invaded her privacy and that DDog was hard to look after and pretty much that I am a neat freak.

Am I being unreasonable?

The kitchen is disgusting and she should be bloody embarrassed to leave it like that but the ddog situation is much much worse, I’d be so so angry about that. Totally abusive.

Why did your friend go into the house if the dog was out in the garden? And why does the dog crate not have some sort of bed in there?

I would pick my battles. That kitchen is messy but if she had deep cleaned it before you came back it would have been perfect.

The dog though...disgusting treatment and that's what I would focus on. You can't trust him with her and her treatment of him was bad. Had your friend not come back the kitchen would have been fine and likely cleaned but your dog would have been distressed and neglected.

Did you tell your mum about the test? Because that would be a shitty thing to do imo, there's no need.

Totally wrong to lock the dog up in such a state.

Your kitchen being a mess / pg test is a different matter. She can live as she pleases while you are away (bar permanent damage) but should have cleaned up / tidied before you returned. But you have no business to control whether she should feel she needs to hide a pg test or whatever.

The treatment of the dog: she is not a trustworthy carer. Everything else: you are unreasonable and being a control freak.

I’s Be upset about the mess but would let it go if the dog had been well cared for.
Your poor dog though!
I’d definitely have to say something about that.

I’d be

Are you sure the story about the dog is not a bit exaggerated though... Afterall your friend claimed your house was "destroyed", unless it was rebuilt after her visit she seems to have gone a bit ott in her accuracy of describing the situation.
How was ddog when you got home?

As said in a previous post DDog seems very timid and quiet. Very unlike the usual hyperactive JRT we normally have.

He has a crate that he uses as and when he pleases. We don't lock him in but he will go in for a nap or to get his toys if he wants to.

I'm sorry but being called a neat freak seems kind of rude. I'm not calling anyone who has said their kitchen looks like previous picture a tramp have I?
Because that is the way you decide to live and I am in no place to judge.

My dogs are usually a bit like this when I get home from being away. Think they are just showing me they are not impressed at having been left.
I wouldn't read to much into it.

I would be be very very pissed off if this was me. I think you are definitely not BU.

YANBU to be unhappy. If my sister left my kitchen like that I'd have words. She should have left it in the state it was when it arrived. It's interesting that your mum seems to think you're at fault for being clean and tidy, is she as messy as your sister?

BUT the real issue is the dog. I'd be absolutely flaming over that if I thought she'd neglected him.

"When she arrived" I'm not calling your sister "it"

As everything me else said the real issue is the dog. Poor thing.

PetulantPolecat nailed it earlier but re:kitchen while we’ve established “destroyed” is an exaggeration I can understand it. I think you are right to be pissed off the kitchen if you left it clean and tidy (which you presumably did) is a fucking disgrace I would be making face for about an hour if I came home and my kitchen looked like that...

Make other arrangements in future and hope you dog recovers / gets back to their former selves

I cant believe the amount of posters saying that that the kitchen is ok . I would be livid if i trusted someone to look after my home and they treated it like that, its a complete lack of respect.

Haha feel free Starbucks. I'm heartbroken over DDog so please don't think my kitchen comes first.

My mum is probably as messy as my sister in that fact that she hoards a lot.

I understand some peoples kitchens are messy (which is fine) and are calling her a clean freak, but you have to admit that it is alot a mess for one person to make in a week

Rattail
I’m reading it as 3 people. No? They live with fil and went to stay at ops house to give fil a break.

And yes, it looks a mess.

Kitchen is untidy but I wouldn’t say it was destroyed. She’s been a bloody arse about your poor dog though.

YABU yo have asked your sitter to sit your house when you know she is messy. That hardly takes a genius to work out that that is a silly idea.

I’m not sure about the dog thing. You say your dog is hyperactive and you have a crate so it doesn’t seem crazy that the dog was put in the crate. Also the fact the dog pee’d once in the cage doesn’t mean he was mistreated. If the dog was out of sorts then he could have been acting unusually. The dog could be out of sorts because you were away rather than because of anything your sister did.

BTW did you tell your sister not to use the crate?

I have a very tidy house but I don’t think I’d be too bothered about the mess your sister left. I’d have a wee moan/tease but I don’t think it’s that bad 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was going to say YANBU but that kitchen looks fine to me. 🤔

thisparachuteisanapsack. Lol, probably best to RTFTbefore being snarky about other posters reading comprehension. 😂

smeddum

hungryhungryhippo8

The OPs friend said the house had been destroyed but if you look at the OPs second post on this thread she posts a picture of her kitchen and This is my kitchen....destroyed!.

Poor dog. I hate the idea of them being in crates. If you need to do that, you shouldn’t have a dog.

@RoseWhiteTips we never use the crate. It's just a place he goes to chill and where his toys get kept when not being played with.

@PotTheRed yes explained everything to her even down to the fact of moving anything out of Ddogs reach if they go out as he sometimes has a habit of chewing which we are trying to deal with.

As I said next holiday DDog will be coming with us. Just this was a last minute thing and pets weren't allowed. Have definitely learned from this.

I wouldn’t say the kitchen is destroyed BUT I would be mightily pissed off if a guest/family member left my kitchen like that! It is a mess and how could it possibly be clean with all that crap everywhere.

The dog situation is awful though and I would be heartbroken if my dog had been left in a crate filled with urine and crap for days on end.

Your DM is definitely being unreasonable siding with your sister and honestly I would be cutting contact with both for a while and indefinitely with sis if she didn’t apologise and explain.