Exh confiscating DS phone.

[ilovemilton]

Here I am again! Exh is a knob. Mumsnet saves my sanity by generally agreeing with me and letting me have the moan that is probably getting boring to my RL friends.

DS contact alternate weekends. Last weekend, after an argument over gaming (where DS said he was being hacked and exh told him he was stupid), exh removed his phone. He does tend to do this a lot during contact, to prevent him calling me.

However, this time he has refused to let him bring it home with him on Monday.

Midweek contact was the same. Phone still not allowed.

I've text him today to say DS would like his phone back for the weekend, and as it is my property, he has no right to keep it for so long. He's refused. DS is understandably pissed off.

There's no answer to this really. Just wanted to rant!

You should get the phone from him but from the sound of it the punishment should stand.

Undermining him is a slippery slope as he'll likely start to do the same.

Oh he undermines me at every step and I wouldn't usually. But I think he's allowed to get upset for raising a genuine concern and being told he was stupid.

There'll be the usual 3 sides to the argument and you weren't there.

So, he began the undermining and now you're looking to do the same. As I said, a slippery slope.

You weren't there.. it all sounds one sided.

Undermining him is a slippery slope as he'll likely start to do the same.

It isn't his phone to keep.

If you pay the bill it’s your phone. He has no right to keep it. Tell him if he doesn’t return your property you will contact police and alert them he had stolen your property. As for the sons punishment I suspect there is more to the story as it seems a bit harsh of a punishment if all he did was raise concerns he’s been hacked, (did he get cheeky afterwards?) that will need to be handled cautiously

I have read some of your previous threads, this is just another way to control you and DS.

Raven. I know them both well enough to know this is usual. DC regularly get punished for playing a game wrong, or dying when they are playing with him etc. I saw enough when he lived here to believe the DC.

Please defend your ds and get his stolen phone back. Give the police a ring, he is cunt.

Agree with others, it's not his phone to keep if he pays 0 towards it, so 0 reasons for him to keep hold of it.

It's your phone! He can't keep it. What if he's keeping it so he can go through it and spy on you/your DS? What if he's keeping it because it's a better phone than his and he'd like it? Even if that's unlikely, he's not in control of you and can't keep something that's yours as a punishment.

Also how bad would you have to be to lose your phone for a whole week?! That's your DS's way of keeping in touch with his friends and you, keeping safe when out and entertainment when waiting for a bus etc. I would go mental if someone took my phone for a week!

He sounds ridiculously controlling and punitive. This is theft. I would tell him to return it today or the police are being called (101, not 999!)

In future when your son visits maybe he could take a cheap PAYG phone with him and leave his actual phone at home.

But obviously he shouldn't have to do that. It sounds like your ex is getting the hump over squabbles over computer games, so childish. I agree with saying you're going to contact the police if the phone isn't handed over as otherwise he's going to keep hold of it as he knows he's getting a reaction.

It never even occurred to me to contact the police.

Would that even work, seeing as that is technically DS "home" too?

I don't know if I'm quite prepared to create such a shit storm...

Yes. Tell them he has your property and wont return it.

The police won't intervene, because it's a domestic issue, not a 'theft'.

How did your son thinking he had been hacked turn into an argument? Are you sure the phone wasn’t confiscated due to the argument, ds being rude etc etc?

Seems harsh and a very long winded punishment.

Maybe try to agree what consequences and for what behaviour with your ex?

Caribou the police WILL intervene, theft is theft and it's irrelevant that it's a domestic issue - do you think they ignore domestic violence?

Well, as an aside, the last assault I reported, he denied and they told me it hadn't happened. No investigation or anything. They just popped into him for about two minutes.

Yes I agree the phone was taken as punishment for probably kicking off. But he was kicking off after being called stupid for saying he thought he was being hacked....

And yes, he does generally talk to DC like that.

Assault? Punished for playing games wrong?

Why is your son still going there?

Because that's what you get for 5 years of court hearings. Contact is more important than anything.

(Don't want to bore everyone with repeating all the old stories...there are many!)

How old is your son? Is he old enough to decide he doesn’t want to go? Surely courts cannot force him?

DS is 9 so not old enough.

DD is 12. She went no contact last year.

He says that if DS ever dares to stop going, he will apply for residency of DD since I've broken the order for her for so long. No he would probably win given the one sided shit that has gone on over the years.

“as 'gillick competant' meaning a court will respect the childs wishes as they are deemed capable of making their own decisions”

I think the age is generally about 12, however if your son is being assaulted and punished severely for minor things. It could be younger.

Does your son want to go? I’d see a solicitor, start getting things recorded and letters sent. To at least trying making things a bit easier for your son.

It's been recorded that the DC will never be gillock competent, since they have been adamant from such a young age that they don't want to go - I must have made them think that, nothing to do with exh being a twat.