Exh confiscating DS phone.

[ilovemilton]

Here I am again! Exh is a knob. Mumsnet saves my sanity by generally agreeing with me and letting me have the moan that is probably getting boring to my RL friends.

DS contact alternate weekends. Last weekend, after an argument over gaming (where DS said he was being hacked and exh told him he was stupid), exh removed his phone. He does tend to do this a lot during contact, to prevent him calling me.

However, this time he has refused to let him bring it home with him on Monday.

Midweek contact was the same. Phone still not allowed.

I've text him today to say DS would like his phone back for the weekend, and as it is my property, he has no right to keep it for so long. He's refused. DS is understandably pissed off.

There's no answer to this really. Just wanted to rant!

He sounds dreadful and so controlling! If you're not prepared to contact the police (there are pros and cons either way), then you'll have to just hope your DS gets it back. And when he does just give him a crappy PAYG phone for next time, like cakecakecheese suggested. Does your exH live far away? Could your DS just walk home from contact when he's had enough?

Do you know of the freedom programme? www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/ it might help you understand better what has happened in the past and give you techniques to deal with his continued abusive and controlling behaviour. Threatening to apply for residency for DD if you step out of line and stop DS going, is controlling and abusive. If he said he wants to apply for it because he misses DD and wants her in his life, that would be one thing, but he's not, he's threatening to do it if you don't do as he says.

Well unfortunately the courts allow him this control. I understand it but I can't really stop it.

It's 3 miles away so possibly at a push but exh locks them in because they used to run away at first.

If he is as bad as you say, there must be some action you can take.

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/contact/ Might be of some help

the police WILL intervene, theft is theft and it's irrelevant that it's a domestic issue - do you think they ignore domestic violence?

Has he said he's never going to return it and is keeping it forever? Otherwise, not a theft to take temporary possession of your child's phone (even if the other parent paid for it.

I must declare some interest here - I used to work in a school with a 'no phones to be seen or heard' policy and if kids broke the rule, their phones were confiscated for 2 weeks. A few parents reported it to the police - who said that as there was no intent to keep it permanently, it was not a theft.

BTW - a domestic issue is not the same thing as domestiv violence.

Shedmice. I wish it was that simple. Unfortunately, DV cases are down to who gets believed by the judge. Only a few lucky ones get to keep him away from their children.

The judge sees him as a poor, sorrowful dad who has done his best to see his children and the bad, nasty ex wife has done everything to stop him for no reason.

ilove - I am so sorry.

But you know what the end result will be.

In ten years' time, you and your family won't have seen this piece of shit for several years.

He'll be alone, ranting at the walls.

His kids will never see him again.

Your grandchildren will never clap eyes on him.

You'll get there.

How expensive is the phone? Cancel the contract. Report the phone as stolen - get a replacement on insurance? Then you keep it at yours. DS won't be able to contact you when he's with his dad but hey ho, sounds like he can't really anyway.

Take the power away. Ok, he won't give it back? No problem, me and my family will circumvent it. Literally treat the phone as if it is lost. Don't even discuss with him. Totally ignore.

All he's doing is putting nail after nail in the coffin of his relationship with his son.

Needless to say, document it all. Can your DS ask for meetings with pastoral services at the school? If he were to use that as both an outlet and a record of his father's treatment of him, it could come in useful -and be a non-court controlled way of getting the abuse on record. Not that it sounds like you will be able to do anything until your DS is also able to go NC.

Caribou the police WILL intervene, theft is theft and it's irrelevant that it's a domestic issue - do you think they ignore domestic violence?

A parent confiscating their childs phone is not theft and is not of any interest to the police. And equating it with DV is completely shitty of you, you should be ashamed of yourself.

In the short term, can you source another phone and get a new SIM card? So DS can have a Mum phone and a SBXH phone?

I can sympathise OP, been to court regarding access with an ex. Unfortunately they can lie!

Your situation sounds terrible, I think you should at least seek some legal advice

Fizzygreen. How lovely to think of it like that. So true. You just get lost in the here and now.

WRT school though, court wrote to them after DD reported assaults, with a report showing how mum makes allegations of assault and gets the DC to as well, that it had been investigated and anything DC say is to be disregarded. He's really covered all his bases.

I'd be threatening him with the police. That might do the trick.

Phone is my old iPhone, so contract is SIM only. I couldn't provide similar atm, which is unfair on DS, since he didn't lose it or anything.

I'd be threatening him with the police. That might do the trick

why would an empty threat help anything?

I'm not sure "hi my sons dad won't give his phone back" will be of much interest to the police.

court wrote to them after DD reported assaults, with a report showing how mum makes allegations of assault and gets the DC to as well, that it had been investigated and anything DC say is to be disregarded

I’m sure that cannot be legal. Contact NSPCC/child line etc or a solicitor. That cannot be right

NSPCC investigated before, when a friend reported the situation. I got taken back to court for pretending to be said friend and making up more allegations. Court told them the same, that it has been investigated and there are no issues, mum is a liar.

But that doesn’t mean that any future allegations of assault or abuse cannot be reported by your dd.

That would be sheer madness! A court cannot order that any future reports of abuse by your dd should be disregarded. The law states they have to be investigated!

The whole thing sounds scarily similar to the situation which led to poor Ellie Butler losing her life.

Have you spoken to your MP?

I would be interested to see what their response would be if you took documentation of the timeline of events, spoke of the situation your DS is in now, and mentioned the similarity to that case.

A case where it was proven, devastatingly, that no - judges sometimes get it wrong. Not just get it wrong, but act in such an absolutely blinkered fashion in their attempts to make sure that no-one is able to go on to produce evidence to disprove their judgment, to pave the way for tragedy.

That would be sheer madness! A court cannot order that any future reports of abuse by your dd should be disregarded. The law states they have to be investigated!

Shedmice, the judge in the Ellie Butler case went absolutely bald-headed at every possible opening she could think of to make sure that her pig-scum 'father' was protected from future allegations. He became untouchable. Presumably because she must have known at some level that she'd made a pretty shaky decision - the evidence of his previous violence was there - for all to see. That judge made damn sure that she wasn't going to have her reputation tarnished by future incidents and so she went absolutely overboard to make sure that doubters were silenced, notes were placed on files warning off anyone reporting that man.

She wanted to make sure she stayed right more than she wanted to make sure she'd actually done right.

Ellie Butler paid for that decision with her life.

The judge got to swiftly retire.

So, for anyone who might think that ilove's situation couldn't really happen, and the authorities are bound to investigate allegations and will act to protect children - sadly no, not once a judge has decided they're definitely on Team Dad:

www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/killer-father-ben-butler-was-handed-all-the-power-by-judge-damning-report-finds-a3277431.html

People have compared us to poor Ellie Butler a few times

Surely such a high profile case would set the precedent for future rulings?

I can well believe it. Just trying to think what action OP could take.

MP, if not tried before.

With a very definite message that you are well on the way to representing a similar miscarriage of justice, and asking if she/he will support you in asking for your case to be reviewed.

Now your DD is older and NC, presumably she might be able to be interviewed in a way that may not have been done before?

Mmmmm. I find it interesting that its your phone- ie. you bought it, it is your property but you let your son use it, it wasnt bought as a gift for him.

I would think that would warrant asking for the phone back as it is your property.

Im not in the UK but here theft is the dishonest appropriation of anothers property without consent- deprivation can be temporary or permanent.

I havent read your other threads, but I too have en ex-Idiot so know that asking nicely wont work. Id text him saying 'that phone is my property, not DS' and if you wont hand it back to me, I'll contact the police. This is the first and only time Im going to warn you.'

Sorry to hear about your court battles, I know how frustrating it can be. Swear to god, when you hear about family law it seems that the judges are obliged to leave their common sense at the door.

I do think the police is a non starter though. He lied about serious assaults, he isn't going to admit this is he. And that's if the police will be interested.