Exh confiscating DS phone.

[ilovemilton]

Here I am again! Exh is a knob. Mumsnet saves my sanity by generally agreeing with me and letting me have the moan that is probably getting boring to my RL friends.

DS contact alternate weekends. Last weekend, after an argument over gaming (where DS said he was being hacked and exh told him he was stupid), exh removed his phone. He does tend to do this a lot during contact, to prevent him calling me.

However, this time he has refused to let him bring it home with him on Monday.

Midweek contact was the same. Phone still not allowed.

I've text him today to say DS would like his phone back for the weekend, and as it is my property, he has no right to keep it for so long. He's refused. DS is understandably pissed off.

There's no answer to this really. Just wanted to rant!

DS is home from school upset that he hasn't got his phone for the weekend to contact his mates.

If exh wasn't such a nasty piece of work, I'd be over there to get it back!! (Tried it in the past, he physically stopped DD from entering.)

Ugh, he sounds like a piece of work. Sorry youre having this crap ilovemilton.

My youngest left her favourite doll (favourite toy of all) at ex's over Christmas and Santa had brought her new things for her doll. She was crying and asking him for it. He kept saying hed bring it but chose to go out on the piss instead. Didnt get it back until just before New Years. Shes scared to take her toys to his now.

They really dont seem to understand how hurtful their actions are to their children. Whats worse- they dont bloody care.

My ex tried this a few times. Consequently, I stopped them taking laptops, tablets, phones etc to contact. He soon realised he'd have to do actual parenting and apologised for confiscating their things, promising it would never happen again and it never has.

Well we don't have any worries there. For someone who pays £22 a week maintenance, he has a disproportionate amount of laptops, games consoles and gadgets. Yes I did mean to make all those words plural...

Has your son messaged his dad, told him how upset he is and asked for it back?

With a view to screen shoting his reply?

No, I've been in trouble before in court for "making text messages up and pretending they are from the children, to upset dad."

He's tried to call on my phone a few times and been ignored.

Has anyone here heard of Ocam's Razor?

Yes, why?

The thread has evolved into a bit more than just a phone.

I wish it was that simple. Unfortunately, DV cases are down to who gets believed by the judge. Only a few lucky ones get to keep him away from their children

Unfortunately this is true. I endured years of abuse but because he was never convicted it isn’t considered as evidence in court. So I have to (under threat of 28 days in prison for contempt of court) hand my beautiful son over once a fortnight to a man who wouldn’t harm him, but equally couldn’t give a shit about him and does nothing to support, encourage or even love him.

OP I don’t have any advice, I wish I did. Solidarity in bucketloads though .

Oh and if I repeatedly breached the contact order I would “compromise” residency of DS1 and he’d go to his dad full time.

What does your court order actually say? Mine says i have to make my kids available for contact. So i do. Clean clothes, door open. They choose not to step outside i havent broken the order. He is always threatening me with court, even tho he ignores the kids and they avoid him.. Sounds good but its all groundless.

Have a look and read carefully.

@Shedmicehugh1

Many, many implausible situations.

The simpler answer is usually the correct one.

The police, the courts, the CPS, the ex etc are all in collusion or the OP is giving a biased account.

Wido. It states to live with on x dates. That's because "make available" didn't work, as DC refused too many times.

Smeddum. Totally the same. Except he does hurt them too.

Gamenight. You just need to look on mumsnet, let alone the internet, to see I don't need to be being biased, this stuff happens.

Shedmice. It always does. Mumsnet keeps me sane.

I pay for DCs phone

But we have agreed that punishments stand at both houses. So if they lose a phone here they lose it everywhere and likewise

Would your DC lose their phone for two weeks for being upset that he was called stupid, when he had been worried that he was being hacked?

"Would your DC lose their phone for two weeks for being upset that he was called stupid, when he had been worried that he was being hacked?"

But several people have already suggested that this probably isn't the full story.

@ilovemilton the whole system is fucked. I wish I had a brighter and more hopeful response, but going through all that damn near broke me. I was desperate to protect my boy and nobody listened.

But several people have already suggested that this probably isn't the full story

Several people clearly don’t have any understanding of abuse. Since they’re keen to imply that the child is in the wrong and that OP should accept the word of a bastard over her own child.

Gamenight. From what I saw when he lived with us, I believe DS. I've got one recording where he gets smacked and screamed at for putting his pants on wrong, for example.

I appreciate that Gamenight. However it’s the only version we have to advise on. Benefit of the doubt!

I have been to court regarding access arrangements. I’ve seen how bizarre they can be. My ex took me there stating I was preventing him from having access. Total lie! He had not seen his kids in 2 years because he had chosen to, new gf etc. In that 2 years my kids had started to play for a football team. He then split with gf and wanted to see them, i told him he could see the kids, if he took them football. If he didn’t they would lose their places. He would not agree to this.

He lied his arse off and was believed! The court ordered he could have every other weekend, half of school holidays, every other Christmas (which I had no objection to) AND I would have to drop the Friday, pick up Saturday for training, drop them back after, pick up Sunday for match. Then drop them back after and pick up again at 7pm!!! Because he lied again and said he didn’t have a car! And he had avoided paying any CM ever!

He didn’t want school holidays or Christmas or even every other weekend (he would cancel if he had something better to do) he literally took me to court because he couldn’t be bothered to do the football run on his weekend!!

Unbelievable! The lengths some people go to!

The only difference is I told him to do one and take me back to court, after it became clear he had no intention of sticking to the order. I took screen shots of cancelling messages etc. He never did!

@Smeddum

Why move straight to misandrist insults?

Calm down, you're getting hysterical.

Shedmice. I could have written that myself. Exactly the same issues with him not wanting the kids for the first year or so, then the same drama over activities. Except he does keep bothering. He doesn't care about contact. He sees about "winning".

It’s only when you personally go thro the courts yourself you realise how bad it is for children and their mothers.

I’ve been thro it with a severally abusive ex, and my dc although now safe went thro he hell of forced contact the scars of which they still carry.

It’s very expensive being dragged through the courts and the different agencies say different things and nobody really gives a shit about the children. The justification I’d get was well they’re safe with you so it’s fine if they’re subject to abuse for a couple of hours ervery fortnight by their father.

The school and paediatricians were fighting for my DC, cafcass was variously shit till I fought them tooth and nail, the police even tried to help us but my god the judges were breathtakingly out of touch and biased towards a very (proven) violent man till my DC very very luckily were allocated a judge specialising in dv.

I wouldn’t be singing about how wonderful the judicial system is and how batshit the mother must be that’s the stance ex took and amazingly several judges seemed to accept. Except I suedfor divorce and he was obsessed with keeping control over me.

I’m so sorry you’re going thro this OP, your dc will grow up, your little son will at some point in the near future be physically towering over his father then he can see whether he’s so easy to bully.

Why move straight to misandrist insults?

Bastard isn’t gender based. At least learn what something means before you get all snooty (wrongly) about it.

Calm down, you're getting hysterical

Hysterical, however, is deeply misogynistic. Either you’re trying to be worry and failing or you haven’t a clue of the irony of your last ridiculous post.