Exh confiscating DS phone.

[ilovemilton]

Here I am again! Exh is a knob. Mumsnet saves my sanity by generally agreeing with me and letting me have the moan that is probably getting boring to my RL friends.

DS contact alternate weekends. Last weekend, after an argument over gaming (where DS said he was being hacked and exh told him he was stupid), exh removed his phone. He does tend to do this a lot during contact, to prevent him calling me.

However, this time he has refused to let him bring it home with him on Monday.

Midweek contact was the same. Phone still not allowed.

I've text him today to say DS would like his phone back for the weekend, and as it is my property, he has no right to keep it for so long. He's refused. DS is understandably pissed off.

There's no answer to this really. Just wanted to rant!

My heart hurts for an 8 year old to be put in the position to say that.

I've heard some very painful stories of awful decisions made in family court.

Telling you're child they're stupid can be very damaging. Those words can have a long lasting effect.

People are saying you weren't there and don't know what happened...but you know your Ex. You know what he's capable of and believing your child when dealing with abusive people like him is important.

They just have to bear with him like a bad smell till they are old enough to go NC.

I wish you and the DC well.

Paeds and School and CAFCASS and CAMHS all in OP’s favour. Yet Judge has dismissed all this evidence.

Pretty shit solicitor and OP needs further legal advice.

@Shedmicehugh1 it’s at the judge’s discretion what is and isn’t heard, it’s entirely arbitrary. It’s shit, and it’s wrong, but it’s the system.

Guardian isn't in my favour either. She feels sorry for him and how I ruined his life by leaving him. She has admitted there was abuse, as exh did admit to 3 counts at one point, and then it was forgotten and changed to no abuse. She stated that contact was still in the best interests.

Exh had her mobile number and would call her at weekends when the DC reused contact and she would turn up and remind the DC that mummy would go to prison if they didn't go with daddy. I wasn't allowed to even contact her via the office.

Exh had her mobile number and would call her at weekends when the DC reused contact and she would turn up and remind the DC that mummy would go to prison if they didn't go with daddy

That’s horrific.

ilove, I sincerely hope your DS and DD decide to sue the authorities when they are old enough to do so.

Fizzy. I've often wondered about this.

I've also considered having a book written, but my friends say it's so ridiculous people wouldn't believe it was true!

I assume that Women's Aid can't help? Is it actually impossible to appeal for a different judge - one with experience of DV, for example? It seems like a gross abuse of power for a judge to say that they alone can rule on ANY matter.

It seems like a gross abuse of power for a judge to say that they alone can rule on ANY matter.

It is, in cases of child welfare hearings, that arbitrary. And you’re right, it is a gross abuse of power. But how do we change it?

smed I don’t know much about family Law. You say it’s at the judges discretion. As far as I’m aware no one is above accountably. You have rights to appeal etc

I don't know the law here, so I don't know. The first step for the OP would seem to be advice from a red hot solicitor, with experience and determination. I suspect they are pricy.

As far as the secrecy of family/child custody courts, and the fact that judges in them seem to be all-powerful, there are a number of journalists who have highlighted problems but no campaign as far as I know.

solicitor doesn’t even have to be shit hot, just better than crap!

Did you have a solicitor OP?

@Shedmicehugh1 not in Scotland for child welfare hearings, I don’t know about rights to appeal in other parts of the UK.

The sheriff’s response to my legitimate and valid concerns for the welfare of my autistic son in the care of his (at best) feckless and irresponsible father was “let’s suck it and see”. That’s a direct quote.

6 years later and he has repeatedly broken the order, parents in no other way than turning up (most of the time) and shoving him in a room with takeaways and an Xbox! DS1 spends most of his time there on FaceTime to home, but since he wants to go (no rules, boundaries, food limits, Xbox supervision) I am powerless to stop it.

This system is bruising at best.

They said that if I appealed, it would show I didn't respect the professionals decision, that I was unable to act in the children's best interest and that I couldn't get on with father for the sake of the children. Therefore, an appeal would lead to change in residency to stop the constant returns to court. But because exh doesn't actually want this, they also said it would lead to care proceedings.

Google tells me you can appeal a family court decision.

Is OP in Scotland?

@Shedmicehugh1 legal aid isn’t available any more, and you have to prove the judge made a mistake “in law” to appeal. Given that their decision whether or not to review evidence presented is lawful, it wouldn’t be grounds for an appeal.

OPs last update just proves how fucked up this system is. RPs threatened with care proceedings and jail if they don’t comply. That’s what we’re up against.

@Shedmicehugh1 I don’t think so, I only mentioned Scotland because it’s the Scottish system I’ve been through, so I don’t know the finer points of the rest of the UK system.

OP I was told if I appealed a LA decision not to issue an EHCP for my ASD son, they would start child protection proceedings!!

Even got a social worker to try and get me to sign an illegal document giving them permission to do so!

You really do need to know your rights. It’s not easy, research, phone organisations offering free legal advice etc, etc. It’s a full time job, but better than doing nothing.

England. Smeddum is right.

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/

You really do need to know your rights. It’s not easy, research, phone organisations offering free legal advice etc, etc. It’s a full time job, but better than doing nothing

With respect Shed OP isn’t “doing nothing” she’s hit a dead end in a messed up system that is rotten to the core. You can’t fight these decisions without proving there has been a mistake “in law” (those are the key words).

That's right. A dead end.

That's why I come on here when he's pissed me off and I'm left with these shitty scenarios. Because there's nothing left in real life that I can do.

I’m trying to help the OP, no disrespect intended. By doing ‘nothing’ I mean giving up, thinking there is nothing you can do but stand by and watch your child being physically and emotionally abused. There is always something, no parent has to suffer that.

A ‘mistake in law’ is a Judge ignoring evidence from several ‘experts’, is a judge hearing evidence of abuse and disregarding it!

No, it means some kind of procedural type error. What you have described, even though it is true, would be considered option and is not enough for an appeal.