Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To meet up with MIL to discuss broken wine glass!

975 replies

pugreverywhere · 04/05/2018 08:38

Can't believe the previous thread reached a thousand posts, thanks so much for your support everyone!

I ended up reading MIL's facebook messages for me this morning. Turns up she wants to meet up at a café this weekend to smooth things over "without the boys knowing". She also said she would bring the egg pram back (?!).

Haven't replied yet. DH was pretty upset last night; not sure if he is actually considering going NC with his father. If so, it wouldn't be fair of me to meet up with his Mum in secret - but she's always been lovely to me and I'd hate for my GC having no GP in his life.
Ugh! Still so gutted over this whole thing.

You have all posted some very good advice so I am going to sit and read through it until I decide what we do now.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 05/05/2018 07:09

Oh Lord, this saga goes from bad to worse. My bet is that FiL has cancelled the scan and punishing MiL has been part of his motivation. I imagine that, faced with being alienated from her only son and first grandchild, the worm may have turned after decades of being put down.

The whole thing has become ridiculous and it's probably crunch time for MiL too now. I hope she's got some good friends.

billybagpuss · 05/05/2018 07:17

Morning OP, how are you today. Enjoy the long weekend and hopefully great weather. Enjoy your wonderful Mr Pug and remember time is the best healer. Hope things start to come back into perspective for everyone.

I'm not going to join the MN go NC mantra, but it certainly is the best thing for the time being.

Please don't cancel the glass.

lindyhopy · 05/05/2018 07:19

Wow I can't believe how this has escalated from an accident. Hope you are ok. I would give them the glass but wouldn't accompany it with a nasty note as I suspect FIL would retaliate. Give it a few days. Hope you and DP are ok and this can somehow be repaired for your sake Flowers

Banana8080 · 05/05/2018 07:22

My reaction is perhaps different to others - I see this as the natural extension of your DH dropping off the pram, not something hugely different or particularly outrageous. Stick form though, they've been so daft.

littlebillie · 05/05/2018 07:22

Skittles is right

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 05/05/2018 07:23

This is the most bonkers thread I've ever read on MN. I totally agree that FIL is an arsehole who behaved badly but this level of nuclear fallout is crazy to me. This must be world's most highly strung family.

IStillMissBlockbuster · 05/05/2018 07:23

Well OP, I am horrified at their actions. It is clear that the scan was never for you, but for them. As they were not going to attend and benefit, they cancelled. Truly scumbag behaviour.

While I agreed with you re: holding off on blocking his mum, i'm now inclined to do as he says. Fully stand by him. I still think NC is last resort with your MIL but really, they've behaved so badly, I think a LOT of water is going to need to pass under the bridge to move on. Take some a lot of space from them.

MyNameIsJane · 05/05/2018 07:31

This is such a very sad situation for you re. the 4D scan. Wish you and your DH all the best over the next few months. It will be tough but you really have done nothing wrong.

sashh · 05/05/2018 07:37

pugreverywhere

I read and attempted to post on your other thread but it filled up while I was typing.

I can hardly believe how this has escalated, but they sound like my parents only my mum was the controlling one.

Agree with others that this is control and nothing to do with anyone else.

Children don't NEED grandparents and they certainly should not have GP's who may harm them in any way.

You have your husband and will soon meet your baby, live a wonderful life and have a fantastic family.

YimminiYoudar · 05/05/2018 07:44

Sadly I think that the self-righteous superiority which is obviously part of this FIL's mindset will never allow him to agree that "all debts are paid". I wouldn't be at all surprised if he retaliates by compiling an itemised list of all their expenditure on DH since the moment of conception - which will obviously total tens if not hundreds of thousands of pounds - and will claim that DH can't say all debts are paid without addressing that amount too.

Needless to say such an attitude is ridiculous and abusive and should be dismissed and rejected. I just think it's not unlikely.

falang · 05/05/2018 07:47

This is so sad. The overwhelming love I have for my grandchild is different from the love I have for my children (although I have overwhelming love for them too!) and to think that your PIL will now miss out on that because of their bonkers behaviour is crazy. I hope it can be eventually resolved.

livingdownsouth · 05/05/2018 07:50

Another vote for skittles advice. Time is definitely on your side here. Take a few days away from all of this and have a lovely weekend. You have a loving family of 3, better than a dysfunctional family of 5 x

Laiste · 05/05/2018 08:07

This situation isn't really an 'escalation'. The word escalation suggests a starting point of zero. If you've read the thread it's easy to see the glass event was just a catalyst for something which has been brewing and going on for years. The PILs (MIL included!) are getting what they deserve.

The DHs family were nasty buggers while he was growing up and they've been trying to keep control of him using money since he left home and began to carve a life out for himself. They've upped the ante since his wife has become pregnant. It's all so obvious.

OP all i can say is this situation has proved to show them in their full unpleasant light. Easier for you to justify staying well away from them.

2andcountingtodate · 05/05/2018 08:08

I would certainly block them both now. Changing my mind, i would send the glass if i had enough money for scan too. If it was one or the other- scan all the way.

Narcissistic parents make narcissistic grandparents, they eventually show signs of scapegoating and pick a golden child. It is not healthy for children to be in that environment.

So do true. My nan did that to all of us and now tries with our kids. She wonders why she rarely sees them, which is sad. She just can't see the truth.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 05/05/2018 08:22

I also agree with Skittles. I wouldn’t just block MIL though. They need to have the craziness of their behaviour spelled out.

I would say, “I’m sorry, but we have both found this whole situation very upsetting. First the demand for money over a broken glass, then the cancelled birthday present. We don’t understand why FIL is behaving this way but we don’t intend letting him ruin what should be a special time for us. If FIL calms down and is prepared to make amends we will listen, but for the time being we think it’s best we keep our distance so we can concentrate on preparing for our baby. Thank you for the offer of the pram but we think it’s best we buy our own stuff, as we always planned to do.”

gingergenius · 05/05/2018 08:27

Twats.

PotTheRed · 05/05/2018 08:38

.

Singlebutmarried · 05/05/2018 08:39

I’ve been following the threads the last couple of days and the scan cancelling really takes the biscuit.

I’d be wary ringing the scan place, only because FIL seems like such a cock juggling thundercunt that id be unsure if I wanted to hear the reason behind the scan being cancelled.

OP can your DH (mr pug the wonderful) call the scan place to find out the reason for cancellation?

snewname · 05/05/2018 08:44

Oh Lord, this saga goes from bad to worse. My bet is that FiL has cancelled the scan and punishing MiL has been part of his motivation. I imagine that, faced with being alienated from her only son and first grandchild, the worm may have turned after decades of being put down.The whole thing has become ridiculous and it's probably crunch time for MiL too now. I hope she's got some good friends.

Before you go NC, please make sure that the above isn't happening. There could be all sorts of ructions going on in their house now.

UpSideDownBrain · 05/05/2018 08:46

They cancelled the scan because you returned their other gifts - from their point of view it would be a logical thing to do.
They are nuts though.

diddl · 05/05/2018 08:51

" There could be all sorts of ructions going on in their house now."

That's for them to sort out, not for Op to bother herself about.

MIL didn't have to send a "dont you dare..." message, did she?

elisenbrunnen · 05/05/2018 08:54

Please don't cancel the Glass, OP. I'd maintain the high ground, as far as I could.

You've returned the Pram and other stuff you didn't want or ask for. (That's why he's cancelled the scan - because you are not appreciative enough of his gestures) and will stand on your own two feet now, without them. Show it - no more meet-ups, conversations on fb, texts etc.

Have a lovely weekend. (To do this, block all contact for now!)

rumbelina · 05/05/2018 08:57

I would definitely check with the scan people to find out what’s actually happened there.

Queenio24 · 05/05/2018 09:09

Ring the scan place, ask why it was cancelled, then at least you'll know if it was FIL. Then re-book it yourself.
It's very vindictive if he cancelled your scan, at least you'll have no qualms in going NC after that - complete radio silence. Let them stew on what they have done.

Juells · 05/05/2018 09:13

TBH I can't see what the big deal is about the scan. You're not going to have it, so what? You're going to have the real thing, the baby, in a few months. Cancelling it was par for the course, for the FiL. The surprise would have been if he hadn't cancelled it. He's sitting right this very moment wondering if there's anything else he can do to punish you both.

As Americans say, the best revenge is living well. You don't have to think about either of them again, they can stew in their poisonous brew.

I feel sorry for the MiL, because she's been subject to the same pressures that your DH had all her married life. It's not that easy to stand up to an abusive partner.